One Of Us
by charmed4lifekaren
Summary: At 18 Alex and Barba became best friends; so when Alex needed help to get out of a hell she called the one person she's always counted on, and now over a year later hell has found Alex again. Will the support of her best friend, and her extended family at the 1-6 and DA's office be enough for Alex to make it through? Can she ever be the Alex they all know and love again?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

 **AN1:** So this started as an idea about Alex Cabot and Rafael Barba being old friends, I had many different ideas and then this one came to be.

This has past and potentially future Alex/Olivia but the focus is the friendship, the history and the relationship between Alex Cabot and Rafael Barba.

I'm on chapter seven and there is at least one flashback a chapter so far, though in recent chapters that has gone up to two so if there is any events that you want to see let me know and I'll try to work them in.

* * *

"Are you sure you have to go already?" Olivia asks Barba about an hour after the two of them, Lucy, Fin, Rollins, Amaro, and Carisi toasted to family.

"Yeah, there's something I have to do." Barba responds as he puts on his coat.

"Is everything okay?" Olivia asks, not being able to help but being concerned as until he looked at his phone it seemed like Barba was having a good time.

"Of course. I'll see you later, Olivia." Barba says before leaving.

"See you later." Olivia asks as the door closes behind Barba, not being able to help but feel that something else is going on.

* * *

Five minutes later Barba is in a cab on the way to near the apartment where his best friend, the person who is basically his sister, Alex Cabot, is hiding out.

Eighteen months ago Barba received call from Alex. The call was the first time Barba had heard from his best friend in about a year, since after he started working as SVU's ADA. It was about six months before the last time they spoke that Alex said that she needed a fresh start, one of her own choosing, and left New York. As soon as Barba heard Alex's voice he knew that something was horribly wrong, something which was confirmed when he went to Philadelphia to see her.

 _Memory; Philadelphia, 18 months earlier (November 30_ _th_ _2013)_

 _After he got a call from Alex Barba has drove out to Philadelphia to meet Alex at a diner. When he arrived at the diner Barba spotted Alex and he walked over to her and even though he was worried about what he would find during the drive nothing could have prepared him for what he saw._

" _Lexie." Barba said shocked as he saw Alex covered in fresh cuts and bruises, "What happened?" he asked as he slid into the booth across from her._

" _Hey, Rafi, thanks for coming." Alex responded having noticeably tensed as Barba approached._

" _You don't have to thank me, Lexie. What happened?" Barba asked his voice serious as he could have guessed what happened, but he wanted Alex to admit it._

" _I thought things were okay." Alex admitted, "I was doing okay and I finally started to see someone. I thought they were a good person. His name is Felix Torres, I thought he was a good man, I thought that he was perfect for me. For a while I truly believed that maybe we could have a future together" Alex explained. Even though Barba wanted to interrupt her he didn't as his experience with SVU told him not, it told him to just let Alex talk, "After we had been dating a few weeks things started to change. He wanted to know where I was all the time, what I was doing, who I was talking to." Alex explained._

" _Is that why you stopped returning my calls?" Barba asked, feeling guilt about that as he felt like he should have known that something was wrong when Alex stopped returning his calls, but he just thought that Alex was finally getting settled within her new life, that she needed a clean break; something that he understood considering everything Alex had been through._

" _Yes, he didn't like it when I talked to someone other than him. He wanted to control everything, especially me" Alex admitted, not looking Barba in the eye on purpose._

" _When did he start hurting you?" Barba asked, as he had no question as to what happened, not that he had much of one to begin with, having done his best to keep the fury that he was feeling out of his voice._

" _Physically, after we moved in together; about six months ago." Alex explained._

" _You moved in together?" Barba asks surprised by that as the Alex he's known since they were eighteen wouldn't have moved in with someone so controlling, and he knew enough to know that Alex only mentioning physically hurting means that there was other kinds of hurting that started earlier._

" _Yeah, he convinced me, I thought we were in love, and I had another reason." Alex said, having been vague on purpose, "At first it was just a few hits; some minor bruises and cuts."_

" _But it got worse."_

" _It was never as bad as this, just some minor injuries, and he always apologised after." Alex said._

" _They always do. You know that." Barba said, having done his best to sound calm and comforting even though he was angry and upset about his best friend being hurt._

" _This morning when he was leaving to go on a ten day business trip he found that I'm supposed to be spending most of the next week working with another lawyer. Guess he didn't want that." Alex admitted, having continued to avoid looking at Barba in the eyes, as she knew that the reason why Felix left visible marks for the first time was to try force her not to go into work._

" _Have you called the police?"_

" _No. and I can't."_

" _Lexie you have to, for yourself. You've worked SVU you know that once someone does something like this they only escalate, you could, and likely will, end up dead, Lexie." Barba said being harsh and serious, though supportive, as he wanted Alex to understand, because he couldn't see how she wouldn't call the police after everything she's seen, everything she knows._

" _I know." Alex said, "I'm not staying with him Rafi, but I can't call the police and I definitely can't tell Olivia, she has enough going on without adding this to what she is dealing with." Alex said, having suspected that Barba was going to suggest that next, which he was, and knowing about the Lewis trial as even in Philadelphia it had been on the news._

" _Why can't you go to the police?"_

" _Because I'm seven months pregnant." Alex said to Barba's surprise, as the table and jacket she was wearing hid her stomach, "If I go to the police he will fight for his parental rights, even if it's just to hurt me, and he has the resources and connections to win; not just a custody battle, but everything. I don't want my child to have anything to do with this bastard." Alex explains as that is the biggest reason why she doesn't want to go to the police, though she does have other reasons._

" _That's, wow." Barba said, having not been sure what else to say._

" _I need help Rafi, but I'm not going to the police." Alex said, her stubbornness having shown itself "I would understand if you didn't want to help because of that."_

" _Of course I'm going to help Lexie, don't even start" Barba said, as there was never a question about whether he would have helped, "I'm guessing that along with Olivia you don't want Fin, Cragen or Munch to know either." He realised._

" _No I don't."_

" _Okay, then they won't hear anything from me." Barba promised, "Even though you don't want to call the police we should take pictures of everything he did. So that you have proof if needed." Barba said and Alex looked very hesitant "It's an insurance policy Lexie, for your own protection, you know that."_

" _Okay, we'll take pictures." Alex said, having thought of something else that she wanted to get Barba's opinion on once they were somewhere safe._

" _Good." Barba said, "Have you eaten?" he asked and Alex shook her head in response._

" _Then we're going to have lunch, then you're going to go write me a list off everything you want from the apartment and where to find it all and I'll go get it. While I'm doing that how would you feel about staying at a hotel?"_

" _I'd be okay with that." Alex said, a nervousness to her voice, as even though she knew that he was out of town Alex couldn't help but worry that Torres would find her._

" _Good. It will be okay, Lexie." Barba said as he reached out and grabbed Alex's hand, an action which she tensed at. As he saw the look of fear on Alex's face Barba decided to wait until after lunch to convince Alex to go to a doctor._

About half an hour after he left Olivia's apartment Barba gets the cab to pull over so that he can walk the last few blocks to where Alex is.

* * *

After being as careful as possible to make sure that he was followed, including putting his phone on airplane mode and turning off GPS, Barba arrives at the building is and he is surprised when he sees who the door person is.

"Isn't it a bit early for you, Louise." Barba can't help but comment as the doorperson is the usual night person and its several hours before Louise usually starts.

"Yeah, Donavon got sick. He had to go home." Louise a tall dark haired woman says.

"Does that mean that the door was unattended?" Barba asks, not being able to help his worry about what that could mean.

"Yeah, I just got here it was unintended for about an hour." Louise responds, and before she can even say any more Barba is running upstairs.

* * *

Deciding to skip the elevator Barba runs up the stairs and as he does he can't help but worry about what could have happened to Alex with no door person. As soon as he reaches the hallway where Alex's apartment is Barba's worry is confirmed when he sees Alex's apartment door wide open, something which it never is as Alex always has the door locked, and most of the time she has at least one chain on as well.

"LEXIE." Barba calls worried as he rushes into the apartment. Even with his fears, everything he has seen in the job and the way Alex was when he first saw her eighteen months ago nothing could have prepared Barba for the sight that greats him.

Alex is lying in the middle of the living room, with no bottoms on and ripped shirt and bra, bruised and bloody, her glasses lying broken on the ground, a bloody knife lying next to her, a trashed apartment and blood, all around her, a window open, with a tarp next to it, and a toddler girl right next to her crying and having some blood on her.

"Tío Rafi." The toddler says as she sees him.

"Lexie, Ella." Barba says rushing over to Alex and the little girl. Once he is next to her the first thing Barba does is check to make sure that Alex is still alive which to Barba's complete relief she is, and the second thing he does is picks up the little girl while he pulls out his phone, turns airplane mode back on an re activates GPS, and dials 911 while he tries to do something to comfort the crying sixteen month old. "This is Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba, I need a bus. A woman has been attacked, she's bleeding, has a head wound, is unconscious, and has been left partially naked and has possibly been raped." Barba says, panic clear in his voice.

"What's the address?" The operator asks and Barba gives it, "The paramedics and police are on their way." The operator responds.

"Good." Barba says before hanging up, "Hold on Lexie, please hold on." Barba almost begs as he dials Olivia's number.

"Mommy." Ella says as Barba continues to try and comfort the scared and upset toddler that he is holding, having no idea whether what he is doing is helping.

* * *

"So how does it feel now that things are official?" Rollins asks Olivia curious.

"Amazing." Olivia says with a grin as her phone starts to ring, "Really, you just left." Olivia says annoyed before she answers her phone, "Hello."

"Liv. I should have realised that something like this would happen, I knew there was a chance. I should have convinced her to go the police, to go to you, but she refused and I couldn't get her to change her mind. This would have never happened if I could have convinced her to report it." Barba says, speaking so fast that Olivia can barely understand what he is saying.

"Barba, slow down. What wouldn't have happened?" Olivia asks confused, "Who's she? What's going on?" she asks, causing everyone to look at her.

"Lexie, she's been attacked…" Barba says, but before he can say anymore Olivia has cut him office.

"What! Alex? Where are you?" Olivia asks, not being able to help her panic as she knows that for Barba to seem as rattled as he is then things must be bad, "Is that a baby?" Olivia asks shocked as he hears cries.

"Yeah, Lexie. It's bad." Barba says before giving Olivia the address, "And yes, that's Ella, Lexie's daughter."

"I'll be right there." Olivia says before hanging up, forcing herself not to focus on the fact that Alex has a daughter as it seems like there is a bigger problem.

"Cabot?" Fin asks as there is only one Alex that he knows of that could cause Olivia to be so rattled.

"Yeah." Olivia answers, it being clear that she is worried, "Do you mind watching Noah?" she asks Lucy.

"Not at all." Lucy says as Olivia hands her son over giving her son a kiss on the head.

"Since when do Barba and Cabot know each other?" Fin asks confused as he never knew that.

"Since College. They went to College together and were roommates in Law School and for a time after." Olivia explains, too everyone except for Carisi's surprise, as she puts her jacket on.

"And how long have you known that for?" Fin asks surprised as Olivia has given no indication that she knew that Barba and Alex had history, there was no indication that they had a history, although now that he thinks about it Fin realises that Alex used to always talk about _'her best friend Rafi.'_ But because she never said more than that about who he was he didn't put it together when Barba started working with them.

"Fourteen years, give or take." Olivia says as she hurries out of the apartment. Rollins, Amaro, Fin and Carisi right behind her.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later Olivia, Fin, Carisi, Rollins and Amaro are on their way to the address that Barba gave, Olivia and Fin are in one car while Carisi, Rollins and Amaro is in another.

"Did you know Cabot was back?" Fin asks Olivia from the passenger seat as they speed through the streets with the car's lights and sirens on.

"No. As far as I knew she was still gone." Olivia admits.

"So the last time you saw each other was when you said goodbye before she left?" Fin asks curious as after Alex's last case with the unit the 'old' squad, including Huang who was still in town at his conference, went out together to say goodbye to Alex before she left, and goodbye to Huang before he went back to Oklahoma.

"When she said she needed a fresh start, yeah." Olivia confirms, as after spending several hours with Fin, Munch, Cragen, Huang, and Melinda she and Alex said goodbye privately, parting on good terms, "We've talked a couple of times though." Olivia admits as when Alex first left they talked regularly but within six months they lost touch, "You're going to have to run point on this." Olivia says, knowing that whatever happened is their case as she already got the call from dispatch, "I can't, not with our history."

"I know." Fin says, "What can I tell Rollins, Amaro and Carisi?" Fin asks.

"Tell them the truth, the might need to know."

"You got it." Fin says.

* * *

Not even fifteen minutes later they arrive at the address that Barba gave and as they did the see Alex being loaded into an ambulance and Barba rushing right next to her holding a little, blond, girl.

"Barba, how bad is it?" Olivia ask as she and the others rush over to him.

"Bad. She was unconscious when I found her, all her clothes were either ripped or missing. Blood was everywhere, her glasses were broken, and she's got a head wound." Barba explains as he tries to comfort the toddler he is holding, honestly being not sure what to do.

"Mommy." Ella repeats, "Tío Rafi, Mommy?" Ella says, repeating the only three words she has been saying since Barba picked her up.

"The girl needs to be checked out too." One of the EMT's tells Barba.

"I know." Barba says, "It's okay, Pequeña. it's okay, Ella." Barba says as he climbs into the ambulance.

"If anyone else is riding with us then you should get in, we have to go." One of the EMT's says.

"I'll come." Olivia says, "Check the scene, talk to witness, the usual. Once you're done there, Rollins come to the hospital and take Barba's statement because I can't." Olivia explains.

"Why not?" Rollins asks confused.

"History. Fin will explain." Olivia says as she too climbs into the ambulance.

"History? What does that mean?" Amaro asks Fin, curious, figuring that if anyone knows then it would be Fin.

"I'll explain when there are fewer people around." Fin says, "Come on." He says heading towards the building and Rollins, Carisi and Amaro follow behind.

* * *

"Is she hurt?" Olivia asks as she is sitting right next to Barba who is still holding a crying toddler, who is clutching a small brown bear.

"I don't think so." Barba admits, "But she won't calm down, she probably saw the whole thing, saw everything that he did to her." Barba explains, completely out of his depth on what to do to calm Ella down as even though, after Alex, he is the person who has spent the most time with Ella he still isn't the greatest with kids.

"Do you mind if I try?" Olivia asks, being able to see how out of his depth Barba is.

"Not at all." Barba says as he hands Ella to Olivia.

"Hey, Ella?" Olivia asks, wanting to get her name right and Barba nods, "Shhh. It's okay, Ella. It's okay sweetie." Olivia says, doing her best to comfort the toddler.

* * *

"There are three locks on the door, and a chain." Amaro notices, "That's a bit much for this neighbourhood. Cabot was obviously scared of someone." He says.

"Are they in tack?" Rollins asks.

"Nope all broken." Amaro says with a frown as he balances on his crutches.

"I don't get it, whose place is this?" Carisi asks confused as they inspect the apartment.

"Alex Cabot. She used to be our ADA." Fin explains.

"What happened?" Carisi asks, "Why isn't she your ADA anymore?"

"That, is a very long story." Fin says as honestly it really is.

"Wait. Is this _the_ Alex Cabot? Aka the ADA who had to go into witness protection because of her determination to prosecute a drug lord?" Carisi says shocked as he thought the name sounded familiar as he's heard about Alex Cabot in his law classes.

"Cabot was in Witness Protection?" Rollins asks shocked as she never knew that.

"Yes she was." Fin confirms, not surprised that Rollins didn't know that as it wasn't mentioned when Alex was working with them, "She was shot during a case, it was an attempted hit. For a while almost everyone thought she was dead." He explains.

"Wow." Amaro comments, "What's the history that prevents Liv from taking Barba's statement?" he asks curious.

Looking around the room Fin realises that one of the bedrooms seems to be empty.

"With me." Fin says and Rollins, Amaro and Carisi follows him inside, exchanging looks as they do, where all four of them are in the room Fin closes the door behind them, "What I'm about to say stays in this room unless it comes up during the investigation." He informs everyone giving them all a stern look before he continues, "From a couple of months after Alex was assigned as SVU's ADA to when Alex went into witness protection and when Alex was once more assigned as SVU's ADA years later, both times, Alex and Olivia were together." Fin explains.

"They were a couple?" Amaro asks shocked.

"Yes, and very much in love." Fin confirms to the three junior detective's shock.

* * *

Twenty minutes after they left Alex's apartment the ambulance that Barba and Olivia are in with Alex arrives at the hospital.

"What have we got?" The nurses and doctors ask.

"Alexandra Cabot, forty two year old female, attacked in her apartment, beaten, possibility sexually assaulted." One of the paramedics says, "Vitals are low and there are multiple injuries."

"Her sixteen month old daughter was also present it's unclear if she has been hurt." The other paramedic says.

"Is this her?" One of the nurses asks Barba.

"Yeah." Barba says as the nurse takes Ella and places her on another stretcher.

"What's her name and date of birth?" The nurse who took Ella asks, "What's her medical history?"

"Rafaela Oliva Cabot, born January 14th 2014." Barba answers to Olivia's shock, "She is up to date on all immunisations and checks ups; she also has a clear medical history with the exception of a broken rib that she suffered in-utero when her mother was attacked while pregnant." Barba answers, once more surprising Olivia who has a feeling that what happened today was only the tip of the ice burg. Even though Alex was moving constantly she made sure that Ella got the medical care she needed, even if she couldn't take her herself.

"And you are?" The nurse asks.

"Family friend. I have guardianship over Ella while her mother is unable to look after her, and I have the legal power and authority to make medical decisions for the both of them while they can't." Barba informs the medical personnel as that was something that he and Alex arranged as soon as they got back to New York after they left Philadelphia.

"Okay. Then you should come with us. It will help Ella to have familiar face." The nurse says, causing Barba to look at Alex who is being pushed on a different stretcher.

"I'll stay with Alex, Ella needs you." Olivia promises as she would be happy to stay with Ella, but she is a stranger. It would be better for her to have Barba. Barba nods in response and he follows Ella in one direction while Olivia follows Alex who goes in another, both Olivia and Barba hoping more than anything that both Cabot's will be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

It has been about an hour since Olivia, Barba, Alex and Ella arrived at the hospital. Olivia was only able to stay with Alex for about twenty minutes before they had to hurry Alex off to get tests and surgery so Olivia went to the waiting room, which she has been pacing in ever since, doing so while she waits for news.

Olivia has been pacing for about forty five minutes when she sees Barba, holding Ella, whose now asleep, still clutching the brown bear wearing hospital issued clothes, walking towards her.

"How's Ella?" Olivia asks.

"Okay. She has some bruises but nothing more serious than that." Barba explains, being very glad of that fact, "She finally fell asleep about fifteen minutes ago."

"That's good, she probably needs it." Olivia comments as it seems like Ella saw whatever happened to Alex and there is no way for her to understand what she may have seen.

"Yeah." Barba confirms, "Lexie?" he asks, not sure if he wants the answer.

"No news." Olivia answers, "She's was being taken for tests then straight to surgery. A nurse who I've known for a long time promised me that she would make sure a rape kit was done before surgery." Olivia explains.

"Okay." Barba says walking over to the chairs so that he can put Ella down.

"You know who did this, don't you?" Olivia asks, it's not being a question even though it sounds like one.

"Yeah, I do." Barba confirms, as he takes off his coat and puts it over Ella, doing his best to ignore the blood of his best friend that is on his shirt and jacket.

"And it's not the first time." Olivia says, once more it not being a question.

"No, it's not." Barba confirms and before Olivia can ask anymore Rollins walks in and over to them.

"How's Cabot?" Rollins asks, there being concern in her voice even though she doesn't know Alex that well.

"No news yet." Olivia answers.

"And her daughter?"

"She's okay." Barba answers.

"That's good." Rollins says, truly meaning that.

"What did you find at the scene?" Olivia asks.

"None of the neighbours heard anything, they were all out, not surprising for a Wednesday afternoon. The three locks and chain were all broken. It looks like there was a struggle." Rollins explains, "The attack took place on the living room floor. It looks like the attacker escaped out of the window and down the fire escape, maybe not long before you arrived. We're thinking that because there were bleach and matches on the living room table, but they obviously hadn't been used yet." Rollins says looking at Barba.

"That makes sense, he would have only left evidence if he didn't have time to destroy it." Barba explains, knowing that for a fact.

"Judging by the scene that make sense." Rollins says, "There were tarps to, lying by the window. We're not sure where Ella was during the attack." She explains, "There were a lot of prints, both inside and on the fire escape, but nothing on the knife thanks to the handle; so we're going to need to get elimination from anyone who's been at the apartment."

"That's just Lexie, Ella, Me and my Mother." Barba answers.

"That it?" Rollins asks surprised.

"Yeah, I should call my Mother, she was meant to look after Ella for a few hours tomorrow while I attempted to get Lexie to spend some real time out of the apartment." Barba explains, knowing that he isn't looking forward to making the call to his mother.

"Did Alex not leave the apartment much?" Olivia asks, the picture forming in her mind not being a good one.

"No, she was too afraid." Barba answers, hating that he is doing so. Alex was so afraid that in recent months the only times that Alex has spent more than an hour outside where she was living, which she only did for Ella's sake, was when she went with him to meet his mother after she called about his Abuelita and to go to the funeral, and she spent every minute terrified that Torres was find her; though she did her best to support him despite that.

"Why? What was she so afraid of?" Rollins asks.

"Who, not what." Barba corrects, "Felix Torres, Lexie's ex. He's the reason why she left Philadelphia, he's the reason that Lexie is so afraid to leave the apartment, and he's the one who did this that I'm sure of."

"Why are you so sure?" Rollins asks writing the name down on her note pad.

"Because eighteen months ago he badly beat Lexie, and he's been trying to find her ever since. He's even gone so far as to follow and harass me in hopes that I would lead him to Lexie and Ella." Barba explains, "Not counting that, he's also gotten close a few times and made it clear what he wants to do to Lexie if he ever found her." Barba says being vague but knowing that the others will pick up on what he is, or rather isn't, saying.

"Why didn't you go to the police? Why didn't you come to me?" Olivia asks, assuming that this Torres is Ella's father as that's what it seems like.

"Do you have any proof of what this guy did?" Rollins asks at the same time.

"I have a file, including pictures of Lexie's injuries from eighteen months ago, and all the threats he's made in the last eighteen months." Barba says searching through his pockets for his phone, "I'll send you everything I've got." Barba says as he uses his phone to send a copy of the file he's been working on to Rollins, being able to do so as he made sure to save multiple copies of the file to multiple online drives.

"You have a file?" Rollins asks, being more surprised than she should have been.

"I'm a Lawyer, I cover my basis." Barba explains, he is about to explain one of his reasons why he did that, but Olivia interrupts him before he can

"And yet you didn't get Alex to go to the police." Olivia comments, being angry about that.

"I tried! Lexie refused so I did the only thing that I could do." Barba informs Olivia, it being clear that he blames himself for Alex being hurt.

"Which wasn't much." Olivia comments, "You've been working SVU for three years, you should have known better." She says walking over to Barba.

"If I had tried to force Lexie to go to the police or to tell you then she would have run, and I wouldn't have been able to do the little that I could do to help her." Barba says angrily, "Once Lexie makes up her mind there is nothing that can be done to get her to change it, you know that!" He tells Olivia, sounding both angry and guilty.

"You should have done more." Olivia says, just sounding angry.

"Enough you two." A voice says and Olivia and Barba turn to see Munch walking towards them, holding a bag.

"John? What are you doing here?" Olivia ask surprised, though glad, to see him.

"Fin called. He told me what was going on and we figured that you two could use a mediator." Munch says, Rollins being very grateful that someone who Barba and Olivia may actually listen to has arrived, "You're both angry, I get that, Alex is important to you both, but right now there is no point playing the blame game. The only person to blame is the person who did this to Alex." Munch says.

"He's right." Rollins says, "We need to get this guy and we can't do that if we are blaming each other." She says and after exchanging a look both Olivia and Barba nod, "You're the only witness I need your statement." She tells Barba, "Start from when you left Olivia's place."

"After I left Olivia's I took a cab to three blocks away from Lexie's were I got out and walked the rest of the way." Barba explains.

"Why didn't you take the cab the entire way?" Munch asks.

"Because I've been followed more than once in the last year and a half. Torres knows that there is a very, very good chance that I could lead him to Lexie so I've been careful not to do that." Barba explains as he almost led Torres to Alex and Ella once and he promised himself that he would never do that again.

"Okay. What happened next?" Rollins asks.

"When I arrived at the apartment building after being sure I wasn't followed I discovered that the night door person was there instead of the day. She told me that the day person has gotten sick so the door was untinted for an hour." Barba explains, "As soon as I heard that I panicked and ran upstairs where I found the door open. I called out and ran inside and found Lexie on the ground. She was unconscious, bleeding and her clothes were either ripped or missing." He says, "I checked for vitals and called 911. Then I picked up Ella and called Olivia."

"Did you touch anything else?" Rollins asks.

"No."

"Why did you go to Cabot's?" Rollins asks.

"Because I go there every day to check up on her, and spend time with my friend." Barba explains.

"Same time or different?" Olivia asks.

"It depends on the day." Barba answers, the only reason why he checked his phone today is because he was wondering if he would be able to see Ella before her afternoon nap.

"Did you notice anything? Did anything seem out of the ordinary?" Munch asks, "Did you hear anything when you first arrived?"

"Except for the door person going home early, there was nothing odd." Barba answers, "And I didn't hear anything either." He adds.

"How long has Cabot lived in the apartment?" Rollins asks.

"Six weeks." Barba answers, "She's been moving every few months or weeks for the last eighteen months." He explains.

"Okay, and where is she working? The DA's office?" Rollins asks.

"No, Lexie hasn't worked since she left Philadelphia." Barba explains as Alex knew that if she worked then Torres would easily find her.

"Then how did she afford that apartment?" Rollins asks confused.

"She used the Cabot Fortune, didn't she?" Olivia asks, being shocked about that.

"Yeah, she did." Barba confirms.

"Cabot Fortune?" Rollins asks.

"Doesn't Alex hate using her family money?" Munch asks as they have had a conversation about that before.

"She does." Barba confirms, "She always has. Lexie has always lived on the money she earned herself, unless she truly had no other choice. She knew that her family money and influence got her certain perks but she did her best not to use them."

"What changed?" Rollins asks.

"It is the only way she could hide from Torres." Barba explains, as even that wasn't a guarantee, "Lexie wanted to stay hidden, she needed to stay hidden to protect herself and Ella, and using the Cabot money and resources, which Lexie has full access to as both her parents are dead, was the best way to do that."

"Do you have a list of all the places Cabot has lived in the last eighteen months?" Rollins asks.

"It's in the file I gave you." Barba reveals.

"Okay. I think that's about it." Rollins says checking her notes, "Is there anything else you can think of? Anything that could help?"

"No." Barba says, trying to think then he realises, "The security camera." He realises.

"There were cameras in the apartment?" Olivia asks, being surprised by that as she knows how Alex is when it comes to her privacy.

"Just one. Hidden in the clock face in the living room." Barba explains, "Torres, or who we've assumed to be Torres, has broken in to other places Lexie was staying before, so she put in the one camera as a small way to help her feel safer, she only just put it in." He explains, as Alex wanted to feel safe but she didn't want to compromise her privacy more than it was so she just put in one camera, in a common area.

"I'll get CSU and TURU to find it." Rollins says.

"Sargent Benson." A voice says and Barba, Munch, Rollins and Olivia turn to see a nurse.

"How's Alex?" Olivia asks walking over to the nurse.

"She's being taken to surgery. A doctor will be out soon with an update." The nurse explains, "I have the rape kit."

"Detective Rollins will vouch for that." Olivia says, "What did you find?"

"Evidence of brutal Rape." The nurse says, confirming what they were all suspecting, "Presence of spermicide, so no DNA."

"Not surprising. He's too smart, knows too much not to use a condom." Barba says before walking back over to Ella as honestly he doesn't want to hear anymore.

"Maybe not, it looks like he ejaculated on her stomach and it wasn't cleaned." The Nurse explains.

"That's probably what the bleach was for." Rollins comments and knowing what he knows Barba has to agree to that and it does make sense with what else they know.

"Get the kit to the lab, now." Olivia instructs Rollins.

"On it." Rollins says but instead of following the nurse she walks over to Barba, "I'm going to need your shirt and jacket."

"Right, there's blood on them." Barba says.

"Here, Fin also mentioned that you might need a change of clothes." Munch says, handing over a bag.

"Thanks." Barba responds, "Liv…." Barba starts to say.

"I'll watch Ella." Olivia promises.

"Thanks." Barba says before walking away, Rollins following so that she can maintain the chain of custody.

While Barba and Rollins walk away Olivia and Munch walk over to Ella.

"So this is Cabot's daughter." Munch says, looking at the girl, shocked as he never pictured Alex as a mother.

"Yeah." Olivia comments as she checks to make sure Ella is okay, "Barba said that her full name is Rafaela Olivia Cabot." Olivia reveals as she sits down next to the toddler.

"Wow. How does that make you feel?" Munch asks as he sits down next to Olivia.

"I don't know." Olivia admits, "She didn't call me John, she's been through god knows what and she didn't call, she called Barba instead." Olivia says, hating that she wasn't able to help the person who is so important to her.

"Alex would have had her reasons. All this started eighteen months ago, remember what you were going though eighteen months ago?" Munch asks.

"Lewis."

"Even in Philly Alex would have known what was going on; she probably didn't want to add to what you were going though." Munch comments.

"I would have wanted to help. After everything we've gone through I would have thought that Alex would have known that." Olivia says, feeling like she failed her friend even though she couldn't have known what was going on.

"She probably did, but as much as we don't want to admit it Alex is a victim, has been for a while and you're her ex and a cop. Barba's neither….. Right?" Munch says realising that his whole argument could fall apart if he is wrong.

"Right. He's just her best friend." Olivia answers.

"It might have been easier to go to him, to admit everything to him." Munch says and they drift into silence. Olivia is thinking about what Munch said and even though she knows he's right she can't help but wish that she knew, then maybe Alex would be okay.

"When Barba called he sounded so freaked." Olivia tells Munch, breaking the silence a few minutes later, "I have never heard him like that, and I'm the one who broke the news to him when Alex was shot." Olivia explains as after Alex was shot she felt like she owed it to Alex to make sure she was the one who told Barba, and even though he sounded more freaked today she has still never seen him fall apart in the way he did that night, "When I got to the scene I expected to have lost her, again."

"You didn't." Munch says, "Alex's still fighting, Liv." Munch says reaching out and grabbing Olivia's hand, "And if there is one thing Alex Cabot knows how to do its fight."

"Nice look, Barba." Olivia says when she sees Barba walking back into the waiting area.

"This shirt is horrible." Barba says as he walks over.

"It's the best I could do on short notice. You're lucky that I got you that." Munch comments.

"Did you call your Mother?" Olivia asks, deciding to change the subject.

"No, not yet." Barba says before pulling his phone out of his pocket and walking away from Olivia and Munch where he proceeds to make a call in Spanish.

"How'd your Mom take it?" Olivia asks when Barba walks back over a few minutes later.

"About as well as I was expecting." Barba says as he picks up Ella and sits down where she was lying, holding her.

"Are they close?" Munch asks curious.

"Yeah." Barba confirms as his mother has always had a soft spot for Alex, she considers Alex to be family, always has.

"How did you two become friends?" Munch asks confused, "You don't exactly have a lot in common." He says.

"We were eighteen, in collage." Barba says, "It was only a few weeks into the semester…"

 _September 1990._

 _The results of the first assignment for a political science class had just been posted and because of that everyone who took the class crowed around the notice board so that they were able to look at the grades._

" _Oh come on." One of the people who took the class said, he was clearly angry about the mark he received._

" _What's the problem Granger? Realising that you can't get everything you want because of your name?" Barba asked. He was proud of himself as he got one of the best makes in the class._

" _Shut up Barba. No one asked you. Run back to where you came from. This grade doesn't prove that you belong here." The guy said annoyed._

" _Wow, did he hit a sore spot Granger?" Alex asked from the crowed of people._

" _Go back to the kitchen Cabot, no one asked you." The guys' friend responded._

" _Really? That's the best you can come up with, no wonder you're failing." Alex said. She was already used to the way the 'named' males at school treated her so she didn't let them get to her._

" _Grades don't matter Cabot, that's not how the world works." Granger said as he walked over Alex having done so to try and intimidate her, "When we graduate I'll have everything and you two will be nowhere, so I don't have to try."_

" _Exactly, which means you'll always know that you've never achieved anything for yourself, that whatever you get you'll only get because of Daddy. Barba on the other hand will be great because he worked for it." Alex said, not being phased by Granger's attempt to humiliate her, and to the amusement of both her and Barba Granger and his friends just glared at them before they walked away._

" _Nicely done." Barba said to Alex as he walked over to her._

" _Thanks. You were handling things well enough on your own, but those guys have been bugging me for weeks, so I kind of had to." Alex admitted._

" _That's fine by me." Barba said, "So I've got an hour before my next class, would you be interesting in getting a cup of coffee with me? Talk about all the jerks we have to put up with?" Barba asked, having wanted a friend and Alex was the first person he meet at school that he thought he could be friends with._

" _I'd like that." Alex said in response with a smile._

"We've been friends ever since." Barba explains, "Lexie had the name and family to fit in with all of those guys but they thought less of her, and never took her seriously, because she was a woman, and because she is different to them. We bonded over that."

"That sounds about right." Munch comments.

"I've never heard that story before." Olivia comments as all she knew is that Barba and Alex have been best friends since collage, she never knew how exactly they meet.

"Really?"

"Really." Olivia confirms, "Alex told me a lot but I'm guessing I don't know all your stories." Olivia comments as she has spent enough time around both Alex and Barba to know that.

"No one does." Barba says, knowing for a fact that there are stories that he and Alex are the only ones who know, stories that no one other than them will ever know.

"You told the nurse earlier that you have full legal guardianship over Ella until Alex is okay, are you sure?" Olivia asks, wanting to be positive, needing to be positive.

"I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't." Barba says, sounding annoyed, "Lexie made sure of that, it was one of her contingency plans in case, well in case something like this happened." Barba explains before turning to look directly at Olivia, "I tried every day to get Lexie to report everything, but she wouldn't, and I knew that if I went to someone, even you, without her okay then I wouldn't be able to help either of them." Barba says, it being clear just how much guilt he is feeling, as even though he knew that going to the police wasn't a guaranty that Alex would be okay he knew there was a chance so he had to keep trying to convince her, "I did everything I could, but my hands were tied."

"I'm getting that." Olivia says and the three of them drift into silence.

* * *

After leaving the hospital Rollins went to the lab to drop off the rape kit and the other evidence she collected at the hospital before heading to the station.

"How's things at the hospital?" Fin asks as he sees Rollins.

"Tense. Good call on calling Munch."

"I thought it was a good idea. Did Barba give you anything?" Fin asks curious.

"Yeah, he sent me through a file on the person he believed did this." Rollins explains.

"Why does Barba have a file on whoever he thinks did this?" Carisi asks.

"Because eighteen months ago he beat Cabot and he's been trying to find her ever since." Rollins explains, "It seems like he has been stalking her."

"Is there any proof of that?" Amaro asks.

"Barba said there is." Rollins says putting the file on the screen so that they can all see, "Here, photos of the attack from eighteen months ago." She says as she opens the sub folder.

"Liv doesn't see this." Fin informs the others when they all see the pictures in the file.

"What if she asked to?" Amaro asks.

"Liv doesn't see this." Fin repeats, "Understood?" he asks and they all nod, "I know you lot don't know her that well but Alex is family to me, Liv, Munch, Cragen and apparently Barba, so we treat this exactly the same as if it was Liv, Munch, Cragen or any of us." Fin informs them, "We need to find whoever did this and make him understand what happens when you hurt a member of this family, understood?" Fin asks.

"Understood." Rollins, Amaro and Carisi respond.

"Good." Fin says.

"There is more. Barba said that there is a hidden camera in the living room. TARU is checking." Rollins explains.

"Good, but we can't relying on that. We need physical evidence to nail this guy, so get to work." Fin says and that's exactly what they do.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Thank you to everyone who is supporting this story. It means soo much to me.

Also officially who is the DA in the SVU universe right now? I couldn't find the answer so I went with McCoy.

* * *

It has been more than two hour since Fin informed Rollins, Amaro and Carisi that Alex is family and ever since they have all been working to try and determine if Torres is the one who hurt Alex or whether there are other suspects.

"Guys, you've got to see this." Rollins calls and Fin and Amaro hurry over, "The camera's got something." She says and she presses play.

To Fin, Rollins, and Amaro's horror they watch as Alex sits on the ground reading to Ella before suddenly jumping up and trying to run, holding Ella, but before she can a Hispanic man comes and grabs her, throwing both Alex and Ella to the ground, Alex landing awkwardly on her arm while she tries to protect Ella. They watch as the man threatens Alex with a knife, but she keeps fighting back while trying to protect Ella, who is now on the floor, which causes her to get stabbed and cut several times. As they watch all three detectives realise that while he is trying to hurt and stop Alex from causing him harm he clearly wants her to keep fighting back, but even that wasn't enough. The man, who they know for sure is Torres over powers her, rips her clothes, puts on a condom, and rapes her. Once he is done Torres removes the condom, puts it in his pocket, and ejaculates on her stomach. The entire time he is raping her Alex never once stops fighting, which seems to please him, getting punched and cut again several times because of that. Once he finishes with her Torres tries to move towards Ella, who is on the ground crying, but Alex, somehow, manages to get up, fights harder and gets pushed into the table, hitting her head, which knocks her unconscious, knocks her glasses off Alex's face which breaks them, and causing the knife to go flying out of Torres's hand. Once Alex is down Torres seems to lose all interest in Ella and walks out of screen, completely ignoring the crying toddler, into the kitchen, before coming back with bleach and matches. Once he puts bleach on the table he walks over and grabs something else from out of screen, a tarp. Which he puts on the ground before opening the window. Torres opens the window but then almost like he heard something he pauses, looks to Alex before climbing out of the window; seconds later Barba comes running in.

"Turn it off." Fin requests as Rollins's phone rings.

"Rollins." Rollins answers.

"She never stopped fighting." Amaro comments amazed by that as never once did Alex give up, even when she kept getting hurt.

"I didn't expect anything else." Fin comments as it is clear to him that Alex wasn't fighting for herself she was fighting for Ella and the Alex he knows always fights for other people and doesn't stop.

"Got him!" Rollins says as she hangs up the phone.

"What have you got?" Fin asks.

"That was the lab. The seamen is a DNA match to Torres, so is the blood from underneath Alex's finger nails, and the prints found at the scene match too." Rollins explains.

"And the witness picked him out of the photo array." Carisi says walking into the room as a person saw a man climbing down the fire escape seconds before Barba called the police.

"Between that and the video we've got him." Amaro says, being glad about that.

"Video?" Carisi asks.

"Not yet we don't." Fin informs them, ignoring Carisi's comment, "How did the lab get his prints and DNA?" Fin asks.

"Both were in the system because of his job." Rollins explains.

"Which Is what?" Carisi asks curious

"Private Military Contractor." Rollins says, sounding less than thrilled about that.

"Great." Fin says sarcastically, "That explains how he knew that he would have to clean up everything." Fin comments.

"That's more than enough to pick him up." Amaro comments.

"It is, but we're doing this the right way, so he can't get free on a technically or by pulling strings. We're getting a warrant first." Fin says as there is no way that he is letting there be anything that Torres's lawyers can use to get him off.

"From who? We can't go to Barba." Carisi points out, "So who can get us a warrant?"

"I've got to make a call." Fin says as if this was any other case and they couldn't go to Barba then he would say they could go to Alex, but she's not an option right now.

* * *

At the hospital Olivia, Barba, Munch and Ella, who is still asleep, are still sitting together waiting for news on Alex. As the more time passes it is clear that the three of them are more eager for answers. Even though they know that there being no news could either be a good thing or a bad thing Olivia and Barba are doing their best not to think about it.

"Liv, Barba, would you like some coffee?" Munch asks curious, wanting to do something.

"Sure." Olivia says.

"Always." Barba responds and Munch gets up and goes on search for drinks for the three of them.

"How has Ella not been woken up?" Olivia asks Barba as it is quiet loud and she would have expected the toddler to have been woken by the noise.

"She's a deep sleeper." Barba explains, "Once she's asleep it takes a lot to wake up." Barba admits, as he knows that for a fact and it is something that both he and Alex have been thankful for more than once.

"That's good."

"Yeah."

"Rafaela Olivia?" Olivia says, questioning wanting an explanation, or at least Barba's explanation.

"When Ella was born Lexie said that her daughter is going to need to be strong and so she gave Ella the middle name of the strongest person she knows, you." Barba says as he remembers that conversation well, and isn't surprised that Olivia asked about that.

"I…." Olivia starts to say but before she can say more she is interrupted by her phone ringing. "It's Fin." She informs Barba, who tenses, hoping for good news "Benson."

"We've got prints and DNA linking the guy, a witness, and a video of the attack." Fin informs Olivia.

"I thought there were no witnesses." Olivia says.

"No one heard anything, but someone saw a man climbing down the fire escape seconds before Barba called the police, they got a good enough look to pick him out." Fin explains, "We need an arrest warrant. Any suggestions on who we can go to?" Fin asks as he knows that considering it is Alex the ADA they go to will have to be someone with experience, someone they trust.

"Hold on." Olivia requests, "They've got evidence, they want to get an arrest warrant" Olivia informs Barba.

"And they need to know who we trust enough." Barba realises.

"Yeah, I was thinking Casey." Olivia says.

"Novak?" Barba asks.

"Yeah, she's the only other ADA who has enough experience with SVU. Who I would trust enough." Olivia explains as the list of ADA's that she completely trusts is only three names long and two of them are currently unable to get the warrant.

"I agree, tell them to go to her." Barba says nodding in agreement.

"Fin, go to Casey." Olivia instructs.

"Will do. How's our girl?" Fin asks.

"There's no news."

"Okay. I'll keep you updated." Fin says.

"I'll do the same." Olivia says before they both hang up.

"There was a witness?" Barba asks.

"Yeah, someone saw our guy climbing down the fire escape." Olivia explains.

"How long before I arrived?" Barba asks and Olivia tenses as she isn't sure that she wants to answer that.

"Here." Munch says returning with the drinks and handing them over.

"Thanks." Barba and Olivia say.

"How long, Liv?" Barba asks as Munch sits back down, as he knows it must not have been long and he needs to know just how late he was to help.

"Not long." Olivia answers.

"So you mean if I got there just a bit sooner then maybe Lexie would be okay?" Barba asks the guilt more than clear in his voice.

"Like Munch said before this isn't on you." Olivia informs Barba, seeing just how much guilt he is feeling.

"It feels like it is." Barba responds, "Lexie stayed with me when she first got out of WITSEC, did you know that?"

"No, I didn't." Olivia says, wondering why Barba is bringing that up now.

"For months Lexie barely slept, she would stay awake, almost like she was waiting for an attack." Barba reveals, "When she got back from the Congo, she stayed with me again and did the exact same thing, and for the last eighteen months she has spent every day just waiting for the next attack, expecting it like it was a sure thing." Barba explains, it hurts him to admit it and honestly it hurts Olivia to hear it, "Do you think Lexie will ever feel safe?" Barba asks Olivia curious.

"I don't know." Olivia admits, "But I do know that us getting this guy, putting him away, will help Alex start to."

"That's if we get him." Barba says, "He's a Private Military Contactor. He has pull and a lot of friends in both the armed forces and federal agencies." Barba explains, as that was one of the reasons why Alex wouldn't go to the police.

"And you're just telling me this now?" Olivia asks, shock in her voice as that's the kind of thing that Barba should have mentioned before.

"Crap." Barba says realising his mistake.

"Stay with them." Olivia says to Munch before pulling out her phone and rushing out of the room, planning on getting protection details for Barba, Barba's mother, Alex and Ella.

"Private Military Contractor, not long before you arrived. You're lucky he didn't try to kill you too." Munch informs Barba.

"I yelled before I rushed in, that's how he knew to escape." Barba tells Munch, "And Lexie, My mother, and I had a system with the door person. From once we stepped in the elevator on the ground floor we had to two minutes to get upstairs and buzz down otherwise security would come check to make sure everything was okay. I wouldn't be surprised if Torres knew that." Barba says, honestly he would be more surprised if Torres didn't, "He could have either killed me or escaped, he choose the smart choice."

"Great, he's not going to be easy to catch." Munch comments.

"No, he's not." Barba confirms and to his surprise he sees someone he wasn't expecting. "Mami." Barba says standing up, carefully moving Ella as he does, "I told you that you didn't have to come." He says.

"It's Lexie of course I had to come." Lucia says as she considers Alex to be family, to be her daughter, so much so that she has insisted for many years that Alex call her Mami, and along with Rafael and Lucia's mother she is one of only three people that call Alex Lexie, something which she doesn't like when anyone else does. "I would have been here sooner but I had to finish a few things that I couldn't put off then go back to my apartment to get some things of Ella's that she may need." Lucia explains, "Is there any news on Lexie?"

"Not yet." Barba answers as Munch clears his throat, "Mami this is John Munch, he used to work with Lexie and I." Barba introduces.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs Barba." John says sticking his hand out for Lucia to shake which she returns.

"It's nice to meet you too." Lucia responds.

"Okay, so as soon as Alex gets out of surgery she will be under police protection and until this guy is caught you, your Mother and Ella will to." Olivia says walking back into the room, looking at her phone, "Don't even argue with me on this because you're not going to win." Olivia says as she looks up, "Mrs Barba, it's nice to see you again." Olivia says, surprised to see her.

"It's nice to see you too Olivia, though I wish it was under better circumstances." Lucia says, "So Torres definitely was the one who hurt her." Lucia says as even though Alex and Barba were careful about what they said around her she knows more than enough as Alex and Barba wanted her to know what could happen.

"I never had a doubt, but yes, it's confirmed." Barba informs his mother.

"The rest of my offices are going after a warrant for his arrest." Olivia tells Lucia.

"Good." Lucia says as she sits down next to Ella.

"Let's just hope he's home." Munch says

"I would be surprised if he was." Barba admits, as he knows that Torres wants Alex to hurt and Alex was sure, and he grew to agree, that Torres wants Alex dead and he won't give up until she is, but he also wants her suffer first, so there is no way he will be where he can easily get arrested.

"Well we're not going to give up until we get him." Olivia says as she too sits down.

* * *

After hanging up with Olivia Fin got Rollins, Carisi and Amaro and the four of them have headed straight to Casey's office.

When they arrive at Casey's office, Fin knocks on the door and sticks his head in, "You busy counsellor?"

"Not at all." Casey answers with a smile, "Come in." she requests and Fin, Rollins, Carisi and Amaro all walk in, "Okay, I'm guessing this isn't a social call." Casey says as if it was just Fin, or Fin and Olivia then it would be but Rollins, Carisi and Amaro be there too means that it's business.

"No, it's not." Fin says, "We need your help."

"Don't you have a permanent ADA now?" Casey asks.

"We do." Rollins confirms, "But our ADA is a key witness and best friend to our victim. He can't help with this."

"Where is, Liv?" Casey asks, getting a horrible feeling.

"With ADA Barba at the hospital. It's Alex who was attacked, and raped." Fin reveals.

"Cabot?" Casey asks shocked, "I didn't even know she was back."

"Until today the only person who did was Barba." Amaro answers.

"Is Alex okay?" Casey asks as even though she and Alex aren't very close she does consider them to be more than acquaintances, if not friends.

"Last we heard she was still in surgery." Fin explains.

"What do you need?" Casey asks, wanting to do whatever she can.

"Arrest warrant. We have a video of the attack, evidence of past violence against Alex, DNA and prints at the scene." Fin explains.

"What aren't you saying?" Casey asks, having known Fin for long enough to know that there is something that he isn't saying.

"He's a Private Military Contractor." Amaro explains, "Who apparently has a lot of friends."

"Great." Casey says sarcastically, "Tell me anything." Casey says as she gets started on typing the warrant, and that's exactly what the four offices do.

* * *

About twenty five minutes later Casey, Fin, Amaro, Rollins and Carisi, who have finished the warrant and left Casey's office, arrive at the chambers of Judge Donnelly.

"How do you know that Donnelly will be here?" Fin asks

"Because I do." Casey answers as she knocks on the door.

"Enter." Liz Donnelly responds and the group of five entre; even with all her experience Liz can't help but stop her reaction, "Four detectives and a Prosecutor, this is never good." Liz comments.

"No, it's not." Fin confirms, "I honestly wish that we didn't need to be here."

"Who?" Liz ask as she doesn't need them to say anymore to know that someone they all know has been hurt.

"Alex Cabot." Casey answers, knowing that it is going to hurt Liz to hear that as Liz and Alex have always been close.

"How bad? What happened?"

"She's still in surgery. Olivia, Barba, and Munch are there." Rollins explains.

"She was attacked and raped in her apartment. Alex left Philadelphia, with Barba's help, eighteen months ago when she was seven months pregnant to get away from her abusive ex." Fin explains.

"And you're thinking he did this." Liz comments.

"We have the video from a hidden security camera of the attack. DNA match and prints." Fin explains, "From the video it looks like he was going to destroy the evidence, but he didn't get the chance."

"Which makes complete sense considering his training." Amaro adds.

"Training?" Liz asks.

"Private military contractor." Carisi says.

"That's perfect." Liz says sarcastically, "You said Alex was pregnant eighteen months ago, what happened to the child?"

"Ella, she's sixteen months old and saw the entire attack. Barba said that has legal custody while Alex is hurt and we checked to make sure he was telling the truth, which he was." Amaro explains, "Alex was being beaten, stabbed and raped and she still tried to do everything she could to protect her daughter." Amaro explains.

"Arrest warrant?" Liz asks assuming that that is why the four offices and prosecutor are there.

"We just need your signature." Casey says handing the typed warrant over.

"You've got it." Liz says, "Get this guy." Liz tells Fin, Rollins, Carisi and Amaro, "We've got to tell McCoy before he finds out another way." She says looking at Casey.

"Alex isn't an ADA anymore." Rollins points out as Liz hands Fin the warrant.

"Doesn't matter, Alex will always be one of us." Liz says

"Just like she will always be our family." Fin says, "Here, you're going to want this." Fin says, handing a thumb drive to Liz, "It's got everything we've got on Torres, A copy of the security video, and a copy of the file Barba has on everything Torres's done to Alex." He explains.

"Let's nail this guy." Casey says and the six people leave Liz's chambers. Liz and Casey going to talk to McCoy and Fin, Rollins, Carisi and Amaro going to execute the warrant, even though Amaro can't help them he is going anyway.

* * *

As he sits and waits for news, any news, about how Alex is Barba can't help but think about everything he and Alex have been through together. They became friends right after they had coffee together for that first time, but it took a few months before they became best friends, and he still remembers the exact moment that he knew Alex was his best friend.

 _Thanksgiving 1990_

 _Having returned to campus early after going home for thanksgiving Barba has found himself at the door to Alex's dorm. Alex had stayed on campus for thanksgiving as she didn't want to go home, in part because she didn't want to listen to her father tell her a hundred times that she doesn't have what it takes to be a lawyer._

 _As he stared at Alex's door Barba found himself knocking before he could stop himself. About a minute later the door opened to reveal Alex standing in jeans and an old shirt, she was clearly not expecting company._

" _I thought you were going home for a few days, for the holiday." Alex said, even though she had a small reaction to the bruise that is starting to form on Barba's eyes, it was clear that she wasn't going to mention it._

" _I did." Barba answered, "Didn't go well." He said. Even though he didn't want to talk about what had happened he felt like he owed Alex an explanation for why he showed up on her doorstep._

" _I'm sorry." Alex told him, "I have Chinese, trashy movies and left over beer, interested?"_

" _Very." Barba said in response. As soon as Barba stepped over the threshold Alex pulled Barba into a hug, something which honestly Barba very much needed._

 _For the rest of the night Alex and Barba spent time together and never once did Alex treat Barba any differently than she usually did, she never questioned him, for which he was always thankful. That was the night that they became best friends._

"Barba." Olivia says, as Ella is crying but Barba seems to have not heard, "Rafael." She says as she places her hand on Barba's shoulder.

"Sorry, what?" Barba asks, snapping out of his thoughts, then he realises that Ella is crying, "Oh Ella, shhh, its okay Ella, it's okay, Pequeña." Barba says trying to comfort her.

"When was the last time she ate?" Lucia asks her son.

"Um….I honestly don't know." Barba admits, "Lexie would have feed her at lunch."

"Which was a while ago." Olivia points out.

"I can take Ella down to the cafeteria and get her some food." Lucia suggests.

"That would be good." Barba says, "Ella, do you want to go with Abuelita to get some food?" Barba asks Ella, who's crying has decreased somewhat. In response Ella nods. "Okay." Barba says and Lucia takes Ella off of Barba.

"Why don't I join you, I'm rather hungry myself." Munch says, lying but he knows that it's not safe for Lucia and Ella to go down to the cafeteria by themselves.

"Sure." Lucia says, "Ella do you want to say hello to Mr Munch?" Lucia asks, "He knows your Mom and Tío."

"Just call me Munch, it's really nice to meet you Ella." Munch says.

"Hi." Ella responds nervously.

"I'll bring you both back some food." Lucia says, there being no question in her voice.

"Sure." Barba says as even though he is sure that he won't be able to eat he knows his mother and knows that there is no point in questioning her.

"Don't let them out of your sight." Olivia hisses to Munch as he gets up.

"I won't." Munch promises before he, Lucia and Ella leave.

"You were staring out into space." Olivia says to Barba, "What were you thinking about?" she asks curious.

"The moment I knew Lexie was my best friend." Barba reveals, "It's been hours since they took Lexie to surgery. It's taking too long, it must be bad." He tells Olivia.

"We don't know yet, not yet." Oliva says and Barba just gives her a look, "I know, but I can't think like that, I just can't." Olivia informs Barba, as she won't let herself think about the possibility of Alex dying, not until she absolutely has to.

"I can't not." Barba admits. Not sure what to say to help, not sure if there is anything she could say, Olivia reaches out and grabs Barba's hand in support and comfort.

* * *

After getting the warrant from Liz it takes about thirty minutes for Fin, Rollins, Carisi and Amaro, with ESU, to get to the location where Torres lives.

While Amaro stays back Fin, Rollins, Carisi and the ESU unit move towards the apartment.

"This guy almost killed a former ADA and has military training. We move quick and quietly." Fin instructs.

"Got it." One of the ESU offices responds.

Once everyone is in position Fin and the head of the ESU exchange nods and they break down the door, yelling "NYPD." As they do.

As they break through the apartment it looks empty but everyone still spread out to check.

"Clear."

"Clear."

"Clear."

"It's all clear, he's not here." Fin says as he holsters his gun, "Get CSU up here, I want anything that could tell us where this psyco's gone."

"Do you really think he would have left anything behind?" Amaro asks as he enters the apartment.

"No, but we have to check." Fin says, "Put APB out. Wait for CSU, and see if they can find anything then go back to Novak, Donnelly and McCoy. I'll meet you there." Fin tells Rollins, Carisi and Amaro.

"Where are you going?" Carisi asks.

"The Hospital. I can't tell Liv and Barba that we've lost this guy over the phone." Fin explains, pulling out his phone as he goes as there is a call he wants to make, there is someone he needs to ask for help.

* * *

About twenty minutes after he left Torres's apartment Fin arrives at the hospital waiting room where Lucia, Ella and Munch have just returned from getting food. Olivia and Barba are drinking the drinks, though not eating the food that Lucia and Munch brought them, while Lucia is reading to Ella from a book that she brought from home.

"Liv, Barba." Munch says when he sees Fin walk in.

"Did you get him?" Barba asks getting up and rushing over, Olivia and Munch right behind.

"No. His place was empty." Fin explains, "We're still looking though, and Casey and Donnelly were going to brief McCoy. They said that he needs to know."

"That makes sense, even though Lexie isn't an ADA anymore she's still one of us." Barba comments as Olivia nods in agreement, and he knows that Donnelly cares about Alex and McCoy respects her.

"What are you doing to find this guy?" Olivia asks.

"Everything I can." Fin says, "There is an APB out, CSU is combing his place. I called Huang and he's on his way so he can help with a profile. Once I leave here I'm going to meet with Donnelly, McCoy and Casey, so we can figure out a smart plan for catching this guy." Fin explains.

"Family of Alexandra Cabot." A voice says before either Olivia or Barba can respond.

"Yes." Barba says and the doctor walks over, "I'm her next of kin." He explains.

"Rafael Barba?" The doctor asks, checking the notes in front of her, and Barba nods.

"How is she?" Barba asks.

"Maybe we should talk alone." The Doctor suggests,

"Sargent Benson, Detective Tutuola, and Inspector Munch are family too, anything you have to say to me you can say to them." Barba says as Lucia purposely tries to distract Ella in case it is bad news.

"Of course." The doctor responds and Barba, Olivia and Munch all tense all of them hoping for good news but expecting the worse.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

"Ms Cabot is out of surgery." The Doctor reveals, "She has cuts and bruises all over her torso and limbs, several of which required stiches. She has three broken ribs, her left wrist was broken along with her nose, all of which have been treated; her arm will be in a cast for at least six weeks." The Doctor explains, and even though they all want to Olivia, Barba, Fin and Munch know better than to intupt, "Ms Cabot also suffered a stab wound to the abdomen and some internal bleeding, and because of that we had to perform a partial splenectomy." The doctor reveals, "When she arrived what we were most worried about was the injury to her head. The trauma caused a brain haemorrhage and we were forced to perform a craniotomy to relieve the pressure."

"Is Lexie alive?" Barba asks, it being clear that he is fearing the worse.

"Ms Cabot is alive and being moved to ICU. She is in critical, but stable condition." The doctor explains.

"Did the haemorrhage cause any brain damage?" Olivia asks.

"We can't be sure until she wakes up, which will be at some point in the next twenty four to seventy two hours, but as we were able to relieve the pressure very quickly I don't believe so." The doctor explains, "Everything is favourable to Ms Cabot making a fall recovery."

"Thank you, Doctor." Baba says, still being worried but incredibly relived at the same time.

"I can take you through to see her now if you would like." The doctor says, "Usually only three visitors at a time is allowed, but I can make an expectation."

"Thank you." Olivia says, gratefully, "Doctor, Alex is under protective custody until the person who hurt her is apprehended and so there will be two offices outside her room at all time and no one is allowed in unless they are on a pre-approved list; which I would like to work with you to create." Olivia inform the doctor.

"Of course." The Doctor says, "I have to ask; is Ms Cabot an NYPD officer?" The Doctor asks curious as it seems like it to her.

"She's a former ADA, which makes her one of us and we don't take well to one of our own being hurt." Fin says.

"Of course, I understand. Would you like to go back now?" The Doctor asks.

"In a minute. I have to tell her daughter first." Barba says.

"Of course. I'll be at the nurse station when you're ready." The Doctor says and she walks over to the station while Barba walks over to his mother and Ella.

"Ella's not even two, how does Barba explains something like this to her?" Munch asks.

"He can't. He's just got to try." Olivia says as she watches Barba kneel down in front of Ella, "I want Torres found and I want him found now." Olivia says angrily to Fin and Munch.

"I'll get back to the others. We're not going to give up on this Liv, and we're not going to give up on her." Fin says comforting.

"I'll join you. Now that my bosses are involved I can formally help." Munch says.

"Fine with me. Let me know if something changes." Fin says, Olivia nods and Fin and Munch leave.

As Fin and Munch leave Barba, who is now holding Ella, and Lucia walk over to Olivia and after she and Barba exchange nods they walk over to the doctor.

"We're ready to go back now." Barba says.

"Of course follow me." The Doctor says and she leaves Olivia, Barba and Lucia to Alex's room, pausing when they reach the door.

"Doc?" Olivia asks.

"I should warn you Ms Cabot still has a breathing tube down her throat, we're hoping to remove it in the next twelve hours." The Doctor explains, "It could be distressing to see."

"Thank you for warning us." Olivia says.

"Of course." The Doctor says before leaving them.

"Maybe I shouldn't take Ella in." Barba says, clearly confused about what to do, not sure how Ella will react to seeing her mother with a tube down her throat and different tubes and wires connected to her.

"Mommy?" Ella asks, causing Olivia and Barba to exchange a look, it being clear that Barba is looking to Olivia for help.

"Yeah Ella we're going to see your Mommy." Olivia says, moving so that she's looking right at Ella, "You're Mommy is hurt and she might not look like Mommy right now, but she is." Olivia says, "It might be scary and that's okay, but if it's too scary just tell your Tío Rafi, Abuelita, or me and you can leave." Olivia says, using the Spanish names as that's what Ella, Lucia and Barba have been using, "You don't have to stay if it's too scary. Okay?" Olivia ask the toddler.

"Okay." Ella responds and Barba mouths 'thank you' to Olivia.

After a minutes pause Barba, Olivia and Lucia force themselves to push the door open and enter. Even though they were expecting it, seeing Alex on the bed with a tube down her throat, tubes and wires coming of her, bandages on various parts of her body and a cast on her arm, isn't easy.

"Mommy." Ella says, sounding upset.

"Yeah, like Olivia said Mommy is hurt right now." Barba says, "But she's still, Mommy."

"Better?" Ella asks as Olivia walks over and touches Alex's hand that's not in cast.

"I hope so." Barba says, "Do you want to leave?" Barba asks Ella.

"No."

"Okay. Tell me if you want to." Barba tells the toddler as he walks over and sits on one of the chairs right next to Alex. Olivia sits on her other side and Lucia sits next to Barba and Ella.

* * *

After leaving Donnelly's office Casey and Liz head straight to McCoy's office where he is a meeting that they can't interrupt, no matter how important it is, so Casey and Liz sit and wait, neither being too happy about that.

After about forty five minutes McCoy finally finishes the meeting and walks out and as soon as he sees Liz and Casey he knows that whatever the reason for them being there isn't a good one

"What's happened?" McCoy asks, not even bothering with pleasantries.

"We need to talk, privately." Liz tells him.

"Of course. My office." McCoy says and the three lawyers head inside the office, "Now, what happened?" McCoy asks once the door is closed and the three of them are inside McCoy's office.

"Alex Cabot was beaten and raped in her apartment." Liz explains, "Last we heard she was still in surgery. Sargent Benson, ADA Barba and John Munch are at the hospital with Alex's sixteen month old daughter who witnessed the entire attack."

"Who did this?" McCoy asks after a few seconds after getting over his shock.

"Felix Torres." Casey answers, "Alex was dating him but she ran from Philadelphia, with Barba's help, eighteen months ago because he was abusive." She explains, "The SVU squad are at his last known address with an arrest warrant."

"And you're sure that it's him?" McCoy asks, wanting to make sure.

"Alex had a hidden security camera in the apartment. The entire attack was caught on tape." Casey explains.

"Show me." McCoy requests and Liz walks over to the computer where she inserts the thumb drive, "Have you seen this yet?" McCoy asks.

"No." Both Liz and Casey say as the three of them crowed around the computer screen. Once they can all see the screen McCoy presses play and they all watch the attack in horror.

Even though Fin and the others explained the attack to her and she passed on what they told her to Liz Casey is still completely horrified by the attack and so are Liz and McCoy.

"What do we know about the attacker?" McCoy asks, a few minutes after the video stops.

"Felix Torres. Private military contractor with friends in high places. On that thumb drive Barba has a whole file on everything he's done to Alex." Liz explains.

"What is the story with Barba and Alex?" Casey asks, not being able to help her curiosity, "I know they know each other, but how?" She ask as she has known for years that they are friends but she doesn't know how they became friends.

"They went to college and Law School together, have been close friends ever since." Liz explains, going with the simple explanation.

"Which means he can't be anywhere near this case." McCoy says, as he knew that Barba and Alex were friends, but he wasn't aware just how close they are.

"He won't be." Liz says, being sure that until he knows that Alex is okay Barba won't leave her.

"Good. You said that the detectives are executing a search warrant?"

"Yes."

"Then while they are doing that we are going to go through all the evidence and work out just what we can charge this guy with." McCoy says, knowing that he will find a way to change him with everything he can.

"Then we're going to need coffee." Casey says, "I'll go get some." She says before leaving.

"Jack?" Liz asks about a minute later when he hasn't looked away from the computer screen.

"I was going to start to try and contact Alex next week." McCoy reveals.

"Why?"

"In a couple of months there'll be a job vacancy, and she's the only person that I want to take it." McCoy reveals, looking pained about what happened to Alex as even though he isn't as close to Alex as Liz he does consider her to be a friend and he has the upmost professional respect for her, due in part to everything she has sacrificed for the job.

* * *

"She's too still." Olivia mutters about half an hour after she sat down next to Alex.

"Liv?" Barba asks, having heard what she said.

"She's too still." Olivia requests, "Alex is never still when she sleeps." Olivia says, knowing that because she has watched Alex sleep quite a few times, "She moves, she tosses and turns. She's never still. It's not right." Olivia says before getting up and leaving, needing some air.

As Barba watches Olivia go he goes to get up to follow her.

"Give her some time." Lucia tells her son.

"Mami?"

"Give her some time." Lucia repeats.

* * *

After about ten minutes Barba does leave Alex's room to go find Olivia. He doesn't have to search long before he finds her sitting in the waiting area.

"She used to talk in her sleep to." Barba says as he sits down next to Olivia.

"What?" Olivia asks, looking at him in confusion.

"Lexie used to talk in her sleep; and it wasn't quiet, she was loud. Like her courtroom voice loud." Barba explains, as even when Alex was asleep in a different bedroom with her door closed he could still hear her talking when they lived together.

"I didn't know that." Olivia says, wondering how she could have never known that after all the nights that she and Alex spent together.

"I'm not surprised. In Law School Lexie did a sleep study and she stopped talking in her sleep regularly, though her insomnia got worse." Barba explains, "There was a month in Law School where she would recite the constitution in her sleep, I could hear her from my room, it got annoying pretty quickly." Barba explains and despite herself Olivia finds herself smiling, "When Lexie is stressed she still talks in her sleep on occasion." Barba reveals, "And in the last fifteen years when I've heard her she's always mentioned your name in her sleep at least once." Barba says and Olivia isn't sure how to feel about that, "Lexie loves you Liv, I'm sure she always will." Barba says, as it is the one thing he can think to say that might help Olivia, though he isn't sure as he knows nothing could help him right now, "And that's one of the biggest reasons why I think she didn't call. She didn't want to hurt you by having you watch her be a victim." Barba says, and Olivia knows that he is probably right about that, "and I know for sure that that's why she didn't talk to you when she arrived back from WITSEC."

"How do you know?" Olivia asks before she can stop herself as for the last three years, even though she has wanted to, she hasn't asked Barba why Alex didn't call when she got back as she was afraid of the answer.

"Because I was there." Barba says, as the Marshals wouldn't let Alex return home without bringing one person from her old life to her to help ease the transition and she chose him, "When Lexie got back she wasn't herself, it's why she got engaged to someone she wouldn't have looked twice at before the shooting." Barba says as he knew that Robert wasn't right for Alex and even though she didn't want to see it she knew that too, "In three years Lexie had six different identities."

"That many?" Olivia asks surprised as Alex didn't talk about her time in witness protection so Olivia doesn't know a lot about what Alex went through.

"Yeah. She had about two identities a year and with every single one she said goodbye to another part of herself, she had to it was the only way she could get through it." Barba admits, "When Lexie got back, she was lost; and wasn't even sure who she was or whether she could be herself again." Barba admits, remembering how useless he felt back then as he saw how much Alex was struggling and there was nothing he could do to help "And she did call you once."

"No, she didn't." Olivia says as she would have remembered that.

"She did. I arrived back at the apartment, about a week after she came home, to find Lexie staring at the phone and a bottle of scotch. She would stare for a while then do a shot, then stare. Eventually she did pick up the phone and call you; your number was out of service." He explains.

"That must have been when I was undercover with the feds." Olivia says as that would make sense considering the timeline.

"That's what she discovered." Barba says, "I don't know all her reasons why she didn't call this time, or why she wouldn't let me, just most of them, but I do know without a doubt that at least part of it was because she didn't want to hurt you."

"I know." Olivia says, though it doesn't make it any easier or make it hurt any less, and honestly she would have preferred it if Alex had called, even if it hurt, "She's still too still."

"Yeah, she is." Barba confirms as even though he knows that Alex is never still when sleeping, so it is wrong that she is so still lying in that bed.

* * *

After spending some time trying to find ways to find Torres Liz, McCoy and Casey relocated to the Precinct where they were joined by Carisi, Rollins and Amaro. Together the three lawyers and three officers have been doing what they can to try and find Torres.

"Fin, how's Alex?" Rollins asks when, half an hour after they got to the precinct, Fin and Munch walk in.

"She's out of surgery." Fin says.

"And?" Liz asks, being worried about what Fin and Munch are going to say.

"Broken ribs, broken nose, and broken wrist. Cuts and brises, some of which required stiches. Internal bleeding that required a partial splenectomy and a brain haemorrhage." Munch explains.

"What are the doctors saying about her chances?" McCoy asks, forcing himself to do so.

"Alex is in ICU. She's in a critical but stable condition." Fin explains, "The doctor thinks that because of how quickly they were able to get to her that the she'll have no brain damage, but they won't know until Alex wakes up which they think will be within seventy two hours." He explains and even though it is clear that everyone is worried, it is also clear that they are relieved too.

"And Alex's daughter, is she okay?" Amaro asks.

"The doctor gave her a clean bill of health." Munch says, "She's confused about her Mom, but Barba and his mother are doing what they can to help."

"At least she won't remember this." Carisi says, wanting to look on the bright side.

"Just because she won't remember doesn't mean that it won't affect her." Liz points out, "We all know that."

"Huang's on his way, maybe, with Barba's permission, he can talk to Ella." Fin suggests, realising that Liz is right.

"That can't hurt." Rollins says approvingly.

"Have either of you called Cragen?" Casey asks Fin and Munch.

"Captain Cragen is retired." McCoy says.

"So" Casey says, "Alex is like a daughter to him." Casey says, knowing that for a fact as it was one of the reasons why she had an inferiority complex for months after she started working for SVU, "He would want to, and deserves to, hear it from us rather than the news or anyone else." Casey says as no matter how hard they try to make sure that it's not news about Alex's attack will reach the media eventually.

"I'll make the call." Munch says before heading to Olivia's office, as he does they all hear Fin's cell phone ring.

"It's the contractor Torres works for." Fin asks as he sees the caller Id, "Tutuola." He answers then pauses, "I can be there in twenty minutes. Thank you, goodbye." Fin says before hanging up, "That was the head of the private military contractor that Torres works for. He said that he is more than happy to talk to us about Torres tell us everything he knows." Fin says, it being clear that he is surprised by that.

"That's…." Amaro starts to say.

"Unprecedented." McCoy finishes, and everyone else has to agree as because of the friends they know Torres has everyone was expecting that they would get no answers about Torres, they were expecting to be stonewalled. "Casey go with him to interview the person." McCoy instructs.

"Yes Sir." Casey says and she and Fin leave.

* * *

After spending about ten minutes out in the waiting room Olivia and Barba returned to Alex's hospital room where they sat down in silence. Ever since they got back about half an hour earlier the only sounds has been Ella playing with the crayons and paper that one of the nurses gave her, and the sounds of the equipment that is monitoring Alex.

As he watches his best friend Barba once more finds himself drifting back down memory lane.

 _Six weeks earlier (April 8_ _th_ _2014)_

 _After he left work Barba took the long way, having only stopped to get dinner, to Alex's apartment. Arriving at the door Barba unlocks the four different locks with different keys and let himself in, having been less than happy about the news that he had to break to Alex._

" _Lexie?" Barba calls as he entered, having closed and locked the door behind him, while he loosened his tie._

" _I'll be right out." Alex called as Barba took the food over to the table._

 _For the next few minutes Barba unpacked the food he brought for dinner while he waited for Alex to come out, which she did after a few minutes holding Ella._

" _Tío." Ella said happily when she sees him._

" _Hey, Pequeña." Barba said with a smile._

" _How's Liv? How's Noah?" Alex asked as soon as she saw Barba, it was clear that she was worried as Barba had been keeping her informed about everything that has been going on since she returned to the city, something which she was thankful for._

" _I talked to Liv before I left the office; Noah's better. He should be home soon." Barba explained, "And Liv will be okay when he is."_

" _Good, that's good." Alex said, being glad about that, "And the verdict?"_

" _Only guilty on the second degree charge." Barba explained, having looked disappointed._

" _Nice job. Anti-vaxxer cases are hard to prosecute so you can't take it too hard." Alex said as she went and grabbed plates, still holding Ella as she did._

" _You would know." Barba said, "And thanks." Barba said before he stopped what he was doing so that he could talk to Alex, "Lexie, there's something I need to tell you."_

 _Having Recognized Barba's tone Alex paused mid grab before she slowly lowered the plates down and put them on the counter._

" _Okay."_

" _I saw Torres." Barba revealed, having walked over to Alex before he spoke as he can never be sure how she will react to that._

" _Where?" Alex asked, fear in her voice._

" _A few blocks away." Barba said, "I don't know if he followed me again, or if he was just in the neighbourhood…"_

" _Or whether he found me." Alex said._

" _He might have." Barba confirmed._

" _Guess it's time to move again." Alex said as she looked around, "I was just starting to get used to this place." She admitted._

" _You don't have to do this, Lexie." Barba told her._

" _You know I do, Rafi." Alex said, "It's the only way to be safe."_

" _It's not the only way." Barba said, having done so for the hundredth time, "You can go to the police Lexie, and you can report it. You can't keep living like this."_

" _What choice do I have?" Alex asked, "I said no, Rafi. I ran away, I told him to stop, and he hates that, he's never heard that." Alex said, having not realised at the time how unstable Torres is, it was only in the last few months that it became clear to her and she had realised how lucky she was to have left when she did, "The only thing he can be charged with in this jurisdiction is the stalking and harassment, maybe threatening…."_

" _And then you can file charges in Philadelphia. We have the evidence, he can go away, Lexie."_

" _For how long?" Alex asked, "He won't get remand, not on this. On our best day neither of us could get that so what chance does an ADA with little SVU experience have?" Alex asked and Barba had to admit that she had a point._

" _None." Barba admitted, "But Lexie if you report we can get an order of Protection…."_

" _Which will tell him exactly where I am, that's what he's waiting for." Alex said, knowing that, "He knows that with his connections, and because he is charming and charismatic, he could beat any charges, probably even stop anything from going to trial." Alex admitted, "And the only thing that reporting will do is him finding out exactly where I am and thanks to his training he could get past any protection detail, it wouldn't even slow him down. We charge and I'll be dead within a day, and who knows what will happen to, Ella." Alex said having done so as she that's something she had become sure of in the previous few months._

" _Lex….." Barba started to say._

" _You know I'm right, Rafi." Alex told Barba, "You've seen, you know, how obsessed he is with me, with hurting me, and as much as I hate it he's Ella's biological father; even if he's not on her birth certificate. He has rights that he could fight for; and I can't let that happen." Alex said as because Torres's name isn't on the birth certificate and because he hasn't filed anything with the court she isn't breaking any law by constantly moving and keeping Ella away, but she also wouldn't put it past Torres to play that card if he gets the chance._

" _Lexie you know that thanks to Langan's advice and help I have more legal rights to Ella than him right now, and if something happens to you I promise that I will look after Ella. I will fight for her, do everything in my power to protect her, I promise you that." Barba said, having completely meant his words, "You can't keep living like this, Lexie, because you're not really living. You're moving every few weeks, barley leaving home, talking and seeing no one but Mami and Me unless you have to, you're barley sleeping and you're terrified all the time." Barba said, taking having taken another step towards Alex having been sure that what he did wasn't threatening but supportive, "You can't keep doing this, Lexie. It's not fair to you, or Ella. You stood up to Torres by leaving, you need to do it again and tell SVU what he did, what he's doing. It's the only way to truly live again." Barba told his best friend. As much as he wanted to tell Olivia he knew that he couldn't, that it had to be Alex because otherwise he would be putting her in danger and likely forcing her into running again and he wouldn't do that._

" _I don't know what else to do and I can't tell Olivia everything that has happened, not when I know what it will do to her." Alex said, having gotten upset, "Moving, and hiding, and staying away from people is the only way I know to stay alive." Alex said, as that was something that her time in WITSEC taught her, "We won't win this one, Rafi, he will and he will kill me, in the most painful way possible, if he gets the chance." Alex said it having been clear that she is terrified, "I've got to move again, Rafi, I have to."_

" _I know." Rafael as he didn't think he had much of a chance of convincing Alex but he still had to try, "I'll get the bags." He said as Alex kept bags of important things, full of things that Alex won't leave behind, in case she ever had to leave in a hurry, packed._

" _Thank you."_

" _You don't have to thank me." Barba said before giving Alex a hug, which she tensed at, before relaxing. As he hugged his best friend Barba was already working on what his argument would be the next time he and Alex talked about going to the police._

"She knew." Barba mutters to himself.

"What?" Olivia asks, having heard him.

"Nothing." Barba responds quickly, and before Olivia can ask anymore her phone rings.

"Benson." Olivia answers, "Yes, Sir. Yes, I know, Sir. No Sir. I am sir. But….Yes sir. I understand. Goodbye sir." Olivia says before hanging up.

"Problem?" Barba asks once Olivia hangs up.

"That was Dodds. I've been ordered to the precinct." Olivia explains, looking far from happy, "I'll have my cell, call if anything changes." Olivia requests.

"I will." Barba promises, "As long as you do the same."

"I will." Olivia says, "The protective detail is right outside, they won't leave and I'll be back as soon as I can." Olivia says, planning on going to see Noah and picking up a few things for Barba and Ella on her way back, "Bye Bye Ella." Olivia says as she stands up.

"Bye." Ella responds looking up from what she is doing.

"Mrs Barba."

"Lucia, please."

"Lucia." Olivia says as she walks over to Alex. Once she is standing right next to Alex she bends down and she places a gentle kiss on Alex's forehead. "I'll be right back." Olivia says before leaving, knowing that she would much rather stay with Alex than go and face the brass.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

Ever since Olivia left Barba, Ella and Lucia have been sitting in silence. Both Barba and Lucia looking between Alex and Ella. Barba has been watching Alex for a while, obsessively making sure that her chest rises and falls, when he feels a tug on his leg and he looks down to see Ella tugging on his pants. When he looks at her Ella holds up her arms like she wants to be picked up so Barba does just that.

"What's wrong, Pequeña?" Barba asks before he can stop himself, being able to tell that Ella is upset and he can guess why.

"Mommy." Ella says looking up at her uncle with wide eyes, "Want." She says.

"I know you do." Barba says, not sure what else to say as he knows that there is nothing that he can say to help Ella, "But Mommy is hurt right now." Barba says.

"Mommy." Ella repeats, more force to her voice than before.

"I know." Barba says giving Ella a hug, "I want her too." Barba says and as he hugs the toddler, wishing that there was something he could do to help Barba finds himself once more drifting down memory lane.

 _December 20_ _th_ _1990_

 _It was almost time for Christmas break and because they both had one more exam Alex and Barba decided to study together. Because most of the school had already finished there wasn't many places that they could study quietly and so they decided to study in Barba's dorm room as his roommates had already left._

" _Are you looking forward to going home for Christmas?" Barba asked, having felt the need to do something about the silence that had been going on for a while._

" _I'm not going home." Alex said, without looking up from what she was reading._

" _You're not?" Barba asked surprised, "Why not?"_

" _My parents are in Europe so my choices are here alone or home alone, I figured I would save myself the horror of holiday traffic." Alex explained, sounding like it's not that big of a deal._

" _Why don't you join your parents in Europe?" Barba asked curious._

" _Because I didn't get that invitation." Alex said with a shrug, which caused Barba to frown "It won't be so bad, Christmas on campus is bound to be interesting."_

" _You can't spend Christmas alone." Barba said, not being able to picture it as even though his family had its issues Christmas is the one good day a year they had._

" _It's not the first time." Alex said, finally looking up, "it's okay, Rafi, I don't mind." She told him, having not wanted him to feel bad for her._

" _No, it's not." Barba said, "How about you come back to The City with me and spend Christmas with my family." Barba offered the words out of his mouth before he could stop them but once they are out he knows that he didn't regret them one bit._

" _Are you sure?" Alex asked shocked._

" _Yeah. My Mami and Abuelita always make way too much of the most amazing food you've ever tasted and my father is less like my father around Christmas, it will be great." Barba explained, knowing that Alex will know what he meant as since thanksgiving they had talked about his family._

" _Wont you're family mind? It's pretty late notice, it's only a few days to Christmas after all." Alex said, having been very tempted by the offer but she didn't want to impose._

" _Are you kidding? If my mother knew that I knew you were spending Christmas alone and I didn't invite you she would kill me." Barba said, in complete seriousness, "It will be great Lexie, promise."_

" _Okay."_

" _Great. Does leaving about lunchtime on Saturday work for you?" Barba asked._

" _Yep." Alex said with a nod._

" _Good." Barba said and they both got back to their work, Alex having felt like Christmas could be good for the first time in a while._

 _January 2000_

 _Even though it was winter in New York Barba barley felt the cold as he sat, for over ten minutes, on the roof of the building where he grew up in._

" _I didn't notice you sneak out." The voice of Alex Cabot said as she sat down next to him almost fifteen minutes after Barba first sat down._

" _You were helping Abuelita, and I needed to get out of there." Barba admitted._

" _I don't blame you for that." Alex commented, "Do you want to talk?" Alex asked, having made it clear that it was his choice._

" _Yes, no, I don't know." Barba admits then sighs, "There's been so many times that I wanted him gone. So many times that I wished it." Barba admitted, having only done so because it was Alex sitting next to him, "How horrible is that?"_

" _It's not horrible, not after everything he's done." Alex told Barba, "You didn't kill him Rafi, he drunk and he drove, he killed himself. It's not your fault."_

" _I know that." Barba admitted, "But that doesn't change the fact that I thought about it." Barba admitted as tears came to his eyes._

" _Oh, Rafi." Alex said as she reached over and grabbed his hand, "Thoughts are different than actions and you have no reason to feel guilty for your thoughts, not when you had no intention of ever acting on them."_

" _Don't I?" Barba asked, "He's gone and I a part of me feels relived. How horrible is that?" Barba asked, "I'm just like him."_

" _It's not; not after everything he's done and you're nothing like him." Alex said, "You're a good person, Rafi, you didn't do anything to your old man, even though you would be justified in doing so, because it would hurt Mami that proves just how much of a better person you are."_

" _I guess." Barba said, though it was clear that he still felt guilty and that there was nothing Alex could have said to help that, "He wasn't always bad, I'll miss that." Barba admitted, as he attempted to try and not cry._

" _That's okay, Rafi." Alex said as she laid her head on his shoulder in an attempt to be comforting, "It's normal to grieve even with everything he's done, he was your Dad after all." Alex said, "Let it out, it's okay. I'm right here, I'll always be here for you." Alex said as she noticed how hard Barba was trying not to fall apart._

"Tío Rafi." A voice says breaking Barba out of his trip down memory lane.

"Yes, Pequeña?" Barba asks looking down at the toddler who is still sitting in his lap.

"Sad?" Ella asks and it is in that moment that Barba feels the silent tear that has been rolling down his face.

"No, Pequeña, I'm not sad." Barba said, not really telling the truth.

"Yes." Ella says clearly not believing, "Mommy? Sad, Mommy?" Ella asks.

"Yeah, I'm sad about your Mommy." Barba admits, wondering how a sixteen month old has managed to get the truth out of him without even trying.

"No." Ella says before giving Barba a hug, snuggling into his side.

"Okay, I won't be sad." Barba said, seeing that his mother has a found but sad smile on her face out of the corner of his eye, as he looks between Ella, who in a few seconds has fallen asleep snuggled into his side, and Alex. As he looks between them Barba feels the overwhelming guilt about the fact that he didn't help Alex but at the same time he remembers the promises he made and without a doubt Barba knows that he will look after Ella, he will be there for her until Alex is able to, no matter what.

* * *

Half an hour after Olivia left the hospital she arrives at the precinct. As she walks into the squad room she finds Dodds, McCoy, Liz, Munch, Rollins, Amaro and Carisi waiting.

"Sargent Benson, nice of you to join us." Dodds says when he sees Olivia.

"I was at the hospital with the victim." Olivia says, having forced herself to say the word victim in regards to Alex.

"I thought Ms Cabot was still unconscious and will be so for at least a day." Dodds says.

"She is." Olivia confirms.

"They why did you feel that it was more important to be at the hospital with a person who can't give you any information on this case rather than here working it?" Dodds asks, it being clear that he doesn't approve of her choice.

"Because it was where I felt I should be." Olivia says, "And I'm not working this case, not directly."

"Really Sargent Benson? You're not working a case like this, why?" Dodds asks.

"Because due to my history with the victim it would be inappropriate if I worked this case." Olivia explains, purposely being vague.

"That's not good enough." Dodds says, "A former New York City ADA has been attacked, this is not the kind of case you sit out on, unless you have very good reasons and I want to hear them." Dodds says, there being no room for argument in his voice, but honestly Olivia isn't sure what to say. She isn't sure if she an even tell the truth.

"William." Liz says before Olivia has a chance which causes the Deputy Chef to turn and look at her, "I am very well aware of Sargent Benson's reasons for not working this case and I am in complete agreement that it is for the best." Liz says as after Olivia and Alex got together they told her and Cragen and they made sure it didn't affect the job or compromise any case. In fact Olivia and Alex were on unofficial probation for a year after they got together so that they could be sure that the job wasn't affected.

"Really?" Dodds ask.

"Really." Liz confirms, "Trust me on this."

"Okay." Dodds says, clearly curious about what is going on, "I want you to keep working, even if not directly, on this." Dodds says.

"I will." Olivia confirms, "Have we got any leads on this guy?" she asks, wanting to have some news to bring back to Barba, Lucia and Ella.

"Nope, it's like he's a ghost." Rollins says, "We've looked at Barba's file but we don't even know where to start to try and find this guy."

"Maybe I can help with that." A voice says and everyone turns to see George Huang.

"George." Olivia says, happy to see him, as she walks over, "You got here quick." She comments as George gives her a hug.

"Hey, Liv. I was in DC I got on the first flight I could." George explains, as he returns the hug, "How's Alex?"

"Not great." Olivia admits, "She has a broken ribs, wrist, and nose. Cuts, bruises, internal bleeding and she had a small bleed in the brain." She explains.

"What are the doctors saying?" George asks, it being clear that he is worried which doesn't surprise Olivia as he and Alex have always been close.

"They think that because they got to the brain injury quickly that she'll make a full recovery. She's still unconscious and Barba, his mother, and Alex's daughter are with her." Olivia explains, knowing that she doesn't have to explain Barba and Alex's history to George as he, like her and Cragen, knew about their connection for years.

"How is Alex's daughter?" George asks, having been shocked when Fin told him that Alex has a daughter.

"I think she is okay, but I don't know for sure, she saw the whole thing." Olivia explains.

"That's concerning." George says, being concerned about what kind of affect seeing something like that could have on Ella.

"Yeah." Olivia confirms.

After giving Olivia a supportive look and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder as he walks past George walks over to the others.

"George meet Carisi. Carisi meet Dr George Huang." Olivia introduces from where she is standing.

"Nice too meet you." George says, "What do we know about this Torres?" he asks Rollins and Amaro.

"He's a private military contractor who has a lot of friends. Fin and Casey are gone to talk to his boss." Rollins explains.

"From the information Barba gave us we know that he and Cabot started a relationship around five months after she left New York. He grew more controlling and obsessive with more time that passed which lead to Alex not returning phone calls and becoming more isolated from people." Amaro explains.

"That's why we stopped talking." Olivia says, not being able to help her guilt, seeing the look Munch gives her a supportive look.

"Over time he started to become abusive towards Alex in many different forms. This lead to violence when he and Alex moved in together after she found out she was pregnant." Rollins explains, exchanging a look with Amaro as she isn't sure if she should say the next part.

"Amanda, what is it?" Olivia asks, having noticed the look.

"Alex suspected, but she never found out for sure, that Torres messed with her birth control which lead to her getting pregnant." Amaro explains.

"Are you sure?" Olivia forces herself to say, trying to keep the pain out of her voice.

"We don't know whether he did or not but we know Alex thought that." Munch explains, "It seems like Barba didn't force Alex to tell her everything that happened in one go but he did record whenever she told him something, exactly what she told him, and when she said it."

"Of course he did." Olivia explains, not surprised as collecting evidence, even if he couldn't go to the police, is a very Barba thing to do.

"After Alex left Torres became obsessed with finding Alex. From the threats he's made and what he's done we know that Alex standing up to him, walking away, was the worst thing she could have done and he wants to make her hurt because of that." Carisi explains.

"He achieved that." Olivia mutters.

"He might not be done." Rollins says, "It also seems like he wants Alex to hurt, to live in fear, to be under his control again." Rollins says "And he also may want her dead."

"Wouldn't he have just killed her today if he wanted that?" Carisi asks.

"He came pretty close." Olivia says angrily.

"What do you think, Doc?" Dobbs asks.

"I'm not sure yet." George says, "Fin said there is a video of the attack." He says looking at the detectives who nod, "Show me." He says as he mentally prepares himself for what he is going to see.

"Liv, maybe you should…." Munch starts to say.

"Don't start." Olivia responds.

"Liv…" Munch attempts to say once more.

"I need to see it." Olivia says, there being no room for objection in her voice, "I need to know what he did and I can't see this video for the first time in court." Olivia says as she is sure that she wouldn't handle it if that was the case, "Play it."

Reluctantly Rollins presses play on the video and as she does the people who have seen it look away leaving Dodds, George and Olivia seeing it for the first time. Even though she knows Alex's injures, and has seen the aftermath it is still shocking and horrifying for Olivia to see the attack.

"Ally." Olivia says horrified as she watches, as tears come to her eyes as she hates that the person that she once, and honestly still does to a degree, sees as the love of her life went through that.

"That's interesting." George comments.

"How can you find any of that interesting?" Olivia asks, the pain and horror that she is feeling being all too clear in her voice.

"I find his actions interesting, they say a lot about who he is" George clarifies, "He hurt Alex, but in ways that would case her pain, not long term injuries. The pushing her against the table was clearly an accident, he wanted her to suffer more. I think he was going to move her before Barba arrived, so that he could hurt he more, cause her more pain." He explains, "The most interesting thing is what he did to Alex's daughter."

"Ella. He didn't touch her." Olivia says.

"That's what's interesting." George says, turning to look at Olivia, "He was prepared to and wouldn't feel any guilt if he did hurt Ella, but as soon as Alex was unconscious he stopped even attempting to."

"He wanted Alex to suffer." Rollins realises, "He would hurt Ella as a way to hurt Alex."

"Yes and he wouldn't be bothered by his actions. The person he wants to hurt is Alex and he will use whatever means he can to do so, and that includes hurting and possibility even killing, Ella." George says.

"I'll increase the security detail at the hospital." Olivia says, as making sure that Ella is safe is the least she could do for Alex.

"That may not stop him." George says, "He's obsessed with Alex, he has tunnel vision when it comes to her and he won't stop until he has made her suffer." He admits, though he suspects that Torres may wait until Alex has started to heal before he does something as there would be no satisfaction in hurting someone who was already hurt in the way Alex is.

"All this because a woman left him." Carisi says.

"It's not just that. There's something else motivating him as well, I'm just not sure what." George admits, as from Torres's actions he can tell that at least part of the reason why Torres is so obsessed with making Alex hurt is because she left him, but it doesn't fit his complete pathology, there is another reason dictating his actions.

"Do you have any ideas?" McCoy asks.

"We've got a big problem." Fin says as he and Casey walk back into the squad room.

"I think we're about to find out." Liz says, "What did you find out?" she asks Fin and Casey.

"Alex and Barba were right about Torres having a lot of friends, but not just the kind of friends they were thinking." Fin says.

"What do you mean?" Munch asks.

"Torres was fired eight months ago, despite objections from military members and some federal agents, because he constantly missed work." Casey explains, "It is policy of the company to confiscate computers and other electronic devices of all terminated employees. Every single device taken is inspected and a tech expert inspects it thoroughly, finding everything that was ever done on the device even if deleted with top of the line software, something which the employees weren't aware of." She informs the others.

"They've been letting a lot of people go so there was a backlog, they just got to Torres's stuff a few days ago" Finn explains.

"What did they find?" Olivia asks.

"A lot of stuff on Alex. He is clearly obsessed and took a lot of drastic steps to find her." Casey explains, and from what she and Fin learnt she suspects that it wasn't just chance that Torres and Alex met in the first place, though she'll wait until she and Fin say what else they learnt before she voices that theory.

"How has she managed to stay hidden for eighteen months?" Amaro asks, being shocked that Alex wasn't found before now.

"Money." Munch says simply, "Alex's family is rich, and money opens doors. Plus her time in WITSEC taught Alex how to hide, she knows what to do to stay off the grid. Add those two things together and stying hidden is easy." Munch says.

"He still found her." Olivia says sadly.

"That's because he had a lot of motivation." Fin says as he pins a picture on the board.

"I don't get it, who is this?" Carisi asks as it is a picture of two Hispanic boys, looking to be between ten and twelve, with their arms around each other.

"This is Felix Torres." Fin says pointing to one of the boys, "And this, is a young Cesar Velez." Fin says pointing to the other boy.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

After Fin's revelation the squad room is so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.

"Are you sure?" Olivia asks, being the first to break the silence.

"The company just got the conformation back. They were going to reach out to us when I called." Fin explains as the person he and Casey talked to told them that because Velez has a connection to SVU, who is connected to Alex, they felt that they should warn them, but they didn't get the chance before Fin called.

"How is this the first we're hearing of this?" Munch asks, "Why wasn't Alex ever told?"

"They grew apart. Torres legally migrated to the US a year after this photo was taken, he became a citizen. He never got in trouble, It seemed like he went straight, or at least appear to, the company has some doubts now, so Torres was never put as one of Velez's known associates they seemingly had no connection." Fin explains.

"But that wouldn't stop Torres wanting revenge for his childhood friend." Amaro comments, "Velez is the drug lord that Alex terrified against, right?" he asks, looking at Olivia as that would be his best guess.

"Right." Olivia confirms, "I've got to get back to the hospital, warn Barba." She says.

"Go. I'll contact the Feds and see what they know." Dodds says and Olivia runs out of the room.

"This changes things." George comments.

"You think?" Rollins says sarcastically, "We've got to find this guy, and we've got to find him now."

* * *

Even though she wants to get to the hospital as quick as possible Olivia also knows that she has to talk to Lucy and see Noah so she heads to her apartment.

When she arrives at her apartment Olivia finds Lucy waiting.

"Did he go down okay?" Olivia asks when she sees Lucy.

"Yes, about ten minutes ago." Lucy answers and Olivia walks straight towards Noah's room.

"Good, that's good." Olivia says as she checks on her son.

"How's your friend?" Lucy asks, having followed Olivia into Noah's bedroom.

"Not good." Olivia answers as she looks down at Noah, "She has broken bones, internal bleeding, a head injury is still unconscious and worse of all her sixteen month old daughter saw the whole attack." Olivia reveals.

"Poor girl." Lucy says as Olivia bends down and places a kiss on Noah's head, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Would you mind staying with Noah for the night?" Olivia asks, "I need to get back to the hospital." She admits as she heads towards her room.

"Of course I don't mind." Lucy says as she once more follows Olivia, "This friend, she's important to you isn't she?" Lucy asks as she can't help but be curious after how freaked Olivia was when she left.

"Very." Olivia says as she walks past her draws. The top of Olivia's draws is covered in framed pictured, so crowded that it's hard to see what each picture is unless you are looking, "This was us about thirteen years ago." Olivia says picking up a picture and handing it to Lucy. In the picture is of her and Alex siting together, Alex's back against her chest, her arms around her, both with smiles on their faces while they watched the Stabler children play at a picnic Elliot invited them to.

"You look happy." Lucy says as Olivia goes straight to her bedside table so that she can get out something Alex left before going to Philadelphia.

"We were." Olivia says, a sadness to her voice, "Alex was attacked by her ex, but there might be more going on than even she knew; so don't let anyone but me in." Olivia tells Lucy.

"I won't." Lucy says as Olivia pull out a glasses case.

"I thought you kept your glasses in your bag." Lucy comments.

"I do. These are Alex's. Hers broke in the attack and are now in evidence, but the last time she was here she left these." Olivia explains, "Could you get a bag of a few things that Noah is too big for so that I can take to the hospital with me for Ella?"

"Sure."

"Thanks." Olivia responds and Lucy heads to Noah's room.

For the next few minutes Olivia grabs some other things that she wants to take with her to the hospital before heading back to Noah's room where Lucy is just finishing putting stuff in a bag.

"I also put some games and other things that Ella might like." Lucy says when she sees Olivia as even though she doesn't know Ella she knows enough about children to be able to pick things that any sixteen month old will like.

"Thank you." Olivia says, "Love you little man." Olivia says bending down and placing another kiss on Noah's head, "I'm be back before he wakes to see him again and spend time with him" Olivia informs Lucy.

"I'll see you then. I hope your friend stays okay." Lucy says to Olivia as she hands the bag over.

"Thanks." Olivia responds before leaving.

* * *

Half an hour after she left her apartment Olivia arrives back at the hospital. After checking in with the security detail Olivia heads straight into the room where she finds Barba and Lucia sitting in the same places they were when she left and Ella asleep on Barba.

"Has anything changed?" Olivia asks as she puts the bag she has down next to the chair she was sitting on.

"No." Barba says, "The nurse just came in and said everything looks good and that they're bending the rules by letting us stay the night." Barba says being pretty sure that they only agreed because of the security detail that is outside and the fact that it was pretty obvious that he wasn't leaving.

"Good, that's good." Olivia says, "So, um, Fin found out something." Olivia says, not exactly sure how to say what Fin learnt, but figuring that the direct approach is always good.

"Okay." Barba says, from Olivia's tone he is pretty sure that he isn't going to like whatever it is that Fin found.

"The company Torres works for goes through all employees electronics when they are fired, which Torres was eight months ago. There was a back log and when they finally got to Torres stuff they found a lot of stuff on Alex, and a picture."

"A picture?" Barba asks, not seeing why Olivia seems so concerned about a picture.

"It was of a teenage Torres with his arm around another boy, Cesar Velez." Olivia reveals and as she does she hears Lucia gasp.

"Are you sure?" Barba asks, trying to keep the shock out of his voice.

"The photo's been verified, but the others are double checking." Olivia says.

"I looked into him. How didn't I find that?" Barba asks shocked, as he used connections to look into Torres's and he didn't find anything that even hinted to a connection to Velez.

"Torres immigrated and it looked like he went straight." Olivia says.

"And just happened to start to date the person who testified against his childhood friend's organization, which lead to his death, I don't believe it." Barba comments.

"Me either." Olivia admits.

"This is bad, isn't it?" Lucia says, saying what they are all thinking.

"Yeah Mami, it is." Barba confirms.

"We'll get him." Olivia says, "Dodds is reaching out to the feds, Munch, Fin, Rollins, Amaro and Carisi are doing what they can to find him. Huang is working on a profile to help with that and Liz, Casey and McCoy are figuring out everything they can to find him, plus I've increased security here. We'll get him." Olivia says.

"I hope your right." Barba comments as Olivia sits back down, "I thought this was over." Barba comments, not being able to look away from Alex.

"So did I." Olivia says and the room once more drifts into silence. As it does Barba finds himself drifting back to almost twelve years ago.

 _September 2003_

 _Even though she knew that Branch wanted to see her Alex headed to her office after leaving Cragen so that she could put her stuff away and prepare for what she was sure was going to happen. That is what she is doing when she heard a knock on her door._

" _Who is it?" Alex asked, her hand reaching toward the gun that Cragen gave her._

" _Just me." Barba's voice responds._

" _Come in." Alex responds and Barba walked in._

" _Are you okay?" Barba asked the concern all too clear in his voice._

" _You already heard what happened?" Alex asked, having been more surprised than she should have been about that._

" _Of course. Word about something like this travels fast, so are you?" Barba asked, clearly looking at Alex for any signs of wounds, as he was still at his office when word reached him about what had happened and as soon as it did he was on his way to Manhattan._

" _I'm okay, or as okay as I can be." Alex said, "Are you here to talk me out of this too?"_

" _No, I know how important this is, know that there is no point in trying to." Barba admitted as he walked over, "I'm just going to ask you to be careful, I couldn't handle losing you, Lexie." He said as he sat down on the desk._

" _You won't." Alex said, even though she couldn't make that promise, "I need to do this Rafi, people like Zapata and Velez can't keep being above the law."_

" _I know, I agree. But they don't." Barba told her, "and they won't let this go."_

" _Neither will I." Alex said, "I can't."_

" _You might not have a choice, Lexie." Barba told her as whether it is her bosses or Velez he knew that neither were going to let her continue to peruse._

" _I figured that, but I will try if I can, I'm actually late for a meeting with Branch." Alex admitted._

" _Do you want me to wait around?"_

" _Nah, it's okay." Alex said, "I see you later."_

" _See you later." Barb said as he stands up, "Te quiero, Lexie." Barba said as he pulled her into a hug._

" _Love you too, Rafi." Alex responded and once the two of them broke apart they went in their different directions._

It wasn't even a week after that that Barba woke to Olivia knocking on his door to tell him that Alex had been shot, had been killed. He will never forget the moment Olivia told him that his best friend was gone and it is something that Barba never wants to hear again and he never wants to feel how he felt then again, and so as he looks at his best friend in the hospital bed Barba won't look away due to the fear that if he does she'll be gone.

* * *

Hours after Olivia told Barba about Torres's connection to Velez the two of them are the only conscious people in Alex's room as Ella is fast asleep in a portable crib, which is right next to Barba, that one of the nurses brought, and Barba managed, with great difficulty, to convince his mother to go home, with an officer who will sit outside her apartment and watch for signs of trouble.

When the door to Alex room opens at about six am both Olivia and Barba tense, and Olivia pulls her gun, because they have both had enough time to memorise the nurses and doctors schedules so they know that whoever it is isn't either of those groups of people.

"It's just me." Fin says as he walks in holding two coffee's, which causes Olivia to lower her gun, "Here." Fin says handing the coffee's over, "How's she doing?" Fin asks as he looks at Alex, seeing the extent of her injuries in person for the first time, and doing his best not to react to them.

"The same." Olivia says, as she and Barba take the coffee's, "The doctors think that by nine they should be able to take the breathing tube out."

"That's good." Fin comments, being relieved about that.

"How's things going at the precinct? Have you got anything new?" Barba asks.

"We're working on it." Fin says, "I talked to Agent Hammon, who is now retired, and he assured me that Torres's name never came up back then, but he looked into a couple of things and told me that at least one of the federal agents who defended Torres are being very covertly investigated." Finn explains.

"Saw that coming." Barba comments as he drinks the coffee.

"Yeah." Olivia says in agreement, "Have you gotten any leads on him?"

"Not yet." Fin says, "We've looked into all the addresses you gave us about where Alex has lived in the past eighteen months and he's not at any of them, nor anywhere else he has a connection to." Fin explains, "Huang is working on the profile to help track him. Dobbs is coordinating with the feds, McCoy Donnelly and Casey are trying to figure out everything that he can be charged with and the rest of us are trying to find him." Fin explains, basically telling Barba and Olivia the same things that Olivia said hours earlier.

"So basically you've got nothing." Barba comments, sounding less than happy.

"Not for lack of trying." Fin says, "He's not making it easy for us to find him."

"That doesn't surprise me either." Barba says with a sigh as even with how annoyed he is he knows that he can't blame the squad for not being able to find him.

"Have you done the triple check on the security detail?" Olivia asks as she did the first check and double checked on the people but she asked Fin to do the triple check.

"Of course." Fin responds.

"Good." Olivia says, being glad about that, "Can you stay for a while? I need to go check on Noah." Olivia asks as she doesn't want to leave Barba, Alex and Ella without someone armed, someone she trusts, in the room.

"Sure." Fin says.

"Thanks. I'll be back soon." Olivia says before getting up and leaving.

Once Olivia leave Fin walks over and sits down in the chair where Olivia was sitting.

"Have you gotten any sleep?" Fin asks a few minutes after Olivia left.

"No." Barba answers drinking the coffee quickly not even caring about how hot it is.

"We'll get this guy, Barba." Fin promises, "And we'll make him pay for what he did to Alex." Fin says and in response Barba just nods, not sure what else to say, something which doesn't happen to him often. For the next few minutes both Fin and Barba are quiet.

"Has it leaked yet?" Barba asks after a few minutes of silence.

"Late last night." Fin confirms, "It named her, and had some specifics but not every detail." Fin explains, "Along with everything they are doing McCoy and Donnelly are tracking the leak." He explains.

"Good, that's good." Barba comments, "I'm glad that Ella is too young to understand everything." Barba admits as honestly if she could understand he has no idea how he would explain it to her, he's struggling enough as it is.

"About that, I've seen the security video, I know what Ella saw." Fin informs Barba, "It might be a good idea for you to let Huang talk to her."

"When he's got time I will." Barba says as for Fin to suggest that then whatever Ella must have seen must have been bad, maybe even worse than what he is picturing.

"Good. I'll let the Doc know." Fin responds and the two of them drift back into silence.

* * *

Because she wanted to make sure that she was back at the hospital for when Alex is to get the breathing tube removed Olivia doesn't spend as much time with Noah as she would have liked though she is happy for the time she did spend with him.

When Olivia returns to Alex's hospital room at about quarter to nine, having dropped Noah off at day care on her way, she finds Fin still in the seat she was sitting in watching Ella who is playing with some toys but to her shock she doesn't see Barba.

"Where's Barba?"

"Bathroom." Fin says as he stands up, "He's really not doing too well."

"I've noticed." Olivia says, looking towards the bathroom door to make sure Barba isn't walking back in the room, "He's hating himself for not doing more and he's hurting, and he's terrified that he's going to lose his best friend."

"Damn, that's a lot." Fin says, "He agreed to let Huang to talk to Ella, maybe you should try and convince Barba to talk to him to."

"Me?"

"You're the only person who has a chance of getting him to listen." Fin says.

"I doubt that." Olivia says, "But I'll try."

"Good. I better get back." Fin says and he has walked about half way across the room when he remembers something, "Munch talked to Cragen, he actually had to convince him not to fly back."

"Really?" Olivia asks.

"Yeah, you can't be surprised buy that." Fin says, "Captains always considered Alex, like you, to be a daughter, he cares what happens." Fin says as even though they are all like kids to Cragen Olivia and Alex, along with Eliot, were the most like it.

"I know." Olivia says, "Did Munch succeed? Alex would be pissed if he came home early for her."

"That's what Munch said and he agreed as long as we keep him updated." Fin explains.

"Good, that's good." Olivia says as she walks over to Ella.

"I'll be back later to check in." Fin says before leaving.

"What you doing, Sweetie?" Olivia asks as she squats down next to Ella.

* * *

Even though he did have to go to the bathroom that wasn't the only reason why Barba left the Alex's hospital room, the other reason he left was because he needed a few minutes to try and collect himself.

As he is in the bathroom Barba splashes water on his face and as he does he find himself staring at him refection in the mirror and as he does he can't help but think about another time he did that very action, twenty years earlier.

 _March 1995_

 _It was about midday and Barba was in the bathroom that he and Alex shared in their apartment splashing water on his face in an attempt to feel better than he felt._

" _I drank how much?" Barba asked through the open door._

" _A lot." Alex said as she walked into the doorway, "I tried to stop you but you were too busy drowning your sorrows." She explained._

" _Of course I was." Barba said sarcastically, "How much damage control do I have to do?"_

" _None, you stayed in the apartment and I kept the phone in my sight at all times." Alex explained._

" _I didn't do anything that I have to apologise to you for, did I?" Barba asked, having been worried that he did something like what his father did when he drank._

" _Nah, you just ranted a lot in Spanish, cried, and ranted some more." Alex explained._

" _What did I say?" Barba asked._

" _I'm not exactly sure. You were ranting faster than I could translate and the little I could translate didn't make much sense." Alex said before she walked over to Barba, "But what I did get is that things between you and Charlie are over."_

" _Yeah, they are." Barba confirmed._

" _I'm sorry." Alex said as she placed her hand comforting over Barba's, "Do you want to talk, or slowly rant in Spanish so I can understand?" Alex asks as even though she spoke Spanish fluently she can't internally translate it as fast as Barba can speak it._

" _Not really." Barba admitted._

" _Do you want to go get greasy burgers and milkshakes that you know we shouldn't have but taste too good to care?" Alex asked._

" _I do, I really do." Barba confirms._

" _Good, then it's my treat." Alex said with a grin, "Will you be ready to go in ten?" Alex asked._

" _Yeah." Barba answered and Alex walked back over to the door, "Lexie." Barba said before she can walk out._

" _Yeah?" Alex asked turning back around._

" _Thanks."_

" _No problem, Rafi, but for what it's worth you deserve better." Alex said before walking out so that she can get changed._

"So do you Lexie, so do you." Barba mutters to himself, imagining that Alex can hear him. As he once more splashes water on his face in a vain attempt to help with the dark circles under then Barba hears a knock on the bathroom door, so he walks over and unlocks it to reveal Olivia.

"Has something happened?" Barba asks, trying not to fear the worse.

"The Doctor need to talk to you before removing the tube down Alex's throat." Olivia explains.

"Okay, right, of course." Barba said.

"Hey, it will be okay." Olivia says as she places a comforting hand on Barba's shoulder.

"You don't know that." Barba says, "Where's the doctor?" he asks before Oliva can respond.

"Outside."

"Okay, um, you're okay to watch Ella while we talk, right?" Barba asks.

"Of course I am." Olivia responds.

"Thank you." Barba said before leaving the room. Once Barba leaves Olivia walks back over to Ella and as she does she can't help but think about how it might be best for Ella to be somewhere other than the hospital room.

* * *

After leaving Alex's hospital room Barba nods at the offices who are on guard outside Alex's room before walking over to the doctor who is standing by the nurses' station.

"I was told that you needed to talk to me." Barba says to the doctor once he is close enough.

"Yes, I did." The Doctor responds, "I feel that now would be the best time to remove the tube that is down Ms Cabot's throat." The doctor informs Barba.

"So do it. What's the problem?" Barba asks.

"Because you are her next of kin I have to discuss it with you first and explain the possible side effects before getting your permission." The Doctor responds.

"Okay, what are they?" Barba asks.

"It is impossible to determine when the effect time for removing a breathing tube is, if we remove it too early then her lungs will collapse if we've waited too late then there may be a struggle for Ms Cabot to breath on her own again, we've got to remove after it has been in long enough but before it has been in too long."

"Do you think that it's that time?" Barba asked.

"I do." The Doctor confirms.

"Then get me the paperwork, I'll give the okay." Barba says and even though he knows that it's just the doctors covering for themselves the need the paperwork signed the lawyer in him won't let him sign anything without reading every word first.

* * *

A few minutes after Barba told the doctor that he would sign what he has to Barba returns to Alex's room, the doctor having told him that she would be there shortly.

"Is everything okay?" Olivia asks Barba when she sees him.

"Yeah, the doctor just needed my permission before she can remove the tube." Barba explains.

"So she's removing it?" Olivia askes as she stands up, holding Ella.

"Yeah." Barba confirms.

"That's good." Olivia says, "You know I was thinking that maybe spending all her time in a hospital room isn't really good for Ella." Olivia says. At her name the toddler looks at Olivia.

"I was thinking the same thing but I don't know where else she can go." Barba admits, "My Mami, even though she would be willing to take time off, does have work and I know that Lexie wouldn't her to miss that, she knows how important it is to her." Barba comments.

"Well I was talking to Lucy earlier and she said that when she picks up Noah this afternoon from day care she could come by and pick up Ella to, watch her for a few hours." Olivia explains.

"I'm not sure." Barba said as while he knows that Lucy is trustworthy, he doesn't know if Alex would be okay with her watching Ella, though if history is anything to go by him trusting Lucy will be good enough for Alex, and the fact that Olivia trusts her doesn't hurt.

"Just think about. Maybe get George's opinion when he comes to talk to Ella." Oliva suggests as the door opens as Alex's doctor walks in.

"I'll think about it." Barba says.

"That's all I ask." Olivia responds.

"You're welcome to stay while I remove the tube, but you might be more comfortable waiting outside." The doctor informs Barba and Olivia.

"I'm not going anywhere." Barba says.

"I'll stay." Olivia says as she moves her body permission so that Ella can't see her mother and thus can't see what is going on.

"Okay, that's your choice." The doctor says and she starts to prep what she has to to remove the tube.

For the next few minutes Barba and Olivia understand why the doctor suggests them leaving but at the same time they both know that they have no intention of leaving, even though it is a distressing thing to see.

"There, done." The doctor says once the tube is out and she has listened to Alex's chest.

"Is she okay?" Barba asks.

"She's breathing on her own and everything seems good." The Doctor informs Barba and Olivia.

"When will she wake?" Olivia asks.

"It could be any time but my best guess is that it will be about a day." The Doctor explains.

"Thank you." Barba says and the doctor nods before leaving.

"Did you hear that, Pequeña? Mommy's getting better." Barba tells the little girl who is still in Olivia's arms.

"Mommy?" Ella asks as she reaches for Barba.

"Yeah, Mommy." Barba says as he awkwardly takes Ella of Olivia, "She getting better." Barba says, looking down at Ella.

"Mommy." Ella says one more, this time happier which causes Barba to manage, even with how tired and hurt he is, a smile.

"Don't let anyone ever tell you that you don't have a softer side, Barba." Olivia tells him, liking the side of Barba that he has been showing Ella as she is finally seeing the side of Barba that Alex used to talk about.

"Don't spread it around." Barba requests.

"Like anyone would believe me if I did." Olivia says as she walks back over to her seat.

"True." Barba says as he sits back down, still holding Ella.

"Want." Ella says pointing to a book that has been left on the chair Lucia was sitting on.

"I think I can do that." Barba says reaching over and grabbing the book which he starts to read. As he does that Olivia can't believe what she is seeing as she honestly never thought she would see Rafael Barba reading to a toddler.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

A couple of hours after the tube was removed from down Alex's throat Olivia and Barba are still sitting where they were sitting only now Ella is once more playing with the toys that Lucia brought and Lucy packed for her, both Olivia and Barba looking between the toddler and Alex.

As she watches Olivia feels her phone vibrate so she pulls it out to check.

"I'll be right back." Olivia says after reading the message that has appeared on her screen.

"Bring coffee with you." Barba requests, which causes Olivia to give him a look as she stands up, "Please." He adds.

"I'll think about it." Olivia says a she exits the room.

* * *

When she exits Alex's room Olivia spots George standing over by the nurses' station so she walks over to him.

"Is something wrong? Has something else happened?" Olivia asks without even saying hello.

"No." George says, "Fin suggested that I talk to you before approaching Barba, and Alex's daughter." George explains.

"Right, of course he did." Olivia says, "Fin thinks that as well as talking to Ella that you should talk to Barba as well." She explains.

"And you disagree." George guesses.

"No. I actually think it would be a good idea." Olivia admits.

"You do." George says, surprised by that.

"Yeah, I do." Olivia says, "Barba's feeling a lot of pain and a lot of guilt, I just don't see him talking about it." She admits.

"I'll see what I can do." George responds, "How's Alex?"

"Okay…I think." Olivia says uncertainly, "The doctors removed the breathing tube earlier and she seems to be doing better."

"That's good. Removing the breathing tube is a good thing." George says.

"That's what the doctor said. It seems like now the only thing we can do is wait for Alex to wake." Olivia says.

"That's because it is." George says, "There is nothing else that can be done until Alex wakes up."

"I hate this." Olivia says sadly.

"I know." George says comforting and the two of them drift into silence.

"Let's go see Alex." Olivia says after a couple of minutes.

"Lead the way." George responds and that's just what Olivia does.

* * *

After Olivia leaves the room Barba barely notices that she is gone as he is too focused on Alex. He has always known how stubborn Alex is, how far she will go to get justice, which is why he didn't try to talk her out of continuing to pressure Zapata, but he also knew how emotionally affected Alex is by cases like that and how far she would go to get justice, just like another case a year and a half before Zapata.

 _February 22_ _nd_ _2002_

 _After being suspended by Donnelly Alex returned to her apartment and she had only managed to get changed when she heard a knock at her door so she went to answer it. When Alex opened the door she found Barba standing on the other side, clearly having come straight from his office, something which didn't surprise her as even though he had a key he, more often than not, knocked._

" _Is it true?" Barba asked as soon as he saw Alex._

" _How have you heard already?" Alex asked as she let Barba into her apartment, having closed the door behind him._

" _Lawyers talk." Barba said simply, "So is it?" He asked, "Did you lie about having a search warrant and undertake an illegal search?" he asked as the two of them walked to the kitchen, Barba having dropped his briefcase on the couch as he walked past._

" _Yeah." Alex confirmed._

" _Qué demonios, Lexie?" Barba asked, shocked, "Why would you do that?" he asked as he sat down on the kitchen counter and loosened his tie, while Alex grabbed some a bottle of scotch and started to pour two glasses._

" _Because Roy Barnett destroys lives, he destroyed Sam Cavanaugh and who knows who else; and I wasn't going to let him do that to anyone else." Alex explained as she handed a glass to Barba and sat down on the counter across from him._

" _That's noble." Barba commented as he took a drink, "Completely unethical, and reckless, but noble." Barba admitted, "How bad's the fall out?" he asked curious as he didn't hear that._

" _I think I've made a permanent enemy in Petrovsky, and a month's suspension." Alex explains._

" _That's not as bad as it could be." Barba commented._

" _No, it's not."_

" _You're still going to be out of your mind with boredom by the end of the weekend though." Barba commented, having been amused by that._

" _True." Alex admitted as she took a drink, "Think your Mami could use some help at the school?" she asks curious._

" _I think she could always use some help, and would be thrilled to have you." Barba commented._

" _I'll go see her tomorrow or Sunday then."_

" _Let me know when." Barba requested._

" _Of course."_

" _Any chance you are going to use this time off to drive up and see your mother?" Barba asked curious, though he already knew the answer._

" _And listen to her say over and over again how dad was right, no thanks." Alex commented and because he knew that it was the truth Barba couldn't help but give a snort of amusement, "Although that might be more pleasant than the conversation I have to have with Olivia." Alex admitted._

" _Olivia, why? What happened?" Barba asked._

" _She and Stabler were the ones I lied to. I told them that I had a search warrant so that they could do the search on good faith and not get in trouble." Alex explains._

" _Ah, I see." Barba said, "That's not going to be pleasant."_

" _Yeah, I don't even know where we stand." Alex admitted as she downed the rest of her drink, "Let's talk about something else. If I continue to talk about the state of my love life or what happened to Sam I'll drink this bottle all by myself." Alex commented as she pours herself another drink._

" _Then what do you want to talk about?" Barba asked._

" _How about your love life. You had a date last night, right?" Alex asked as Barba had been having problems with his partner that they were working on, and so she knew that the date the night before was a big deal as they were trying to figure things out._

" _I did." Barba confirmed, taking another drink himself._

" _And? How did it go?" Alex asked when Barba didn't say anymore._

" _I'm not sure."_

" _You're not sure?" Alex asked, having given Barba a looked which said, 'keep talking.'_

" _It started great, but then I got a call from work." Barba said, pausing to take a drink, "I don't think that went down too well."_

" _I'm sorry." Alex said, not sure what else to say._

" _It's okay, that's the price we pay for loving our jobs." Barba comments._

" _I'll drink to that." Alex commented._

" _Right now you'll drink to anything." Barba said as he jumps down from the counter, having put his glass down, "But that's enough." He said having walked over to Alex and taken the glass out of her hand, "We're going to go out to dinner, because you never have ingredients to make meals, on me, and you're going to try not to think about everything that has happened. Then tomorrow you are going to go talk to Olivia, and then call me so we can go see my mother for Saturday roast, deal?" Barba asked._

" _Deal." Alex said as she jumped down from the counter, "Thanks, Rafi."_

" _Anytime, Lexie." Barba responded._

"Barba." A voice says snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah?" He asked and Barba looks up to see Olivia and George standing together.

"Dr Huang is here to talk to Ella." Olivia explains.

"Right, I wish it was under different circumstances, but it's good to see you again, Doctor." Barba says standing up.

"It's good to see you too, Councillor." George says and the two of them shake hands.

"Has anyone found anything on Torres, about where he could be?" Barba asks George.

"No, not yet." George answers sadly.

"Great." Barba says sarcastically, "Fin said that it would be a good idea for you to talk to, Ella." Barba says, completely changing the subject.

"Considering what she saw I think it would be a good idea." George says as even though she may not be able to express it Ella is bound to have been traumatised by what she saw.

"Ella can only say a few words, granted more than others her age because Lexie, Mami and I talk to her all the time, but how are you going to talk to her?" Barba asks as from something Alex made him read a few weeks ago he knows that Ella's language development is better than it should be at her age.

"She might not be able to talk much but she can communicate." George says, "I've set up a room down the hall with things that Ella will be able to express herself with." He explains, "It could do a lot to help her."

"Okay." Barba says before walking over to Ella, "Ella, Pequeña, there is someone here to see you." Barba says as he squats down next to his niece. Hearing her Uncle Ella puts down the blocks she is playing with and looks up at him.

"Up." Ella says and Barba picks her up and walks over to George and Olivia, "Ella is this George, he's a friend of your Mommy." Barba says, causing Ella to look surprised.

"Hi Ella, I've known your Mommy a very long time, it's very nice to meet you." George says, with a smile, doing his best to help Ella feel comfortable.

"Hi." Ella says, it being clear that she is nervous as she has met a lot of new people in the last two days.

"HI. You know I would really like to talk to you, would you be okay with that?" George asks and Ella looks to Barba, it's clear that she doesn't know what to think.

"It's okay Ella, you can trust George, I promise." Barba says and Ella still looks uncertain.

"You really can, Ella." Olivia tells her.

"And you can come back to your….." George says, trailing off as he isn't sure what to refer to Barba as.

"Tío Rafi." Barba supplies.

"Tío Rafi, at any time." George finishes and Ella gives a small nod.

"Okay, do you want to walk?" Barba asks Ella who nods and so he places her back down on the ground and once Ella is standing George reaches down and Ella who hesitantly reaches up and grabs his hand.

"We won't be long." George says and he and Ella walk out of the room.

"What were you thinking about when we walked in?" Olivia asks curious as she and Barba walk back over to their respective seats.

"Something from a long time ago." Barba comments and Olivia just gives him a look, "What Lexie and I did after she was suspended for a month." He explains.

"Oh, I see." Olivia comments, "When exactly did Alex come back to New York?" Olivia asks, not being able to help her curiosity any longer.

"She called me a few days after the case with Lena Olson and Rollins's sponsor." Barba explains, "Lexie almost came to the Lewis trail." Barba says to Olivia's shock.

"Really?" Olivia asks shocked.

"Really." Barba confirms.

 _January 1_ _st_ _2014_

 _It has been well over a month since Alex returned to New York and in that time she spend a week staying at Barba's apartment before they both stayed at Alex's first new place as Alex wasn't completely okay with being alone yet and Barba's apartment was too easy to find._

" _And you're sure that you're okay with this? Because I can here for a while too." Barba asked Alex as they sat together on the couch, Alex's hands resting on her stomach, neither of them were paying much attention to what was on the TV._

" _I'm sure." Alex assured him, "I've got to stay on my own at some point and I've taken over enough of your life as it is." Alex said as she had just moved into a new place._

" _I don't mind, Lexie, really." Barba told her as he looked up from the files he was reading._

" _I know you don't, you never do." Alex says, "But I need to start to stand on my own two feet, and with the baby coming and how busy you're going to be with the trial, now's a good time."_

" _Yeah, it is." Barba confirmed, as he leant back on the couch, "Have you made up your mind about what you want to do yet?" he asked curious._

" _I'm not sure." Alex admitted, "I want to go to support Olivia, but what if he is expecting that? And I'm not sure that it would be fair to Olivia to show up, eight months pregnant, without a world; especially considering what she is going though." Alex said, "And I don't think I'm ready for Liv to know everything yet." Alex admitted._

" _Sleep on it." Barba suggested, "Make up your mind in the morning."_

" _I will." Alex responded._

"I wish she had come. It would have meant a lot." Olivia says once Barba finishes his expiation.

"She wasn't ready." Barba says, "She wanted to be, but she wasn't." he admits.

"And she is now?" Olivia asks as she can't help but worry about how Alex is going to react when she wakes.

"She's more than she was." Barba says diplomatically, "But that doesn't mean it won't be a shock and an adjustment." Barba says and the two of them drift into silence. Barba knowing without a doubt that Alex will still be terrified of Torres when she wakes, especially considering the connection he has to Velez.

* * *

About half an hour after George and Ella left Alex's room the door opens and they walk in once more.

"Why don't you go play while I talk to your Tío Rafi." George suggests to Ella, who, without a word rushes over to the toys.

"Outside?" Barba asks.

"Yeah." George responds and with one last look at Alex he gets up and heads out of the room.

* * *

"So, how's Ella? In your professional opinion." Barba asks after he and George have walked out of Alex's room.

"In my professional opinion it's a good thing she's so young." George admits.

"But?" Barba asks, being able to tell that there is more to what George is saying.

"But it's still affecting her." George says, "She is scared and doesn't exactly understand what happened, you're going to have to constantly re assure her that Alex is okay." he says, "And you shouldn't be surprised if she is more affectionate and clingy than normal."

"Olivia suggested that maybe having Ella spend some time out of the hospital, some time with Lucy and Noah, would be a good idea. What do you think?" Barba asks George, wanting his opinion.

"I think that a couple of hours away from the hospital could do Ella a lot of good." George explains, "Provided that you talk to her about what is going on first." He says.

"I will do that." Barba responds.

"You know it won't hurt you to spend some time away from the hospital." George tells Barba.

"I can't, not until Lexie is okay." Barba informs George.

"Fin and Olivia are worried about you." George informs him.

"They should be worrying about Lexie, not me." Barba says before heading back towards the Alex's room.

"That response is exactly why they are worried, and why, they have reason to be." George says in response before Barba can walk too far, "Just because you are worried about Alex doesn't mean you can't look after yourself." George says walking towards Barba.

"I'll remember that." Barba says before walking back to the room, leaving George standing in the hall with a concerned look on his face.

* * *

It has been a few hours since George came to Alex's hospital room and Barba and Olivia, with Ella who is still having her afternoon nap, are the only ones in the room.

"I need to spend tonight at home, with Noah." Olivia tells Barba, deciding to break the silence, "But I will have my cell on if anything changes."

"Okay." Barba says, "Would you mind if Ella spend the night at yours?" Barba asks, "Like Huang said it would be good for her to spend some time away." Barba says and he knows that Alex would be fine with Ella staying with Olivia, in fact she is the only person other than him or his mother that Alex would be okay with Ella staying with.

"Sure, I don't mind." Olivia says, "Have you thought about taking an hour? Getting out of this room for a while?"

"I can't. I need to be here when Lexie wakes up."

"You also need to clean up, maybe change your clothes." Olivia comments, "And get some actual rest."

"I'll rest when Lexie is awake." Barba says, there being no room for argument in his voice.

"Fine." Olivia says with a sigh, realising that there is no point in arguing with him, "I've talked to Munch. He'll stay while I'm at home." Olivia informs Barba.

"Fine with me." Barba says, being pretty sure that he wouldn't notice who else is in the room.

"And like I said, call if anything changes." Olivia requests.

"I will." Barba promises.

"Good." Olivia says and they both drift back into silence.

* * *

It has been a few hours since Olivia and Barba talked about Olivia and Ella going back to Olivia's for the night and while Barba is silently watching Alex Olivia is reading to Ella. When they hear the door open both Olivia and Barba look towards it but because Ella is on Olivia's lap she can't pull her gun.

"Mami." Barba says as his mother walks in carrying several bags.

"Rafael." Lucia says to her son, who has come over to help "I brought you some food. You need to eat something other than hospital food." She says as she puts the food on the patient table.

"Thank you, Mami."

"Abuelita." Ella says happily.

"Ella." Lucia greats with a smile, "How's Lexie?" Lucia asks her son.

"The same. The Doctors aren't sure when she'll wake." Barba admits, as he looks in the bags to see what his mother has brought, "But it should be within the next day or so." He informs his mother.

"Good, that's good." Lucia says, "Eat, all three of you." Lucia tells her son, Ella and Olivia.

"Yes, Mami."

* * *

A few hours later Lucia has left because she has work to do, though she clearly didn't want to. The main reason why she did agree to leave is because Barba promised that he would call if anything changes.

"Night shift is here." Munch says walking into the room.

"Is there anything new?" Olivia asks when she sees him.

"No." Munch answers.

"Nothing?" Barba asks.

"Nope, the guy's making it really hard for us to find him. We can't even get a hint about where he is." Munch admits.

"That's just great." Olivia says sarcastically, "I was really hoping that we would have some good news by now."

"We'll get him, we always do." Munch says.

"Yeah, I guess." Olivia mutters, "So, I'll be back first thing in the morning." Olivia tells Barba and Munch. In response to that Barba nods and walks over to where Ella is sitting and playing with blocks.

"Pequeña." Barba says as he squats down next to her, "How would you feel about going with Olivia for a while?"

"Why?" Ella asks.

"So that you can spend some time away from here, and so that you can meet Olivia's son Noah." Barba says, "You'll be making a new friend, just like you do when you go to the park." Barba says, "What do you think about that?" Barba asks and Ella just look uncertain, "You can call me at any time and come back." Barba promises.

"Okay." Ella says and she sticks up her arms for Barba to pick her up, which he does.

"You'll be on your best behaviour for Olivia, right?" Barba asks as he walks over to where Olivia is standing.

"Yes." Ella says in response.

"Good."

"Hey, Ella. How about we get going." Olivia says to the toddler, "We'll call your Tío before you go to bed." Olivia promises.

"I'll talk to you later, Te quiero, Ella." Barba tells his niece, in such a quiet tone that Olivia can barely hear, before placing a kiss on the top of her head, "Call me if she needs something, no matter the time." Barba says to Olivia.

"I will." Olivia responds as she takes Ella from Barba and picks up the bag that Lucy prepared, "Say Bye, Bye, Ella." Olivia says and Barba waves goodbye to Barba.

"I'll see you in the morning." Olivia says and she and Ella leave. Once he watches Olivia go Barba walks back over and sits back down in his seat, picking up the coffee he started to drink just before Munch arrived.

* * *

In the hours after Olivia left with Ella Munch falls asleep but Barba doesn't. Barba just continues to drink coffee like it is water and stares at Alex, watching and waiting for any sign of movement which is why he notices the second Alex's eyes start to flutter.

"Lexie." Barba says rushing over, "Lexie, can you hear me?" Barba asks reaching out and grabbing Alex's hand the one that's not in a cast, "Lexie, if you can hear me open your eyes." Barba asks as out of the corner of his eye he sees Munch sit up. "Lexie?" he asks once more and Alex's eyes flutter open, "Welcome back sleepy beauty." Barba says.

"Ella." Alex says, I being clear that it is difficult for her to do so.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

"Ella's fine." Barba assures Alex, "Get the doctor." He says, turning to face Munch.

"Ella? Where is Ella?" Alex asks, winching in pain as Munch hurries out of the room.

"With Olivia. She's safe, she wasn't hurt." Barba says, turning back to Alex, and before Alex can react to that Munch and the doctor return.

"Ms Cabot, I'm glad to see you are awake." The doctor says when she walks into the room, "Are you in any pain?" she asks.

"A little." Alex answers, clearly confused.

"Where?" The Doctor asks.

"Head, and hurts when breathing." Alex answers, finding it slightly difficult to do so.

"That's understandable, you have quite a few injuries." The doctor answers, "Before I can give you something to help with the pain I need you to answer a few questions." The doctor says, "Can you tell me where you are?"

"Hospital." Alex answers after looking around.

"And your full name and date of birth?"

"Alexandra Caroline Cabot, born July 23rd 1972." Alex answers.

"And what year is it?"

"2015"

"And the month?"

"May."

"Good, and do you know who these two men are?" The doctor asks.

"Rafael Barba and John Munch." Alex answers.

"Good, that's good." The doctor says, "Everything seems fine. I'll go get you something for the pain." The doctor says before leaving the room.

"What happened?" Alex asks Barba once the doctor leaves.

"Can you give us a minute?" Barba asks Munch as even though Alex does consider Munch to be her friend he guesses the conversation that needs to happen will be easier without him in the room.

"Sure, I'll call Liv, let her know." Munch says, understanding why Barba asked that, "I'm glad to see you Alex." He says before leaving.

"They know?' Alex asks once Munch leaves.

"Yeah." Barba confirms, "What do you remember?" Barba asks as he sits down on Alex's bed.

"Ella, I was reading to her." Alex says, "Then… the door broke open. It was him wasn't it?" Alex asks, panic in her voice, being able to see the door break opening and remembering the terror she felt.

"Yeah, it was." Barba confirms, "He broke in and attacked you, that's why you are in so much pain." Barba explains.

"Was I…" Alex starts to say, "Did he rape me?" Alex asks after taking a deep breath, not being able to explain why but knowing that he did, but also knowing that she won't believe it until Barba confirms it.

"Yeah Lexie, he did." Barba confirms, causing a look of shock and pain to appear on Alex's face, "I'm so sorry." Barba says as he reaches out and grabs her hand, an action which causes Alex to flinch and pull back, and because he felt like it would be for the best Barba doesn't acknowledge her reaction, but he also makes sure not to touch her.

"Have they got him?" Alex asks, after a couple of minutes of silence, asking a question that she already knew the answer to in hopes that she is wrong. Barba tenses at that knowing that he owes Alex the truth, but at the same time he knows how hurt she will be.

"No." Barba answers, "But they will, I promise Lexie, they will."

"Liar." Alex says in response as without even knowing everything that Barba knows about Torres she knows that he isn't going to be caught easily.

"They won't give up until they do." Barba corrects, "That I know, and so do you." Barba says and Alex manages a small nod at that.

"Ella's okay, you're sure?" Alex asks, needing to hear again that her daughter is okay.

"I'm positive." Barba assures Alex, "She saw the whole thing, but she is doing well." He says.

"I want to see her." Alex tells Barba, hating that her little girl saw something so horrific, and even though she completely trusts Barba she needs to see for herself that Ella is okay.

"Olivia will bring her when she comes back." Barba says, knowing that without having to ask about it.

"Good." Alex says looking at Barba and as she does she fully takes in his appearance, "You look like crap." She informs him.

"You're one to talk. You should really look in a mirror." Barba says in response without missing a beat.

"How long since it happened?"

"About forty one hours." Barba answers, knowing that without having to think about it.

"And you haven't left, or gotten any sleep." Alex says, knowing that without a doubt.

"I couldn't." Barba says, "I wouldn't." he adds.

"Thank you." Alex says as they both know that ever since she woke up alone in a hospital and the marshals told her that she was dead she has had a fear of being alone in hospital.

"You don't have to thank me, Lexie."

"You should get some rest though, get cleaned up." Alex tells him.

"Maybe later." Barba says and before Alex can say something in response the door opens and Munch and the doctor walk back in.

"I called Olivia and she and Ella will be here as soon as they can, but it might take a couple of hours." Munch says, "And I called the precinct and everyone is thrilled that you are awake." He tells Alex.

"Who's everyone?" Alex asks, not sure how she feels about too many people knowing the truth.

"Well Mami knows, she's been here a lot of the time." Barba explains, "I'll call her soon, she went home last night to get some rest."

"How'd you manage that?" Alex asks curious, as she is surprised that Lucia isn't still sitting in the room.

"I was convincing." Barba says with a smirk.

"Of course you were."

"The people at the precinct are Finn, Amaro, Rollins, Huang, Casey, Liz Donnelly, Jack McCoy and the new detective Carisi and Deputy Chef Dodds." Munch explains, "Oh and we talked to Cragen."

"That's a lot of people." Alex says, it being clear that she worried about that.

"So I'm guessing that it is probably not the best time to tell you that it was leaked." Barba says and Alex gets a look of panic on her face.

"It will be okay, Lexie." Barba says, realising that it was a mistake to say that, trying to be comforting and deciding that he won't mention the connection with Velez until Alex is stronger, "Está bien." Barba says, slipping into Spanish in hopes that it will be more reassuring, and Alex look slightly reassured at that but it is clear that she is still panicked, "Está bien Lexie , todo va a estar bien." Barba says, trying once again to be reassuring but it has no affect as Alex still looks panicked.

"Ms Cabot I have some medication that can help with the pain but before I can administer it I have to ask you a few questions." The Doctor says, feeling like it would be a good time to distract Alex.

"Okay."

"Where are you hurting?"

"Head and chest, arm a little." Alex answers after taking a minute to try and tell where the different pains she is feeling are coming from.

"Okay the pain in your head, how would you describe it?" The doctor asks.

"Um, pressure like a tension headache." Alex answers.

"And how bad is the pain?" she asks.

"I've had worse." Alex answers and Barba has to try to keep an amused look of his face as that is such an Alex response.

"And on a scale of one to ten how would you describe it?" The doctor asks.

"Four, maybe five."

"Okay. And your chest, how would you describe that?"

"Sharp, only when I breathe." Alex answers.

"And what would you give that?"

"Six when I breathe out, three when I breathe in." Alex says.

"Okay; and your arm?" The Doctor asks.

"About two, it doesn't hurt that much." Alex answers.

"Okay, good. I'll administer the medication by IV, it may make you tired." The doctor says.

"Okay." Alex answers and while the doctor preps the medication Alex avoids looking as she isn't the biggest fan of needles.

"You going to pass out on me again?" Barba asks with an amused smirk, doing is best to try and distract Alex.

"You're never going to let me forget that, are you?" Alex asks, realising exactly what Barba is talking about, and being thankful that he is trying to distract her.

"Never."

"What am I missing?" Munch ask curious and Alex and Barba exchange a look, Barba getting the okay to explain.

"Lexie and I donated blood our freshman year in collage, Lexie passed out in the chair." Barba explains simply.

"Really?" Munch asks Alex surprised.

"Yeah." Alex says, sounding less than proud of herself.

"There, all done." The doctor says.

"Thank you." Alex says.

"If you need anything just ring the bell." The doctor says.

"I will." Alex says and the doctor leaves, "You should call your Mami, she would be mad if you didn't."

"She really would, I'll be right back." Barba says, clearly hesitant about leaving Alex, before getting up and walking out of the room.

Once Barba leaves Munch gets up and walks over to Alex.

"We're a family, Alex. Always have been, always will be." Munch tells her.

"I know that." Alex says.

"That means we help each other; no matter what."

"I know that too, but I just couldn't call." Alex says, tears coming to her eyes, "I couldn't admit to you all what happened and I was just so afraid." Alex admits.

"I know that saying this won't help, but you'll be safe. Olivia, Finn, Amaro, Rollins and everyone else will make sure of that." Munch says, "That I promise." He says and Alex gives a small nod.

"And like I said, I'm glad you're okay." Munch says, "And I'm sorry that this happened to you."

"Thank you, John."

"You don't have to thank me, Alex." Munch tells her and they drift into silence.

"So I talked to Mami, she'll be hear after she finishes at work." Barba says walking back in the room, holding a cup of coffee, a few minutes later.

"Okay." Alex says, her eyes drifting open and closed.

"You look like you could use some sleep." Barba tells Alex.

"So do you." Alex says in response.

"True; but I'm not hurt, I can go a while without sleep."

"I very well aware of that." Alex says, remembering all the all-nighters they pulled together.

"And I know you can to, but right now you need to sleep." Barba says, not reacting to Alex's comment.

"I want to be awake when Ella gets here." Alex says.

"That might be a while. Olivia has to get herself, Noah and Ella ready and wait for her sitter for Noah." Munch points out.

"If you're not awake when they get here I'll wake you." Barba assures.

"Promise?"

"Promise." Barba assures as he sits back down in his seat.

"Okay." Alex says and within a few minutes she has fallen asleep again.

"You know Alex is right. You could use some sleep." Munch tells Barba.

"I'm fine." Barba lies.

"How many coffees does that make?" Munch asks curious as Barba takes a mouthful.

"Not enough." Barba answers, as they drift into silence Barba knowing that even with how much caffeine he has drunk in the past forty hours it's nothing compared to what he's done in the past.

 _July 1997_

 _Having graduated for Harvard only a couple of months earlier Alex and Barba are in the apartment that they have been sharing since they returned to New York after graduation. As they were due to take the bar exam in three days they were puling an all-nighter to study._

" _This is insane." Alex calls from where she was sitting on the floor surrounded by books, "Why are we putting ourselves through this?"_

" _Because we both have the insane idea of being Lawyers." Barba called back from the kitchen._

" _Yeah, why do we want that again?" Alex asked curious._

" _Right now I have no idea." Barba said as he walked back in holding two mugs, "But to achieve that we're going to have to pass this thing."_

" _I know." Alex said as Barba sat down on the floor next to her, "Please say that's scotch." Alex said, referring to the glasses._

" _Nope. Something better." Barba said as he handed a glass over to Alex, who pulled a face when she smelt it._

" _Okay, what the hell is this?" Alex asked._

" _Coffee infused with energy drink and sugar." Barba explained, like it was a normal everyday thing._

" _Seriously?" Alex asked shocked._

" _Yep." Barba said, "It should help."_

" _Yeah, help stop our hearts." Alex comments._

" _Where is your sense of adventure, Lexie?" Barba asked._

" _I have a sense of adventure. I'm just pretty sure that this borderline stupid." Alex commented._

" _Like this would be the first time we've done something stupid."_

" _True. Okay, I will if you will."_

" _Deal." Barba says, "Count of three." Barba said and once he counts down the two of them both drink, both pulling faces as they did._

* * *

For the next couple of hours Barba and Munch continue to sit with Alex both of them very glad that Alex has now woken because they know that she could wake again at any time. Thanks to Olivia bringing a charger with her the day before Barba has been able to charge his phone and he is checking on how it is going when a message from Olivia appears.

"I'll be right back." Barba says to Munch when he sees the message.

"Sure." Munch says as Barba gets up and heads out of the room.

* * *

When Barba walks out of the room he finds Olivia, holding Ella, standing in near the nurse's station.

"Tío Rafi." Ella says happily when she sees Barba.

"Hi, Pequeña, did you have a good time with Olivia and Noah?" Barba asks.

"Yes." Ella says happily.

"I'm glad." Barba says, truly meaning his words, "And were you good for Olivia?" Barba asks.

"She was great." Olivia answers.

"That's good." Barba says. .

"She's awake?" Olivia asks.

"She was. She went back to sleep but I promised I would wake her when she did." Barba tells Olivia.

"Is that a good idea?" Olivia asks with a frown.

"A promise is a promise." Barba says in response.

"Guess it is." Olivia says, still not thinking that it is a good idea, "How was she?"

"Good. She was in some pain." Barba explains, "And I had to tell her what happened." Barba explains and Olivia pauses and takes a deep breath with her eyes closed at that.

"How much did you tell her?" Olivia asks, wanting to know so that she knows how much she can tell Alex when she wakes.

"I told her what Torres did, and that he hadn't been caught." Barba explains, "I didn't tell Lexie the Torres, Velez connection. After the way she reacted when she found out how many people know and the way she reacted to it being leaked to the media I thought that that could wait until she was stronger." Barba explains.

"That was probably a good choice." Olivia says approvingly.

"So Ella, do you want to go see your Mom?" Olivia asks.

"Yes." Ella says happily.

"Okay, let's go." Olivia says and the three of them head back into the room.

* * *

"I still don't think you waking Alex is a good idea. She needs rest." Olivia tells Barba as they walk into the room.

"I know that, but I also know that I made a promise." Barba says as he walks over to Alex's bed, "Lexie, wake up. Ella's here." Barba tells his best friend, "Lexie." Barba once more says and Alex's eyes flicker open and closed.

"Mommy." Ella says from where she is standing with Olivia at the end of Alex's bed.

For the next minute or so Alex's eyes flicker open and closed until they remain properly open.

"Hey, Lexie."

"Rafi." Alex says in response.

"There is someone who really wants to say hello to you." Barba says before walking over to where Olivia and Ella is standing and he takes Ella off Olivia.

"Ella." Alex says, sounding so glad to see her little girl.

"MOMMY." Ella yells, trying to reach for her mother.

"Your Mommy's hurt so you're going to have to be careful." Barba says as he gently puts Ella on Alex's bed. Once she is on the bed Ella hurries over to her mother and puts her arms around her mother's neck.

"Oh Ella." Alex says as she slowly reaches out and puts her arms around her daughter, "I'm sorry that you had to see that, so sorry." Alex says as she remembers more than she did the last time she woke which means she knows what Ella saw, "I love you Ella, I love you so much." Alex tells her daughter as she places a kiss on her head.

"I should head back to the precinct. I'll call if anything changes." Munch says to Olivia before leaving.

For a few minutes Olivia, Ella, Barba and Alex are quiet while Alex holds her daughter, being so happy to hold her daughter.

"Olivia." Alex says, breaking the silence, looking over her daughters head to Olivia.

"Hey, Alex." Olivia says, as she and Alex exchange a look, a look which says so much more than words ever could.

"Hey Ella, how about we go and get some ice cream down in the cafeteria." Barba suggests, realising that Olivia and Alex really need to talk alone, "What do you think about that?" Barba asks.

"Okay." Ella says finally moving her arms from around her mother.

"Don't give her too much ice cream, Rafi." Alex requests. .

"I won't." Barba promises, "Will fifteen minutes be enough?" he asks looking between Olivia and Alex, both of whom nod.

"Let's go, Pequeña." Barba says picking up Ella.

Once Barba has walked out Olivia walks over to Alex and sits do on the edge of the bed. Even though Olivia has been thinking for the last day about what she would say to Alex once she woke now that she is awake Olivia can't think of a single thing she wants to say, so instead she decides to go with something safe.

"Ella's pretty great." Olivia says as she knows that it's a very safe way to start a conversation.

"I think so, she's everything to me." Alex responds, "Rafi, he's been keeping my up to date on what's been going on. He told me all about Noah, I'm so happy for you, Liv." Alex says, it being clear that she completely means her words.

"Thanks, Noah's amazing, having him in my life is amazing."

"That's great." Alex tells her.

"Yeah." Olivia says, "Ella and Noah actually played together last night, and this morning, they got along great, it was nice to watch." Olivia explains as she is pretty sure that Noah took to Ella quicker than anyone else he's met.

"That's great." Alex says, "Thank you for that, for looking after, Ella." Alex says.

"You _never_ have to thank me for that." Olivia tells her, stressing the word never, "How are you feeling?" Olivia asks after minute pause.

"Better than I did last time I woke, except….." Alex says, trailing off as she isn't sure whether she wants to say what she was going to say.

"Except what?" Olivia asks, gently, trying to get Alex to confide in her.

"I remember more, I remember everything." Alex says, getting upset; wanting to help Olivia reaches out to grab Alex's hand and she flinches and pulls back.

"Sorry." Alex says once she realises what she did.

"Don't apologise, it's not your fault." Olivia says, "It will pass. You survived Ally, and you'll make it through whatever comes next."

"Not if Torres has his way, he wants me dead, Liv. He wants me to hurt." Alex says, it being clear that Alex is completely terrified of Torres about that which gives Olivia some insight into how Alex has been living for the past eighteen months.

"I won't, we won't, let him get near you again. It might not feel like it right now but you will feel safe again. You'll get through this Alex." Olivia says, trying to be as comforting as possible.

"I doesn't feel like it." Alex says.

"I know."

"I thought that if I kept moving, kept hidden then I would be safe. I thought that if I didn't completely admit how bad it was then maybe it wouldn't get to this." Alex says, her version of an explanation about why she never called.

"Denial can be powerful, but it doesn't work." Olivia says, "I don't know what you've been through, but I do know that to have gotten through it then you're even stronger than I knew." Olivia says, "You survived Alex, you're a survivor and I will do everything in my power to make sure you're safe again."

"Thank you." Alex says, looking more thankful than she could put into words.

"You don't have to thank me." Olivia says and before Alex can say anything there is a knock at the door and both Olivia and Alex turn to see Rollins standing there.

"Sorry to interrupt."

"It's okay." Alex says, "It's nice to see you again Detective Rollins." Alex says putting on what used to be called her, "Ice Princess" persona, "I'm guessing you're here to take my statement."

"Yeah." Rollins says walking over, "We could wait but with Torres's connection to Velez, it would be better to get you statement sooner."

"What connection to Velez?" Alex asks, starting to panic, the persona she put on disappearing in a second flat, "Liv, what's she's talking about?"

"Sorry, I thought you knew." Rollins says feeling bad.

"We were waiting until Alex got stronger." Olivia explains, "The Company Torres worked for went through his computer and on it they found a deleted file, a picture of Torres with a young Velez." Olivia explains and Alex gets a look of complete shock on her face, "Alex?" Olivia asks after a few minutes.

"Was all this on purpose?" Alex asks, "From the beginning? Did he always want to hurt me?"

"We're not sure, but it looks like it." Rollins answers and Alex starts to hyperventilate as at one point she thought there was a chance of a future with Torres and now she is finding out that it may have all been lies.

"Alex, Ally, look at me." Olivia says, "Take deep breaths." Olivia says.

"Ca….n't…" Alex says.

"Yes, you can. I know you can." Olivia says, "Just focus on me and breathe. In and out." Olivia says as she looks at the machines and sees how quickly Alex's heart is beating, "Think about Ella and focus on me. Come on sweetheart, you can do it." Olivia says reaching out and grabbing both of Alex's hands.

For the next few minutes Rollins watches in worry as Olivia slowly does her best to help Alex get her breathing under control.

"Good, that's great." Olivia says as Alex's breathing gets better, "That's really good." She says once Alex is managing to breathe normally.

"I'm sorry." Rollins says once Alex's breathing is under control.

"It's not your fault." Olivia says.

"It's never going to be over." Alex says, a look that is between terror and agony clear on her face.

"It will be, we'll get him and it will be over." Olivia assures, knowing that she will make sure of that.

"Will it?"

"Yeah, it will." Olivia promises and even though she doesn't believe it Alex gives a nod as she knows that if anyone can keep that promise then it is Olivia.

"Your statement can wait if you would like. I can come back later." Rollins offers.

"No, I can do it." Alex says, not entirely sure about that but wanting to try, "I know how important it is."

"Okay, we can stop at any time." Rollins offers.

"Will you stay?" Alex asks Olivia as she thinks it will help to have Olivia there.

"Of course." Olivia answers.

"So, start at the beginning and tell me everything you remember." Rollins tells Alex.

"I was reading with Ella when I heard footsteps outside. At first I thought it was Rafi, but then I realised that it didn't sound like him." Alex says, "I looked up then next thing I knew the door was broken in. I grabbed Ella and tried to run, but I wasn't fast enough." Alex explains, "Felix Torres knocked me and Ella to the ground, I think that must have been when I hurt my arm. He kept coming towards me with a knife, I knew that it wasn't the smart thing to do but I wanted to protect Ella, so I fought back." Alex explains.

"Don't think about that, you did what you had to do." Olivia tells her.

"What happened next?" Rollins asks.

"I was cut and stabbed, and he overpowered me." Alex says, "He ripped my clothes, and heled me down." Alex says, starting to shake slightly.

"It's okay, Ally, just continue when you can." Olivia says, moving slightly so that, she can try and comfort Alex.

"He put on a condom and pushed in, hard." Alex says, tears coming to her eyes, "He raped me. It hurt so much, I thought I was being ripped in half."

"You're doing great Alex, you're doing so great." Olivia says supportively.

"And what happened next?" Rollins asks.

"I was fighting back, trying to stop him, but I couldn't." Alex says, "I think I was cut again, he hit me. Once he was finished he pulled the condom off and ejaculated on my stomach." Alex says, looking modified, "Once he was done with me he tried to move to Ella and I wasn't going to let that happen so I forced myself to get up, to fight back and I think he knocked me down again, I don't remember anything else." Alex explains.

"That was great Alex, you did really well." Olivia says supportively.

"I'm just going to get you to read what I wrote and sign to say you agree." Rollins tells her.

"I need my glasses."

"They're currently in evidence." Rollins says.

"Then I can't read." Alex says.

"Actually you can." Olivia says getting up and walking over to where she's been keeping her stuff, "You left these at mine." She says pulling out the glasses case, "I thought there might come a time when you need them." Olivia explains as she walks back over before handing the case over to Alex.

"Thank you." Alex says, opening the case and putting on the glasses, and as soon as she does she feels just a little bit more like herself.

"So, just read and sign if you agree." Rollins tells Alex handing the notebook over.

"I will." Alex says as she starts to read.

For the next few minutes Alex, Olivia and Rollins are quiet while Alex reads the notebook.

"Yeah, that's everything." Alex answers before signing the book and handing it back over.

"Good, I'll get back to the precinct and type this up. I'll keep you updated." Rollins says.

"Good." Olivia says and before Rollins can get to the door to leave it opens and Barba and Ella walk in.

"Rollins, what are you doing here?" Barba asks when he sees her, honestly hoping that what he is thinking is wrong.

"Just getting Alex's statement." Rollins explains.

"And that couldn't wait?" Barba asks with a frown.

"It's okay Rafi, it was good to do it now." Alex assures.

"Are you sure?" Barba asks walking over to Alex.

"Yeah."

"Okay." Barba says as he places Ella back on the bed as she was reaching for Alex.

"Hey, Sweetie." Alex says hugging her daughter, realising that even with how horrible she is feeling holding her daughter helps, it's the only thing that does.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

It has been three days since Alex woke up and in those three days Alex has been moved from ICU to a regular hospital room. Even though she is doing a lot better than she has been she still has at least another few days in hospital.

In the three days since she Alex woke Barba has been with her almost constantly though he has spent a bit of time at home as Alex managed to convince, with great difficulty, him to go home, have a shower and get some sleep.

Apart from Barba there has been one other person who has been in Alex's room constantly, though Lucia has been there quite a lot, and that's Olivia. At Alex's insistent Olivia has spent a few hours a day away, and nights, usually so that she can spend time with Noah or check in with the precinct though she has been spending the majority of her time at the hospital.

It is about lunch time and Alex, Barba, Ella and Olivia are eating some food that Lucia dropped by so that they wouldn't have to continue to eat hospital food.

"This is so amazing." Olivia, who has never had Lucia's cooking before, says.

"Mami is the most amazing cook." Barba says.

"Yeah, she is, but you're not so bad yourself." Alex comments.

"Wait what? You can cook." Olivia says to Barba in shock.

"I'm not bad." Barba says with a shrug.

"Modesty looks very strange on you." Alex tells her best friend, "Rafi is more than not bad, he's amazing." Alex explains, it being clear that she is very proud of her best friend.

"Wow, you learn something new every day." Olivia says, surprised that that hasn't come up before.

"You only say I'm a good cook because you can't cook." Barba informs Alex.

"I've gotten better than you very much." Alex says as she took some cooking classes when she was in WITSEC as a way to pass the time.

"You have, but that doesn't mean I'm going to forget about the stoves you've caught on fire." Barba says and Olivia has to laugh at that.

"You do realise what this means, right?" Olivia asks Barba.

"No, what does this mean?" Barba asks, not sure if he wants to know.

"That you're going to have to cook dinner for us all at some point." Olivia says and before Barba can respond Olivia's phone starts to ring, "Benson." She answers, "Yes sir, sure, I'll be right there." Olivia says before hanging up.

"Has something happened?" Alex asks Olivia once she hangs up.

"Not sure. Dodds and McCoy have something they want to discuss with me." Olivia explains as she stands up, "I'm taking this with me." Olivia says referring to the bowel she is holding, "I'll be back soon." Olivia says before leaving.

"I'm sure that's nothing to worry about." Barba tells Alex once Olivia leaves.

"Didn't we establish a long time ago that you are horrible at lying to me?" Alex asks.

"Yeah, I guess we did." Barba admits and because he realises that Alex could use a distraction he decided to completely change the subject, "Do you remember when I was the one in bed with food Mami made around me?"

"Okay you get a zero for very obvious attempt at trying to change the subject." Alex informs Barba, "And of course I remember." Alex says with a half-smile, something that she hasn't been managing to often lately.

 _November 1996_

 _There was only a few weeks until the end of the semester when Barba got the flu and after a few days of him attempting to try and push through it Barba finally gave in to the illness and had been in bed ever since._

 _When she arrived home from classes Alex realised that something smells really good so after she put her books on the table Alex walked to the kitchen and looked in the fridge and freezer where she found it full of food, which was strange because when she left for class Alex was sure the fridge and freezer were basically empty. Having wanted some answers Alex headed to Barba's room._

" _Rafi, you awake?" Alex asked as she knocked on the door._

" _Yeah, come in." Barba's voice responded and that's exactly what Alex did._

" _So when I left all we had was three day old leftovers, beer, coffee, tea, ice cream and scotch, where did the real food come from?" Alex asked as she walked over._

" _Mami, she showed up this morning to check how I was doing and wasn't too happy when she saw our lack of food." Barba explains as Alex climbed on the bed and sat down next to Barba._

" _And so she made us enough food to last for a month?" Alex asked._

" _Yep."_

" _I love your Mom." Alex said as she stole some of Barba's food._

" _Do you mind?" Barba asked, pretending to be annoyed._

" _Nope. That's amazing."_

" _So what did I miss?" Barba asked curious._

" _Nothing too important, but my notes are in the kitchen, and I almost punched Granger." Alex reveals, having tried to slip the almost hitting Granger thing in unnoticed._

" _Seriously? Six years in the making and you choose the one day I'm not there?" Barba asked, having clearly been annoyed._

" _I didn't actually hit him. Langan got in the middle." Alex explained._

" _We'll that's better, I guess, that wouldn't look good on your record." Barba pointed out._

" _I know, I just didn't care." Alex admitted._

" _What did he do this time?" Barba asked curious as he knew that there must have been a line Granger crossed for Alex to almost hit him._

" _He was himself, times about a hundred." Alex explains, "It was probably a good thing you weren't there."_

" _Yeah, probably." Barba said, "Not sure if Langan would have gotten in the middle if it was me."_

" _Are you kidding of course he would have." Alex said, "We both know that Langan likes you more than me."_

" _I don't know about that."_

" _Trust me, I know these things." Alex told Barba, having given him something to think about._

" _I do trust you Lexie, always." Barba said and the two of them drifted into silence while they both ate the food._

* * *

After leaving the hospital Olivia headed straight to the 1-6, honestly very worried about what she is going to be told when she gets there.

"What's going on?" Olivia asks when she walks into the squad room and finds McCoy, Huang, Casey, Fin, Munch, Rollins, Amaro, Carisi and Dodds waiting.

"Let's step into your office." Dodds suggests.

"Just tell me, whatever it is." Olivia requests.

"We have an idea about a plan to find Torres." Dodds reveals as it was decided that he would be the one who starts the conversation.

"Okay?" Olivia asks as she notices Fin and Rollins exchange a look.

"Torres is impossible to find, so we use the one thing we have that we know Torres wants." McCoy says, "We draw him out."

"Wait, you're talking about Alex." Olivia realises, "You want to use Alex as bait." Olivia says, it being clear that she is angry about that, "Are you kidding me?"

"It could be our one chance to get him." George tells Olivia, it being clear that he isn't the biggest fan of the idea either, "Torres is single minded, he's obsessive, a plan involving Alex has the best chance of being successful." George explains as even though he isn't the biggest fan of the plan he knows that it is the plan with the best chance of successes which in the long run will be better for Alex.

"And Alex? What about what it will do to her?" Olivia asks.

"She doesn't have to know." Carisi says, "It would probably be better if she doesn't, make the act even more convincing."

"Stop talking Carisi." Olivia requests, "I don't like this."

"Neither do I." Fin tells Olivia walking over to her, "This isn't fair to Alex, I know that, but I don't see us having another choice. We need to get this guy, before he does something else and as much as I hate to say it this is our best chance, this is our only chance." Fin says as he sees Alex as his sister so he doesn't want to use her as bait, but he knows that it may be their only chance to get Torres.

"What exactly is the plan?" Olivia asks, not saying that she is agreeing but knowing that she at least has to hear them out.

"We fake an emergency call for the security detail and wait, it's simple, but might just work." Rollins explains.

"Do you think he will be stupid enough to try again so soon?" Olivia asks.

"I think he wouldn't be able to help himself." George says, "From Barba's notes and what I observed in the tapes it is clear that he wants to control Alex and he believed for a while that he had control, but then she walked away, breaking that control. That's raged him, humiliated him and because of that he wants to hurt Alex, as much as he can. I think that the reason why he hasn't done anything yet is because there would be no satisfaction in hurting Alex in the state she was in, but now that she is doing better the satisfaction is back and he wouldn't be able to resist an open opportunity like this." George explains.

"I don't like this." Olivia says.

"It doesn't matter what you like Sargent, what matters is that this is a chance, a chance to get this guy of the streets. It's a chance to make sure that he doesn't hurt anyone else, including Alexandra Cabot." Dodds tells Olivia.

"At what cost?" Olivia asks before walking into her office, needing a minute to herself.

Without a word to the other Amaro follows her, realising that Olivia needs a friend.

* * *

When Amaro walks into Olivia's office he finds her sitting behind her desk. Just as he closes the door behind him Amaro sees Olivia reach into her bottom draw and pull a picture in a frame out.

"What's that?" Amaro asks, seeing the action.

"Something from a lifetime ago." Olivia answers as Amaro hobbles over.

"Can I see?" Amaro asks

"Sure." Olivia says and she hands the picture over.

"Oh, wow. When is this from?" Amaro asks, being surprised by the image reflecting back at him.

"Christmas, fifteen years ago." Olivia answers, "We were working a case." Olivia explains, "Munch and Alex, who was at the precinct so that she could get us whatever we needed as quick as possible, disappeared for an hour and when they returned they had a fully cooked Christmas lunch with them. They never did tell us where it came from." Olivia admits as that is something that she has always been curious about but never got an answer to.

"Fin used to have long hair?" Amaro asks, surprised by that.

"Yeah."

"And you had really short." Amaro says as he looks between the photo and Olivia.

"Yeah, for a really long time." Olivia answers.

"Looks and sounds like it was a great day." Amaro says.

"It wasn't as horrible as it could be." Olivia says as Amaro hands back the photo of her, Alex, Fin, Munch, and Cragen. The only reason while Elliot wasn't there was because he is the only one who had a family he could spend time with and so everyone else insisted that he go home to them.

"Look I get it, I don't know how I would react if everyone wanted to use Maria as bait." Amaro tells Olivia.

"Alex isn't just my ex." Olivia says, "She's my friend, a part of this family." Olivia says, "And almost twelve years ago she bled out right in front of me." Olivia informs Amaro, "I thought she died in front of me, in a way she did, and it's something that I can still see as clear as day." Olivia admits.

"If you don't mind me asking what happened?" Amaro asks, wondering if he is pushing his luck.

"It was a bad case, an undercover NYPD officer who was loaned to the DEA was raped and killed, her tongue was cut out. The perp was one of Velez's lieutenant's. Alex stood up to him, said some things he didn't like, and he didn't take that too well." Olivia explains, "Hits were placed on Alex, and her mother. A DEA agent was killed in car bomb and Alex was ordered off the case." Olivia explains, "The DEA arrested the lieutenant and we were all at a bar to celebrate and Alex talked about how we close cases but don't really get justice." Olivia says, taking a deep breath, "Finn, Munch and Cragen left and Alex, my old partner, and I stayed for a little longer before we left. We were walking down the street, side by side, Alex closes to the road, and I was closes the bar, and a car drove past firing at us. Alex was hit, she was bleeding out, and I tried to stop it, but I couldn't." Olivia explains, getting upset, "Like I said, I'll never forget that. It wasn't until the night before her funeral, when the Marshals were moving her to a new identity, that I found out Alex was alive, for days I thought she died because I couldn't help her."

"And you're afraid that if we do this then you might lose her again." Amaro realises.

"Ally's barley hanging on. She's trying to be okay, but she's not; and I'm worried that this will push her over the edge." Olivia explains as in the time she has spent with Alex in the past few days she has quite often had her 'ice princess' persona up which is what Alex always uses as a defence mechanism.

"I get that I do, but catching him will help; and it will be in a controlled way, she'll be safe or at least as safe as we can make her." Amaro explains, "Talk to Alex, talk to Barba, and let her make the decision for herself, she deserves that, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, she does." Olivia says, "Can you give me a few?"

"Sure." Amaro says and he leaves, leaving Olivia to her thoughts.

* * *

For a few minutes Olivia sits and thinks about what Amaro says while she stares at the picture and after a lot of internal debate she finally makes her decision, so before she can talk herself out of the decision that she made Olivia gets up and heads back out into the squad room

"It has to be Alex's choice." Olivia says when all eyes turn on her, "If she says no then we figure out another way."

"That's fair." Dodds says

"You should come to the hospital." Olivia says to George, "It will help Alex to completely understand all of the reasons why this is even being considered as a plan."

"Sure."

"Good. I'll let you know what Alex says." Olivia says and she and George leave.

"Do we have a backup plan in case Cabot says no?" Carisi asks

"No, but we'll figure one out." Fin says.

* * *

Because she knew that it would be better to tell Barba the plan before Alex Olivia sent him a message on her way to the hospital which is why she isn't surprised and is glad to find Barba waiting for her outside Alex's hospital room.

"What's going on?" Barba asks when he sees Olivia and George.

"There's a plan, a plan to catch Torres, but you're not going to like it." Olivia informs Barba

"What is it?" Barba asks, being pretty positive that he doesn't want to hear it.

"We have the security detail leave and see what happens." Olivia tells Barba.

"And use Lexie as bait, no. No way." Barba inform Olivia, sounding angry about the mere suggestion.

"I don't like this either, in fact I hate it just as much as I'm sure you do." Olivia says, it being clear that she means what she is saying. "But whether we do this isn't my decision, and it isn't yours, its Alex's." Olivia informs Barba.

"I know that, I do, but I just don't want her to hurt any more than she already is." Barba says, it being clear that it's been hurting him to see his best friend how she's been.

"It could do the opposite." George says and both Olivia and Barba turn to face him, "It could give Alex a chance to finally feel safe again, it could give her closure. If Torres falls for the trap then he will get caught and that will go a long way to helping Alex feel safe, it will go a long way to helping." George explains.

"If I had a vote it would be no, but like you said it's not my choice." Barba says looking at Olivia, "Let me be the one to tell her the suggestion." Barba requests as he knows that it might help Alex to hear it from him.

"Okay." Olivia says and George nods in agreement.

"Okay." Barba says, "Shall we?" He asks, the others nod and together the three of them walk back into Alex's room, nodding at the guards as they do.

* * *

When Olivia, Alex and Barba walk into Alex's room they find Alex sitting on the bed reading to Ella. When Alex hears the door open she looks over and even though she tries to hide it is clear that Alex is surprised to see George.

"George."

"Hi, Alex." George says in response as Barba walks over and sits on the edge of Alex's bed, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." Alex lies, "It's really good to see you, George." Alex comments, actually meaning that.

"I'm glad to see you too, I just wish it was under better circumstances." George informs Alex as he and Alex have been friends since he started at SVU so he is glad to see her he just wishes she didn't have to go through what she's been through.

"Yeah." Alex says as she avoids looking at anyone, "What's going on?" she asks, being able to tell that there is something.

"Everyone working at the precinct has come up with a plan to try and get Torres." Barba says, trying to be as gentle as possible.

"What is it?" Alex asks, choosing to look at her daughter rather than any of the adults in the room.

"If the security detail isn't outside your room then Torres may use that as an opportunity to make his move." Barba explains, trying to say it in the best way possible.

"So the plan is to use me as bait." Alex realises.

"Only if you agree." Olivia says.

"He'll kill me, if he gets the chance he'll kill me." Alex tells says, finally looking away from Ella to look at Barba as they have this conversation before so it is easier to say to him rather than Olivia or George.

"We won't let him." Olivia informs everyone, "Fin, Rollins, Carisi, Dodds, Munch, McCoy, Amaro, George and I will all be close by, and we won't let him get close enough." Olivia promises Alex, "I promise."

"You can't promise that." Alex says.

"Yes, I can." Olivia says walking over, "And I do." She tells Alex.

"The way you've been living for the last eighteen months isn't fair Alex, and this could be your chance of taking your life back." George says, "This is a chance to get Torres, a chance for you to stop living in fear. Asking this of you isn't' fair, but it may be the one chance we have of getting him."

"I don't like this." Barba tells Alex, "I know this will put you in danger and I hate that, but Lexie, this could be the thing to change things, your chance to start over without living ever day in fear, after everything that we have talked about in the last eighteen months I know how much you want that, how impossible you think it is, but it might not be" Barba tells Alex, "But if you don't want to do this then we'll find another way to get him. This is your choice Lexie, if you say no then the answer is no and this will never be suggested again." Barba promises.

For a few minutes everyone in the room is silent.

"Ella stays with you. You do not let her out of your sight, no matter what." Alex tells Barba, trying to sound confidence but the terror is clear in her voice, "Promise me that."

"I promise." Barba responds, as he reaches over and grabs Alex's hand, causing her to flinch, completely meaning his words.

"How's this going to work?" Alex asks Olivia after giving Barba a grateful look.

"Um, not sure yet. We were just focusing on getting your okay." Olivia reveals, "Now that we've got that we can figure out what comes next.

"I'm not okay with it." Alex corrects, "But I agree." Alex says as even with how terrified she is she realise that this might be the only chance they have to capture Torres and that's the only reason why she's agreeing.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

A few hours after Alex agreed to the plan to get Torres Barba and Olivia are the only ones in the room as George headed back to the precinct to help the to others organize what they have to. Olivia had left for a little while so that she could check in on a few things but has returned, Barba on the other hand has been with Alex, and Ella, the entire time.

"It's time." Olivia says when he phone goes off, "Everyone else is in place. Now we've got to leave." Olivia says before walking over to Alex's bed, "We'll be right down the hall." Olivia promises, "We'll stop him, I'll stop him, before he can do anything else."

"You'll try." Alex corrects.

"I will." Olivia promises, meaning that as even though she does her best not to promise victims anything she does mean this promise to Alex, as she gives Alex a supportive smile, "I'll give you two a few minutes." Olivia says, "Go the back way and then double back." Olivia tells Barba, "And I'll see you when this if over." She tells Alex before leaving.

"Are you sure?" Barba asks Alex.

"Don't ask me that." Alex requests, as she is sure that if she has a chance then she'll change her mind, "Ella, sweetie, you're going to go with Tío Rafi for a little while." Alex tells her daughter who is sitting next to her.

"Why?" Ella asks.

"Because I need you to." Alex says, "It won't be for long. Okay?"

"Okay." Ella repeats.

"Good. I love you Sweetie." Alex tells her daughter before turning to Barba who has walked over so that he can grab Ella, "Watch her."

"I will." Barba promises, "Estarás bien , Lexie . Lo conseguirán esta vez ." Barba informs Alex, switching to Spanish in an attempt to hide what he is saying from Ella, forgetting that he and his mother have been teaching Ella Spanish so she is likely to understand most of what he is saying.

"You're more optimistic than I am." Alex says after she internally translates what he said.

"Yeah, well, it was bound to happen eventually." Barba says with a shrug, trying to downplay his worry, "Come on, Pequeña, it's time to go." Barba tells his niece.

"Bye, Bye Mommy." Ella says to her mother before climbing over her mother and to her Uncle.

"Te veré cuando esto termine , Te amo Lexie." Barba says.

"I love you too." Alex responds as Barba picks up Ella. After exchanging a look with Alex Barba leaves holding Ella hoping so much that Alex is okay the next time he sees her.

As Barba leaves Alex can feel her breathing increasing, she can feel her panic rising. Alex is aware that it might seem like she is overreacting but she has a lot of reasons to, Torres has given her a lot of reasons to be afraid.

 _November 30_ _th_ _2013_

 _At about eight am Alex was in her bathroom getting ready for the day. She had just gotten out of the shower and because of that she was only wearing a towel, while she looked in the mirror when suddenly the door bused open and Torres walked in._

" _Is something wrong?" Alex asked timidly as if she had learnt anything in recent months it's to be worried when Torres is like that._

" _Did you think I wouldn't' find out?" Torres asked angrily._

" _Find out what?" Alex asked as she attempted to sounds as calm as she could._

" _You know what." Felix said as he pushed Alex against the sink._

" _I don't Felix, really." Alex said, having had to force herself to do so as Torres pushed her harder against the sink._

" _THIS!" Torres said as he pulled Alex's phone out her pocket and shoved it in her face._

" _That's nothing! It's for work we've been assigned a case." Alex explained, once she read what made Torres so mad._

" _No, you're not." Torres said as he punched Alex in the face, which caused her to fall to the ground and once she was on the ground he kicked her._

" _Felix, no, don't, stop. The baby." Alex said as tears came to her eyes, while she attempted to do whatever she could to protect her stomach and unborn child._

" _You're mine, you do what I say when I say it, and you're not going to work with anyone else." Torres said before kicking Alex once more, "Just because I won't be here doesn't mean you can do anything without my permission; and I'm going to make sure you remember that." Torres promises._

* * *

After leaving Alex's room, having an horrible feeling in his gut the entire time, Barba makes his way out of the hospital then doubles back so that he can re entre the hospital and go to where the others are.

When Barba walks into the room where he knows the others are set up he finds Fin, Munch, Amaro, Dodds, Rollins, Carisi and Olivia waiting, all of whom are wearing their vests.

"We'll wait twenty then make the call." Olivia says when she sees Barba.

"Okay." Barba says even though it feels the furthers thing from okay as he sits down. As her Uncle sits down as he is holding her it is clear that Ella is confused about what is going on.

"Hi Ella, my name's Nick. I used to work with your Mom and I work with your Tío." Amaro explains, trying to distract Ella, who look scared even though she doesn't understand what's going on. Since Alex woke up the only people who have visited Alex have been George, Fin, Munch, Rollins, and Olivia and so he hasn't had a chance to say hello yet.

"Say hello, Ella, its okay." Barba say to his niece who still looks nervous, "It's okay Pequeña, promise." Barba assures her.

"Hi." Ella says, still clearly nervous as she turns to look at Amaro.

"Hi." Amaro says back, trying to be as comforting as possible.

"Maybe you should take Ella back to your apartment." Rollins suggests, "It would be better than being here."

"No. I'm not leaving and I promised that Ella would stay in my sight." Barba tells Rollins.

"Barba and Ella stay." Olivia says before anyone can object, "We still can't be sure that Torres won't go after them." Olivia explains, there being no room for argument in her voice, "And on that note where is your Mother?" Olivia asks Barba.

"Either at the school or apartment." Barba answers, "She has the protection detail and I said not to come visit."

"What did she say to that?" Olivia asks curious.

"She confused, and wasn't happy but she didn't ask why, I don't think she wanted to." Barba admits as his mother knows enough about both him and Alex to know that there are somethings that she doesn't want to know more about.

"Good, the protection detail have been warned to be on the lookout so she'll be safe." Olivia assures Barba.

"Thank you." Barba says and everyone drifts into silence.

* * *

For almost twenty minutes everyone is quiet while they wait for enough time to have passed since Barba and Olivia left so that they can make the fake emergency call.

"Rollins, is everything up?" Olivia asks, wanting to triple check.

"Yep, we're patched into the security cameras and the mini camera's you placed are all transmitting." Rollins explains, "We have eyes on everything."

"She looks petrified." Carisi comments.

"You can't blame her for that." Munch comments.

"Time to make the call." Fin says as he pulls out his phone.

While Fin makes the call everyone else watches as the protection detail receive it then get up and leave.

"Now we wait." Amaro comments.

"Now we wait." Olivia repeats

"Great, I've never been very patient." Barba comments, not looking to happy.

"That, does not surprise me." Rollins comments.

"I've been told it was a problem." Barba says, not being able to help but remember a particularly memorable time he was told that he needed to be more patient.

 _July 1997_

" _Okay you need to calm down." Alex informed Barba as he paced the apartment while waiting for the results of the bar exam._

" _Maybe you're not worked up enough." Barba said, "How are you so calm?" Barba asked curious as he turned to face her._

" _The quarter of a bottle of scotch I've drank. It makes things pretty mellow." Alex commented as she was pretty sure that if she hadn't drunk as much as she had then she would have been in the middle of an anxiety attack by then._

" _It's eight am." Barba pointed out._

" _It's better than pacing the apartment." Alex told him, "Maybe you should try it." Alex suggests as she heled out the bottle._

" _I'm good." Barba responds, "Why is this taking so long?" he asked._

" _Because it's the mail." Alex answered, "You've got to be patient Rafi. They'll get here when they get here." Alex said as she took another mouthful of what she was drinking._

" _Okay, that's enough." Barba said walking over and taking the scotch of Alex, "Wouldn't want you to be too drunk when the results come."_

" _Right now I'm thinking that would be a very good thing." Alex commented as Barba sat down across from her._

" _Can't argue with that." Barba admitted, "What if we failed?" he asked curious, panic was more than clear in his voice._

" _Then we drain this place of alcohol." Alex said._

" _I'm serious, Lexie." Barba said._

" _And I'm not?" Alex asked, "I don't know what happens if we fail, I can't even think about. All I know is that it is that we did our best, and now we wait as impossibly hard as that is."_

" _I don't think I'm that patient." Barba commented._

" _You do have issues with being patient."_

" _I know." Barba said with a sigh._

* * *

It has been several hours since Fin made the phone call, making it well after midnight, and Olivia, Barba, Fin, Munch, Rollins, Amaro, Carisi and Dodds are glued to the monitors waiting for any sign of Torres.

"I thought she would have fallen asleep by now." Dodds comments.

"Lexie doesn't sleep much on the best nights, there is no way that she is sleeping tonight." Barba says as he looks down at his niece who is sleeping in a stroller next to him.

"What are we going to do if he doesn't show?" Rollins asks.

"We wait until he does." Olivia explains, "We have to assume George is right and that he will show eventually, even if that's not tonight."

"I don't think Lexie will agree to another night." Barba says as he knows that it took Alex a lot to agree to one night, let alone more.

"Even if it means getting this guy?" Carisi asks.

"He put her through hell, doing this, took more than you could know." Barba says.

"You know are we really thinking that this guy would be stupid enough to try again so soon?" Munch asks interested.

"He's not stupid, but he is single-minded." Dodds says, "Sometimes that leads to more mistakes than stupidity, we've just got wait it out."

"We might not have to wait too long." Olivia tells everyone.

"Have you got something?" Barba asks as he moves closer to the monitors while keeping Ella in sight.

"Maybe, there is a figure moving outside." Olivia says.

"Is it him?" Fin asks.

"Not sure yet." Olivia answers and as everyone watches tension fills the room as they wait for something to act on.

"He's heading toward Cabot's room." Amaro notes.

"Or somewhere else." Carisi tells everyone.

"Either way we can't move unless they enter." Olivia informs everyone.

"Then you'll have to be quick." Barba says, not being able to help his fear that they won't get to Alex on time.

"We will be." Olivia assures Barba as she turns to look at him. As everyone watches Barba isn't sure if he wants this to be a false alarm so that Alex is safe or whether he wants it be the real deal so that everything can be over.

"Liv, look." Fins says and everyone watches as the figure entre Alex's room.

"MOVE, MOVE NOW." Olivia says, clearly worried, "Amaro stay with Barba and Ella." Olivia says as everyone runs out.

"Please hurry, Liv." Barba says as everyone leaves and he and Amaro stare at the screens.

* * *

Because she knows how much Alex is counting on her Olivia runs as fast as she can towards Alex's room from the second they leave, not worried that the others are behind her.

"POLICE FREEZE." Olivia yells as she bursts into Alex's room where she finds Torres coming towards Alex with a knife.

"SHE SAID FREEZE." Fin yells as he, Carisi, Rollins, Munch and Dodds also burst in.

"You can't win this one Torres." Olivia says as Torres looks between Alex and the offices, clearly trying to determine whether he has enough time.

"I always win." Torres says as he drops the knife and raises his hands, "You'll see."

"Felix Torres, you are under arrested." Fin says as he and Rollins approached Torres.

"Are you alright?" Olivia asks as she rushes to Alex.

"He didn't get me." Alex says, not answering whether she is okay.

"But I will. You'll always be mine." Torres says as Dodds and Finn cuff him.

"Get him out of here." Olivia says angrily, "We got him Ally, we got him." Olivia says, trying to reassure Alex.

"But it's not over." Alex says and wanting to do something to help Olivia gives Alex a hug. At first Alex tenses but she does relax a few seconds.

* * *

As soon as Barba watches Torres get cuffed up he is out of his chair and is pushing Ella into the hall.

"BARBA." Amaro calls after him but it is no used as Barba isn't listening, "Damn it." Amaro says, as he grabs his crutches so that he can follow, finding it slightly difficult to do so.

* * *

At the same time Barba walks out of the surveillance room Torres is being forced into the hall out of Alex's room.

"Well, well, well, Rafael, I should have known you were somewhere close." Torres says when he sees Barba, "Heard you were the one who found my Alex that was lucky…"

"Don't you dare talk about her!" Barba says rushing towards Torres, but before he can get close enough Finn and Munch have grabbed hold of him and are preventing him from going too far.

"Calm down, man, let it go." Munch says trying to get Barba to calm down.

"Don't let him get to you." Fin says, "You'll be jeopardising the case if you do." Fin says, saying the first thing he can think of that might get through to Barba.

"Right, I'm okay." Barba says after about a minute, "You can let me go." Barba says and Finn and Munch do that. Once Fin and Munch have let him go Barba walks over to Ella, figuring that she will help him stay calm more than anything.

"Wow. That must be my daughter." Torres says stressing the my, as he sees the stroller, "I can't wait to get to know her better." He says with a smirk.

"SHE IS NOT YOUR DAUGHTER! YOU WILL NEVER SPEND TIME WITH HER" Barba yells, completely meaning his words, and once more tries to move towards Torres, and he once more finds himself being heled back.

"BARBA." Olivia's voice yells as he continues to try and fight Fin and Munch, "RAFAEL." She yells as she walks towards him while Dodds and Carisi pull Torres, who is looking very amused, away, "Alex is asking for Ella, and you." Olivia says, "Hey, look at me!" Olivia tells Barba, when she is standing right in front of him, "You can't do this, not now. I know you want to, I want to, but you can't." Olivia says, "You've got to push it down, you've got to keep your head." Olivia says, "Do you think you can do that? For Alex?" She asks, and it seems to Alex's name that finally gets through to Barba.

"Lexie, I can do that." Barba says and Fin and Munch let go of him so that Barba can head into Alex's room with Ella.

"Okay, wow." Rollins says, once Barba is out of the hallway, "I didn't think anything could make Barba lose it." She admits.

"Alex can." Olivia says simply.

* * *

When Barba walks into Alex's room pushing Ella in the stroller as he does he finds Alex sitting in the bed shaking.

"Lexie." Barba says as he walks over to the bed. Once he is close enough he picks up Ella.

"I'm sorry, I can't seem to stop." Alex admits.

"It's okay." Barba assures her, "Can I sit?" Barba asks as seeing how far from okay Alex is Barba knows better than doing anything without Alex's express permission.

"Yeah." Alex says and Barba sits down right next to her. Once he is Alex takes Ella off Barba and gives her a hug.

"Can I put an arm around you?" Barba asks after about a minute as Alex not even holding Ella has helped as Alex is still shaking. In response Alex gives a small nod and Barba puts his arm around her. At first Alex tenses but after a minute she relaxes and leans into his chest, "They've got him Lexie, and for what he's done he will get remand." Barba assures Lexie.

"He can still hurt me." Alex says in a small voice, sounding severally panicked.

"Maybe eventually, but right now he can't." Barba tells Alex, "You're safe Lexie, at least for now."

"Does safe feel like this? I don't remember anymore." Alex admits.

"It does, and you're going to get used to it."

"I don't know if I can." Alex says, her voice barley loud enough to hear.

"You will." Barba tells Alex, "After WITSEC, After the Congo you didn't feel safe, but both times, with time, you felt safe again, and you will this time to."

"I really hope you're right."

"I'm always right." Barba says and Alex manages a small smile at that.

"You keep telling yourself that." Alex comments and the two of them drift into silence, as more time passes Alex slowly stops shaking.

* * *

About half an hour after Barba went into Alex's room Olivia opens the door planning to check on Alex, and Barba and Ella but when she sees the sight that greats her she pauses. Lying on the tiny bed Alex, Barba and Ella are all asleep and when she sees them Olivia can't help but smile as it is the most relaxed she's seen both Alex and Barba in days. As she watches them Olivia realises that as much as she wants to help Alex, and even though there are somethings she can do, the person who can help Alex the most right now is Barba, because more than anything what Alex needs right now is her best friend and the unconditional support that relationship gives her, and so she closes the door behind her, leaving Alex, Barba and Ella alone.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

It has been three days since Torres was arrested, eight days since Alex was attacked, and in that time Torres has been arraigned and just like Barba said he would he was remanded.

It is about ten am and because Alex is being released from the hospital in a few hours Barba is in his office collecting some paperwork he has to do while leaving notes for Casey, who is handling his cases while he's off. Barba is almost finished with everything he has to do when he hears a knock on his door.

"Come in." Barba calls and to his surprise George Huang walks in, "This is a surprise, what can I do for you doctor?" Barba asks.

"There is actually something that I wanted to talk to you about." George admits.

"Okay? Go ahead." Barba says, wondering what it could be.

"I know that Alex is being realised from the hospital today and Olivia told me that she's going to be staying with you." George says.

"Yeah…"

"Well there are some things that you should know, something's that might help." George tells Barba.

"I've lived with Lexie on and off for my entire adult life, there is nothing I don't know about living with her." Barba says, as he looks down at what he was doing before George walked in.

"That is true, but after what happened to her this time will be different." George says, "There are things you need to know which will help you, and Alex, and Ella." George informs Barba.

"I'm listening." Barba says as he looks up at George who has sat down across from him.

"Well, to start with Alex's insomnia and anxiety is going to be a lot worse than it's ever been." George informs Barba, "You're going to have to be patient and do what you can when she has an anxiety attacks; the insomnia on the other hand is very different." George informs Barba, "There might be nothing you can do to help Alex with that but still offer, ask what you can do, and if she goes more than a couple of days without sleeping, call me." George requests.

"Okay."

"What Alex will need the most over the next few weeks is your patients, you're help, and you're acceptance." George explains.

"She has it, she's always had it." Barba says without hesitation.

"Good, but you also have to remember that while you know that she might not always believe it."

"I'll remember that." Barba assures.

"Good." George says as he stands up, "I'm going to be in town for a little while, tell Alex that she can call at any time if she needs, and so can you." George informs Barba.

"Thank you." Barba says and George leaves, leaving Barba to finish his work.

Like he told George Barba has lived with Alex on and off for most of his adult life whether it be when they were actually roommates, or when Alex stayed with him, or even when he stayed with Alex after a minor fire at his apartment complex; so Alex staying with him now isn't a big deal, but as Barba replays George's words in his mind he wonders if he will be able to help. As he thinks about that Barba can't help but remember when Alex first got back from WITSEC and as he does he wonders if she will be as far form okay now as she was then or whether she will be further.

 _September 2006_

 _It had been four days since Barba got a visit from Agent Hammond in his office where he was instructed to go with the agent and once he did he was taken to a safe house where he saw Alex again for the first time in three years._

 _As it was about three am Barba is quiet surprised when he woke and saw a light coming from under his bedroom door. It takes him a minute of wondering who is in his apartment before he realised that it would be Alex and so he got up and headed out there._

 _When Barba walked out into the living area and towards the kitchen Barba was shocked by the sight that he was greeted by as Alex had pulled everything out of the kitchen cupboards and is in the process of clearing them._

" _Lexie?" Barba asked when he was only a few steps away and in a flash she turned around holding a knife up clearly close to attacking, "It's just me, Lexie." Barba said as he raised his hands in an attempt to show her that he's not a threat._

" _Rafi." Alex said as she dropped the knife, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Alex said quickly._

" _It's okay." Barba said as he walks closer to her, "its okay, Lexie." Barba says as he walked the last few steps that separated them and hugged her._

" _I don't know what's wrong with me." Alex admitted as she hugged Barba, and buried her head in his neck._

" _You've spent three years waiting to be found and attacked, again, being a little nervous is normal." Barba assures Alex, "But I have to ask, why is everything that was in my kitchen cabinets no longer in my kitchen cabinets?" Barba asked curious as he and Alex broke apart._

" _I can't sleep, I needed a distraction." Alex admitted._

" _And so you decided to clean?" Barba said surprised._

" _I needed something to focus on." Alex explained._

" _Okay…" Barba said, not sure what else to say as Alex only cleans when she has to._

" _I didn't wake you, did I?" Alex asked worried._

" _No."_

" _Good. There is no reason why you should be up to." Alex told Barba._

" _I don't mind." Barba said, "What's going on, Lexie?"_

" _Don't you have court in a few hours?" Alex asked._

" _And you're changing the subject." Barba told Alex._

" _Technically, but that's only because you need sleep. I know how important this case is to you." Alex told Barba as he had been talking about it for days._

" _And you are important to." Barba informed Alex._

" _Go get some sleep, Rafi. We can worry about me once you win your case, once you have more time."_

" _Nice try, but there will always be another case to worry about, more time doesn't exist." Barba said, "Talk to me Lexie, please."_

" _I don't know if I'm ready for talking." Alex admitted, "But I do want to finish cleaning and organizing all of this." Alex said. At Alex's answer Barba is at a lost for what to do as he had never seen Alex like that._

" _Have you called Olivia? Or anyone else at the 1-6?" Barba asked, having been pretty sure that he already knew the answer._

" _No. That's another thing I'm not ready for." Alex admitted as she attempted to scrub the pan she is cleaning harder._

" _Okay. What about Dinner with Mami? Are you still okay with that?" Barba asked as he raised an eyebrow having decided not to make a comment on Alex's action._

" _Yeah, I think I am." Alex admitted as seeing Lucia is different from seeing Olivia or Elliot or anyone else from the 1-6 as she wasn't there when she was shot or during the trial._

" _Good."_

" _What does she know?" Alex asked curious as she knew that the reunion with Lucia was going to be intense, but could be even more so if Lucia didn't know everything._

" _She knows you're alive, but not that you're back." Barba told Alex as after the Connor's trial, when he found out Alex was alive, he told his mother as he thought she had a right to know._

" _Okay."_

" _Okay." Barba repeated and they both drifted into silence while Alex continued to clean. While Alex did that Barba just watched and after nearly ten minutes Barba headed back to bed, leaving Alex while he thought about what else he could to help her._

"Barba." A voice says snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Casey." Barba says when he looks up and sees her, "What can I do for you?" he asks.

"The Trugan case. Defence has hinted towards a deal, I was thinking man 1, ten to twenty, would that be okay with you?" Casey asks.

"Yeah. That sounds good." Barba admits.

"Good, I'll put it in the works." Casey says, "So, I don't know if you know but McCoy officially said that he is going to be prosecuting Torres and he's asked me to be second chair."

"I know." Barba says, "I'm glad it's you two who's doing this."

"But you would rather that it was your case, that you were the one prosecuting him." Casey says, knowing that for sure, without Barba having to say it.

"Yeah, I would." Barba confirms as he wouldn't trust anyone other than himself prosecute this.

"I should let you get back to work." Casey tells Barba, "Tell Alex I said hi."

"I will." Barba says and Casey leaves.

Once Casey leaves Barba gets back to work, stepping up his pace so that he can get what he has to do sooner so that he can get back to Alex.

* * *

While Barba is finishing his work at the office Olivia is arriving at the hospital so that she can talk to Alex before giving her, Ella and Barba a lift to Barba's place.

When Olivia arrives at Alex's hospital room she knocks on the door and only opens it slightly, "Can I come in?" Olivia asks from the doorway.

"Sure." Alex responds.

"OLIVIA." Ella, who is playing with blocks, says happily when she sees her.

"Hey, Sweetie." Olivia says with a smile, "Hey." Olivia says as she sits down on the edge of Alex's bed.

"Hi." Alex responds.

"How are you feeling today?" Olivia asks curious.

"Fine." Alex answers, "Glad to be getting out of this place though." Alex admits.

"Yeah, it would be nice to get out of here." Olivia comments, "Is Barba meeting us at his or here?" Olivia asks curious.

"Here." Alex says, "I just heard from him and he'll be here soon." Alex explains. After eighteen months of only having disposable pay as you go phones it feels odd to have an actual phone again.

"Good, that's good." Olivia says, "And you're going to be okay staying with Barba, right?" Olivia asks as considering everything Alex has been through she wants to make sure that Alex is okay with that.

"I'll be fine." Alex says, honestly not sure about that as she isn't sure whether she will be okay staying with anyone, but she knows that even with everything that's happened she trusts Barba, she's always trusted him.

"Well if you're not or if you ever want to talk or anything, just call. You're always welcome at my place, you and Ella both." Olivia informs Alex, wanting to show Alex that no matter what they are still friends.

"Thank you, Olivia."

"You don't have to thank me." Olivia responds.

* * *

About half an hour after he spoke to Casey Barba is on his way back to the hospital. As he sits in the back of the taxi Barba stares out the window he can't help but think about even after Alex moved out after WITSEC she wasn't herself which caused her to make a lot of not so good decisions.

 _May 2007_

 _After she said goodbye to Jim Steele Alex walked to one of the spare bedrooms. As he saw her go Barba followed her and walked into the room where he found that Alex had sat on the bed._

" _So, Steele or Sheldon?" Barba asked curious as he closed the door._

" _That's the question." Alex commented._

" _Do you want my opinion?" Barba asked curious as he walked over and sat next to Alex._

" _You'll give it even if I say no, so sure." Alex said, having known Barba well enough to know that, honestly she was surprised that he asked._

" _You've got to make a choice Lexie, Steele or Sheldon."_

" _What about neither? Is that an option?" Alex asked._

" _Of course it is, it always is" Barba said, "Chose one, chose neither, hell go and finally tell Olivia that you're back and start things up again if that's what you want." Barba explained "But you need to choose, you need to do that for yourself."_

" _I don't know what to do." Alex said as she linked her arm around Barba's and rested her head on his shoulder, "What should I do, Rafi?"_

" _I can't answer that, Lexie. You're the only one who knows what you want." Barba informed Alex, "But we both know that you can't marry someone if you don't really want to." Barba said, "The question is what do you want, Lexie?"_

" _I don't know." Alex admitted._

" _Then I think maybe you have your answer."_

Alex never made it down the aisle and she never attempted to have a relationship with Jim Steele, which in Barba's opinion was the best decision that she could have made for herself at the time. It took a while but Alex slowly started to become her old self again, although it wasn't until after she started working with SVU again that Alex was truly back to her old self. As Barba stares out of the taxi window Barba hopes that no matter how long it takes that Alex is once more her old self again, or that at least she is okay.

* * *

Almost fifteen minutes later Barba arrives at the hospital and when he does he heads straight to Alex's room.

When Barba arrives at Alex's room he finds Oliva and Alex talking.

"Tío Rafi." Ella says happily, being the first person to spot Barba.

"Pequeña." Barba greats, "Lexie, Liv."

"Just your briefcase, I was expecting you to come back with a box full of work for you to do." Alex tells Barba as she notices what he is carrying.

"That's what email is for." Barba responds.

"Good point."

"Why don't I go find the doctor and see about breaking you out of here." Olivia says as she stands up.

"Sure." Alex responds and Olivia leaves.

"So, I'm pretty sure that Mami will be at the apartment when we get there." Barba informs Alex, "Probably making us lunch and dinner."

"I would be more surprised if she wasn't there." Alex admits.

"Honestly so would I." Barba confirms, "Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah." Alex confirms.

"Good." Barba says and Olivia walks back in with the doctor.

"So Alex, let's see about getting you out of here." The Doctor says, "Olivia, Rafael why don't you take Ella and wait outside for a few minutes because I have to check to see how Alex's wounds are healing."

"It's okay." Alex assures Olivia and Barba.

"Okay, we'll be right outside." Barba says as Olivia walks over to Ella and picks her up.

"So, how's your pain?" The Doctor asks Alex once Olivia, Barba and Ella leave.

"Not too bad, some aching everywhere. My ribs still hurt a bit, same with my arm and my stomach when I try to move too much." Alex explains as the doctors have been getting her to go on walks ever day to try and get her used to being mobile.

"That's too be expecting. Is it a lot of pain?" The doctor asks.

"No."

"Okay. and have you experienced any dizziness, blurred vision, migraines or severe headaches?"

"No." Alex once more answers.

"Okay. I'm going to have a look at your wounds that required stiches to make sure there is no sign of infection, that means I'm going to have to lift your shirt up, or you'll have to lift it up for me, are you okay with that?" The doctor asks.

"Okay." Alex says as she lifts her shirt, honestly she isn't complete okay with it but she knows that the doctor has to inspect her wounds otherwise she won't be able to go and she just wants it over done quickly.

For the next few minutes the doctor inspects Alex's various wounds while Alex does her best to ignore the growing fear that she is feeling.

"Okay I'm done." The doctor says and Alex puts her shirt back down, "Everything looks good but if you see any signs of infection go to your doctor or come back here."

"I will." Alex confirms, "Does that mean I can go?" she asks.

"Yes, you can, but take it easy for at least a week." The doctor instructs, "I'll just finish up your discharge paperwork then you can go." The doctor informs Alex.

"Thank you." Alex says and the doctor nods and leaves the room, as she does Alex swings her legs around so that she is sitting on the edge of the bed, being glad that she changed into sweat pants and a t-shirt.

Less than a minute after the doctor leaves the door opens once more and Barba and Olivia, who is holding Ella, walk back in.

"So, what's the verdict?" Barba asks curious.

"I'm being discharged." Alex says.

"That's great. I'll go pull the car around." Olivia says, as she hands Ella to Alex.

"Liv, wait." Alex says before she can leave, "I don't have a car seat for Ella here."

"I have Noah's in the back of my car, it's the right size for Ella too." Olivia explains as she thought of that too, not sure what to say in response Alex just gives a nod, "Like I said, I'll meet you two out front." Olivia says before leaving the room.

"So I went to the apartment last night and grabbed the emergency bags and the other things that are important to you or just belong to you and took them to mine. I figured you didn't care about anything else and that you didn't want to go there again so I gave the keys back." Barba tells Alex as he walks over and sits down next to her.

"I don't, thanks for doing that." Alex says gratefully.

"You don't have to thank me, you know that." Barba tells Alex,

"I know, I do, but I am." Alex tells Barba, "And thanks for letting Ella and I stay."

"Now that you definitely don't have to thank me for. Didn't we decide a long time ago that my home is your home and vice versa?"

"Yeah, we did."

"Then it's your place too, and Ella's." Barba says and before Alex can respond the doctor walks back in pushing a wheelchair.

"I'm not being pushed in that, I can walk." Alex tells the doctor.

"You have to, it's hospital policy." The doctor says.

"Fine." Alex says with a sigh.

"Here's your discharge letter. Hold onto that." The doctor says as she hands an envelope over.

"I will." Alex says in response as she moves Ella off her lap and onto the bed. After bracing herself for a second Alex stands and walks the two steps to the wheelchair where she sits down, "Ella, do you want to ride on my lap while Tío Rafi pushes the chair?" Alex asks her daughter.

"YES." Ella says happily.

"I'm pushing, am I?" Barba asks as he helps Ella from the bed to Alex's lap.

"Well, yeah." Alex says, "I thought it was kind of obvious."

"Yeah, guess it is." Barba says as he picks up the bag that he brought of some stuff for Alex and puts that over his shoulder, "Guess this is goodbye doctor, thank you for everything you've done."

"It's my job." The doctor says with a nod and Barba pushes Alex and Ella out of the room, honestly both Alex and Barba are quiet happy to say goodbye to the hospital room.

* * *

Half an hour later Alex, Olivia, Barba and Ella arrive at Barba's apartment complex.

"If you need help I'll be right next to you." Olivia says to Alex quietly as Alex is in the passenger seat while Barba is in the back with Ella.

"Thank you." Alex responds, just as quietly.

"I've got Ella." Barba says from the back and the three adults and one toddler get out the car, Alex doing so with slight difficultly, and make their way into the building. For Alex's sake both Olivia and Barba are walking slightly slower than normal and even though she won't admit that Alex is thankful for that as she is determine to try and get up to the apartment without help.

After several difficult minutes for Alex she, Barba, Ella and Olivia arrive at the elevator and once they do Alex leans against the wall being thankful for the rest. When they arrive at the floor that Barba's apartment is on Alex attempts to stand up straight but nearly falls, in fact she would have if Olivia didn't steady her.

"Are you alright?" Olivia asks concerned.

"I think so." Alex says as she takes a step forward, Olivia being sure that she is in the perfect position to help if Alex starts to fall again.

"I'll go get the door open." Barba says once Alex and Olivia walk out of the elevator.

"Good idea." Olivia says and Barba walks faster, "Take as long as you need and I'm right here if you need help." Olivia informs Alex.

"I know, but I want to try and do this myself." Alex says, feeling weak because she can't even walk down the hallway.

"Okay." Olivia says, understanding why Alex would want that.

It takes several minutes but Alex does manage to walk to Barba's apartment by herself. When she walks in she finds Barba, Ella and Lucia waiting.

"Lexie." Lucia says happily walking over and hugging her. Because Alex knew that was coming she was able to prepare herself and as such didn't flinch as much as she has been.

"Hi Mami." Alex says as she awkwardly returns the hug.

"Lunch is almost ready." Lucia informs Alex as the break apart, "And Olivia, you're staying." Lucia informs her there being no question in her voice.

"I…" Olivia starts to say but Barba cuts her off.

"That wasn't a question." He explains.

"Then that sounds great." Olivia says as Alex makes her way over to the couch.

"Good." Lucia says, "Lexie, Rafi I also put some meals in the freezer for you and stocked up the fridge." Lucia informs Alex and Barba.

"You didn't have to do that, Mami." Barba says.

"You had no food here." Lucia informs her son as the few items of food that her son did have were expired

"I was going to get some shopping delivered." Barba says in his defence.

"Well now you don't have to." Lucia says, and Barba and Alex exchange looks.

"That's great, thank you Mami." Alex says.

"Yeah, thanks." Barba adds, "What can I do to help?" Barba asks his mother.

"Wash your hands and keep an eye on the sauce." Lucia tells her son and he does just that while Olivia walks over and sits next to Alex, who is watching Ella play.

"Was that too much?" Olivia asks Alex.

"No." Alex answers, "Thank you for everything you've done, Liv."

"Like I said you don't have to thank me for that." Olivia responds and she an Alex drift into silence while watching Ella as Barba and Lucia cook in the kitchen.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

 **AN1:** For everyone wondering the next chapter has a flashback of what happened between Liv and Alex.

* * *

A few hours later Alex, Barba and Ella are the only ones in the apartment as both Olivia and Lucia had to get back to work.

"Ella's down for her nap." Barba says walking back into the living room where Alex is still on the couch as he offered to put Ella down so that Alex didn't have to get up.

"Good, that's good." Alex says, "Did she go off alright?"

"Yep, I didn't even finish the story." He explains.

"Good." Alex says.

"So…" Barba says as he moves Alex's leg's, sits down and then puts Alex's legs over his, "How are you doing, really?" Barba asks his best friend.

"I honestly don't know the answer to that." Alex admits.

"Do you want to talk?" Barba asks.

"Definitely not." Alex answers.

"Okay, well in that case I have a surprise." Barba says, knowing better than pushing Alex before reaching over and grabbing the TV remote, "So when you told me to go home the other day I spent some time on Netflix and added every show and movie that we talked about watching together or have watched together to the list." He explains as he gets to the Netflix app on the TV.

"Really?" Alex asks surprised.

"Yeah, I figure it would give us a distraction." Barba explains, "Or at least something to help with the boredom when Ella is sleeping."

"That sounds great." Alex says actually meaning that.

"Good." Barba says as he presses play on the first movie he put on the list.

* * *

After having Lunch with Alex, Barba, and Lucia Olivia returned to the precinct where she has been ever since. It has been a few hours since she arrived back and ever since she has been sitting in her office catching up on paperwork, which is exactly what she is doing when she hears a knock on her door.

"Come in." Olivia calls and Finn walks in, closing the door behind him.

"How's Alex?" Fin asks as he sits down across from Olivia.

"She's home, or at least at Barba's." Olivia explains, "She's doing better, I think. She's not okay, but better."

"That's good." Fin says meaning that, "Do you think she'll testify when the time comes?"

"I honestly don't know." Olivia admits, as she hasn't brought that up with Alex and she is pretty sure that Barba hasn't either, "Right now I think she's just trying to get through each day, which you can't blame her for."

"No, I can't." Fin responds, "I would like to go see her at some point, talk. Do you think Alex is up for visitors?" Fin asks curious.

"No, at least not yet." Olivia answers, "I'll talk and let you know when she is."

"That would be good." Fin says, "Torres has to pay, Casey and McCoy better get a conviction because he has to pay for hurting our girl."

"There is a good chance they will." Olivia says, "I honestly don't know what I'll do if they don't." she admits.

"What it will do to Alex is what I'm worried about." Fin says and he and Olivia drift into silence, both of them thinking about the horrible possibility of Torres not getting convicted.

* * *

Not even half an hour after Barba pressed play on the first movie on the Netflix list Alex is fast asleep. Due to the fact that Alex's legs are over him Barba can't move without risking waking Alex and so he goes between watching the TV and watching Alex.

Over the past twenty five years Barba has watched Alex sleep many times, and as he watches her now Barba knows that even in her sleep she is far from relaxed. For twenty five years he and Alex have been friends, they have looked out for each other, been there for each other and have always been willing to help, no matter what.

 _June 1991_

 _It was the summer between Alex and Barba's first and second year at Harvard and Alex was spending time with her family in the Hamptons but she also spent time in the city with Barba and his family._

" _I am going to owe you forever for this." Alex informed Barba as they stood at the end of a driveway, both of them were dressed in nice clothes for a party._

" _I don't mind, really." Barba assured Alex._

" _You won't be saying that in a few hours." Alex informed Barba, "Trust me. These parties are horrible."_

" _Then why are you going? Why did you call me and ask me to join you?" Barba asked curious as he knows for a fact that Alex has avoided going to some parties so he wonders why she didn't just do that this time._

" _Because my mother said I am going, no matter what, and that I was to bring someone with me." Alex explained._

" _Really?" Barba asked having been surprised by that._

" _Yep. Her exact words were; 'You are bringing someone with you Alexandra, even if they are just a friend like Rafael'." Alex explained, making her voice sound like her mothers._

" _I guess I must have made a good impression on your parents then." Barba commented as he met Alex's parents at the beginning of the summer._

" _You really did." Alex confirmed, "They love you." Alex told Barba, as even though she would never admit it without a lot of alcohol in her system Alex was pretty sure that her father would have preferred to have Barba as a son rather than her as a daughter, "We should go, trust me we don't want to be late."_

" _Lead the way." Barba requested and he and Alex link arms and walked towards the house._

" _Names." A person standing on the veranda asked when Alex and Barba arrived there a few minutes later._

" _Alexandra Cabot, and my plus one Rafael Barba." Alex answered._

" _Of course, it's good to see you again Ms Cabot." The person says and Alex and Barba walked inside._

" _Does everyone here know you?" Barba asked curious._

" _No me, no. No of me, yes." Alex answered._

" _Interesting." Barba commented as Alex's parents walked over to them._

" _Rafael, it's good to see you again." Alex's father told Barba, it being clear that he was happy to see her._

" _Mr Cabot, it's good to see you." Barba responded as he shock Alex's father's hand._

" _I've told you, call me Alexander."_

" _Alexander."_

" _I'm glad you're her. There are actually some people that I want you to meet." Alexander informs Barba._

" _Um, Dad, can that wait? I've just seen some friends from school that Rafi and I should talk to." Alex informs her father, having lied but she had a reason for doing so._

" _Of course. Catch up with me later Rafael, there are some people who would really like to talk to you." Alexander says as before walking away with Alex's mother._

" _Friends from school?" Barba questioned Alex, "We don't have any friends from school."_

" _True." Alex admitted, "The people Dad wants you to talk to are interesting and you should talk to them, but not until they've had a drink, which means you should talk to them in ten minutes." Alex explains._

" _Okay." Barba said, trusting Alex's judgment as it was Alex's world, not his._

" _Okay." Alex said with a nod, "So, do you know what is the best things about these parties?"_

" _I'm guessing not the people." Barba responded._

" _Correct." Alex said amused, "The best part is that there is an open Bar that never checks ID's." Alex explained, "So Rafi, can I buy you a drink?"_

" _Sure." Barba said in response and they both walked over to the bar._

* * *

 _A few hours after they got those first drinks Alex and Barba were walking back along the beach, Alex was holding her shoes. They were on their way back to Alex's family place._

" _So, what did you think of your first Hamptons party?" Alex asked curious._

" _It was interesting."_

" _That's a very good way to describe it." Alex commented, "I'm really glad you were hear Rafi. Things are better when you're around." Alex admitted._

" _I'm really glad I was here too." Barba said in response as he linked his arm with Alex's while they walked._

" _So, when are your parents expecting you home?" Alex asked after a few minutes of them walking in silence._

" _Day after tomorrow." Barba answered._

" _Then tomorrow I'm going to show you some of my favourite places." Alex revealed._

" _Really?"_

" _Yep, it will be great." Alex said with a grin and once more they continued to walk, with linked arms, in silence._

While he is reliving past memories Barba suddenly hears the sounds of cries coming from the room that Ella is asleep in so being as careful as possible in an attempt not to wake Alex, Barba moves himself of the couch so that he can go and check on his niece.

* * *

When Barba walks in the room that is always Alex's and has become Alex and Ella's since she was born he finds Ella sitting up in her crib and crying.

"I'm here, Pequeña." Barba says as he walks over to her. As soon as Ella sees her Uncle she stops crying.

"Hi." Ella says.

"Hi." Barba responds, "So your Mommy is asleep right now so you're going to have to be quiet, can you do that?" Barba asks.

"Yes." Ella says happily.

"Good girl." Barba says and he picks up Ella and takes her out into the living room.

* * *

Almost an hour later Barba is sitting at the table doing paperwork while he watches Ella play when he hears noises coming from the couch. Looking over Barba sees Alex tossing and turning, almost throwing herself off the couch, while muttering to herself.

"Lexie." Barba says as he rushes to Alex's side, "Lexie, wake up." Barba says once he is by Alex's side.

"No, stop, please don't." Alex says, clearly still asleep.

"Lexie, wake up." Barba says as he attempts to shake Alex awake. The second he touches her Alex bolts upright with a look of complete terror on her face, "It's okay, Lexie. It's okay." Barba says, putting his hands up, making sure that he's not touching her.

"Rafi." Alex says, it being like she is only just noticing her surroundings.

"Yeah, it's me. You're okay, you're safe." Barba assures Alex.

"Safe…" Alex says disbelieving.

"Yeah, safe." Barba confirms.

"Mommy." Ella says, having walked over from where she was playing.

"Hey, Sweetie." Alex says to her daughter, pretending to be okay so that she doesn't worry her.

"Okay?" Ella asks curious.

"I will be." Alex says as she picks up her daughter.

Seeing that Ella is helping Alex to calm down Barba gets up and walks to the bathroom where he grabs a towel which he brings back to Alex.

"Here." Barba says handing the towel over to Alex who is drenched in sweat.

"Thanks." Alex says, gratefully.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Barba asks as he sits down on the coffee table.

"No." Alex answers in a second as she attempts to dry herself with the towel.

"Okay. Well if you change your mind, no matter when, let me know." Barba says.

"I will." Alex says, although she doesn't expect that to change any time soon.

"So, Ella, Abuelita brought some chocolate cake over, do you want some?" Barba asks, feeling like changing the subject would be best for Alex.

"Yes!"

"Lexie, would you like some?" Barba asks curious, although he is pretty sure that he could guess the answer.

"Your Mom's chocolate cake, definitely." Alex answers as Lucia's chocolate cake may be one of her favourite foods ever.

"Okay." Barba says before heading to the kitchen.

While Barba goes to get the cake Alex sits on the couch and tires to forces herself to relax, while doing so she attempts to focus on good things, Ella and the cake she is about to eat. The reason while Alex is focusing on the cake is because it is something both she and Barba have always liked, something that she associates with a lot of good times though also some bad.

 _July 2001_

 _It was a Saturday and because he had a bad week Barba has shut himself in his room in his apartment._

" _Rafi, it's me. Can I come in?" Alex asked as she knocked on the door to his bedroom having used her key to enter the apartment._

" _If you have to." Barba's voice responded and Alex walked in the room where she found that Barba had hid himself underneath his blanket and so she walked over and sat on the edge of the bed._

" _If you come out from under there I'll give you what I've brought you." Alex told Barba._

" _What's that?" Barba asked curious, having not moved from beneath his blanket._

" _Come out and see." Alex said and reluctantly Barba moved the blanket off his face._

" _Is that you're left over birthday cake?" Barba asked surprised when he saw what Alex was holding._

" _Yep, Mami's amazing chocolate cake, which means you know how big of a deal it is for me to do this." Alex said as she handed the cake over._

" _Really?" Barba asked surprised as he accepted the cake._

" _Yeah, you need it more than me." Alex said as she climbed over Barba and sat next to him, "Everyone loses cases sometimes, Rafi."_

" _I know, it's just….."_

" _Just?" Alex asked, having gently prodded him to get him to continue with what he was saying._

" _I really didn't want to lose this one." Barba admitted._

" _I know." Alex said as she reached over and grabbed Barba's hand, "I'm sorry, Rafi."_

" _Me too." Barba responded and they drifted into silence._

" _Has you talked to him?" Alex asked curious after a few minutes of silence._

" _Not since our fight." Barba said, "This is really good cake." Barba said as he took a bite, it was clear that he didn't want to talk about what was going on with him._

" _Okay, I get it, you don't want to talk." Alex said, "You shouldn't spend all day in bed, so what would you like to do?" He asked curious._

" _I don't know." Barba said, "Talk to me once I finish this."_

" _Will do." Alex said amused._

* * *

Hours after her conversation with Fin Olivia is finishing the last of her paperwork in her office when she hears a knock on her door.

"Come in." Olivia says and to her surprise Casey walks in, "Casey, what's going on?" Olivia asked.

"I just got a visit from Lionel Granger, he's…."

"Representing Torres." Olivia finishes.

"Yeah, he just dropped this off at my office." Casey says, handing a file over to Olivia.

"You have got to be kidding me." Olivia says angrily once she opens the file and reads the first few lines.

"I wish I was." Casey says the anger and disappointment being clear in her voice.

"Come on. We've got to tell Alex and Barba." Olivia says, standing up and grabbing everything she needs.

"I'm right behind you." Casey says and the two of them leave Olivia's office.

* * *

Hours after eating cake together, when unknown to them Casey and Olivia are arriving downstairs, Alex and Barba are having dinner together having already fed Ella and put her to bed.

"Are we expecting anyone?" Alex asks as the intercom buzzes, doing her best to try and keep her anxiety at bay while Barba walks over to the intercom.

"No." Barba answers, "Hello." Barba asks pressing the button on the intercom.

"It's Liv and Casey. We've got something you need to see." Olivia's voice responds.

"Come right up." Barba says as he and Alex exchange looks, it being clear that both of them are worried about what Casey and Olivia could have to show them.

For the next few minutes Alex and Barba are quiet until they start to hear footsteps in the corridor. As soon as they do Alex finds herself shaking in fear.

"Lexie, it's just Liv and Casey." Barba says as he notices the shaking, but as soon as there is a knock on the door Alex runs out of the room, "LEXIE." Barba calls after her and he is about to follow when there is another knock and so he walks over and answers it, "Hi." Barba says as he opens the door and lets Olivia and Casey in, having heard Alex's door shut as he did.

"Is everything okay?" Olivia asks as she and Casey enter as they were able to hear Barba call for Alex from the hall.

"No. Lexie had a bad reaction when she heard your footsteps, she ran out of here when you knocked." Barba explains.

"Do you know where she went?" Olivia asks, worry in her voice.

"Her room, I think." Barba answers.

"I'll try talking to her." Olivia says heading towards the bedrooms.

"Would you like a drink?" Barba asks Casey curious, being worried about Alex but knowing that Olivia will be able to help her.

"Sure."

"So, how much am I going to hate whatever is in that file?" Barba asks curious.

"More than a lot." Casey answers, "Sorry about interrupting dinner."

(Line break)

"Alex, it's me." Olivia says as she stands at the door, being sure not to knock so that she doesn't scare Alex again, "Can I come in?"

"Sure." Alex's voice responds.

When Olivia walks in the room she finds Alex sitting on the bed, still shaking. Being careful to move slowly Olivia walks over and sits next to her, being careful not to touch her.

"What just happened Alex?" Olivia asks after about a minute of sitting in silence.

"I heard your footsteps." Alex says her voice barley above a whisper, "That was the last thing I heard before he broke the door."

"And when you heard us you remembered that." Olivia realises.

"And even though you just knocked it sounded like the door being broke in." Alex admits, feeling ashamed to do so as she knew it was just Olivia and Casey, she shouldn't have been afraid and yet she was.

"That's normal, Alex." Olivia tells her.

"Will it ever stop?" Alex asks, feeling like if anyone knows then it will be Olivia.

"Eventually, but it's going to take time, and help." Olivia tells Alex.

"Intellectually I know that, but I just don't see it ever happening." Alex admits.

"May I take your hand?" Olivia asks and Alex gives a small nod so Olivia reaches out and takes Alex's hand, "As impossible as it feels right now you will get through this will get better and I'll be right here to help." Olivia promises.

"That means everything to me." Alex informs Olivia and they drift into silence.

"So, Casey and I came here for a reason, there is something you need to see. Do you think you are ready to see it?" Olivia asks Alex after about ten minutes of silence.

"I guess." Alex says, honestly not sure if she is.

"Okay." Olivia says and the two of them walk out into the lounge room, Alex having not let go of Olivia's hand.

* * *

"Do you think Alex will be okay?" Casey asks Barba curious.

"I hope so." Barba answers as he and Casey hear the bedroom door open. A few seconds later Alex and Olivia walk out, "Are you alright?" Barba asks Alex once he walks over to her and Olivia.

"I don't know." Alex admits and Barba just gives her a supportive smile as the fact that Alex admitted that is a good sign, "What happened?" She asks Casey, trying to force herself to be okay even though she's not.

"Lionel Granger came by my office today, he dropped this off." Casey says before walking over and handing Alex the file that she showed to Olivia earlier.

So that she can open the file Alex is forced to let go of Olivia's hand. The second she does she very much wishes that she didn't have to.

"Lexie, what is it?" Barba asks concerned as he sees Alex's face drain of colour and a look of horror appear.

"A notice of intent to file for custody of Ella." Alex reveals, looking right at Barba, both pain and compete horror in her voice


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

"No. Not going to happen." Barba says, it being clear that he isn't going to let that happen, "He's not going to get his hands on Ella." Barba promises.

"Once he files it won't be up to us, it will be up to the courts." Olivia informs Alex, Casey and Barba, knowing that they all know that but at the same time that considering how personal it is that they may need the reminder.

"Why hasn't he filed yet? Why did he give me the intent to file?" Casey asks.

"Because he wants to make a deal." Alex says, "He's willing, this is his way of showing that."

"He's desperate." Olivia realises, "He knows how much evidence there is." Olivia comments.

"He is, and he wants to try and use Ella, to get what he wants" Barba says, it being clear how angry he is about that.

"Well we can't let him." Casey says.

"Give him what he wants." Alex says and she gets three shocked looks in return.

"Alex…." Olivia starts to say.

"Give him whatever deal he wants, as long as it includes him terminating his parental rights, that's all that matters." Alex tells Casey, completely meaning her words as even with how terrified she is of Torres she is more afraid of him getting anywhere near Ella and she will do everything in her power to stop that, even if that means Torres not paying for what he did to her, "I need to go check on my daughter." Alex says before walking away.

"She can't be serious." Casey says, shocked.

"She is." Barba confirms, knowing that because he knows Alex.

"After everything that Torres did to her how can she be okay with him getting a deal?" Casey asks, not understanding that.

"She's not okay with it." Olivia says, knowing that as like Barba she knows Alex, "But it's what she'll do because it's what she believes is best for her daughter."

"You can't agree." Casey says surprised.

"I don't, but I understand." Olivia says, "I'll talk to her." Olivia says before heading back to Alex's room.

"I need another drink." Barba says, in truth he needs about ten, but one is a good way to start.

* * *

When Olivia walks in Alex's room she finds Alex standing over Ella's crib, watching her daughter and so she walks over and stands next to her. As Alex tenses as she approaches Olivia knows that Alex knows she is there.

"You used to say it was your job to speak for the victims." Olivia says after about a minute, "Well a trial, testifying, is your chance to speak for yourself, to tell everyone what he did, to get the justice for yourself that you got for so many others."

"I can't let him get near Ella." Alex says before turning and looking at Olivia, "You get that, don't you?"

"I do." Olivia confirms, thinking about what she was willing to do to keep Jonny D away from Noah, "But him filing doesn't mean he'll win."

"Doesn't it? How many cases have we seen or know about where the court gives the rights to the biological father, no matter what he did." Alex asks as usually she has faith in the legal system but when it comes to this kind of thing she doesn't.

"A lot." Olivia confirms, "But there are a lot of things on your side Alex."

"There are a lot of things against me too." Alex tells Olivia, being able to see both sides of the legal argument, "I won't let him get anywhere near Ella."

"I understand that Alex, I really do." Olivia says, "But what you've got to ask yourself is if you'll be able to live with yourself if Torres gets a deal that puts him back out on the streets."

"If he has his way I won't have to for long." Alex comments before she can stop herself.

"Don't joke about that." Olivia says, pain in her voice as it is clear that it is painful for her to think about that.

"I'm not joking…sorry." Alex says, realising what affects her words would have had on Olivia.

"That's even more reason not to give in." Olivia says, "Fight him Alex. Between you and Barba, and whoever helped you with family court to give Barba rights, you can think of something that will stop him. You'll think of a way to protect Ella and keep him off the streets." Olivia tells Alex, knowing that without a doubt.

"I don't know if I have that much fight left in me." Alex admits as she once more avoids looking at Olivia.

"Well then it's a good thing you're not fighting alone." Olivia says, "You've got me Alex, I'll fight for you, and Ella, and so will Barba, and Casey and Fin and everyone else at the precinct. You're not fighting him alone anymore and none of us will let him get near Ella." Olivia says, "Don't let him win. You know how much testifying helps, you've seen it countless times. Putting him away will help you move on and it will help to make sure he doesn't get any visitation rights." Olivia explains, "Just think about it, think about what you want, what you can handle, and what you'll be able to live with." Olivia says and she and Alex drift into silence.

As she thinks about everything Olivia just said to her Alex realises just how grateful she is to Olivia and as she does she can't help but think back to three years ago, to the last conversation she and Olivia had before she left for Philadelphia.

 _April 22_ _nd_ _2012_

 _Having gone for drinks with Fin, Munch, Melinda, George Huang and Cragen to say goodbye to both George and Alex who were leaving town Alex and Olivia had gone back to Olivia's apartment so that they could say their proper goodbye in private._

" _So, you're really doing this?" Olivia asks as she and Alex walked into her apartment._

" _Yeah, I am." Alex confirmed as she and Olivia both removed their jackets and walked over to the couch._

" _Why?" Olivia asks._

" _We've already talked about this." Alex told Olivia._

" _Tell me again. I want to understand." Olivia admitted as after everything Alex had been through she didn't understand why she would leave, not now at least._

" _I…I just need a fresh start." Alex admitted, "I love New York, it's my Home, and there was I time where I thought once I was back I would never leave." Alex revealed, "But I just need some time away. I need to work somewhere else for a while." Alex said before reaching out and taking Olivia's hand, "I know I'm leaving you again, and I'm sorry, but I need to do this for me, to figure out who I am, and I can't ask you to wait while I try and figure that out. It's not fair." Alex said having felt like she could been with Olivia forever and that honestly scared her, which was part of the reason why she was leaving._

" _I would." Olivia says, "After all these years I would wait, I'd even go with you if you asked."_

" _You love New York. It wouldn't be fair to you to leave it because of me." Alex said, "I love you too much to ask you to wait, or to force you to choose between the city and job you love and me just because I can't be here right now."_

" _I love you too." Oliva said as she let go of Alex's hand so that she could reach out and put Alex's hair behind her ear, "Don't completely disappear on me Ally, call this time, and keep in contact."_

" _I will." Alex promises and both she and Olivia lean in, their lips having met in the middle._

Things seemed so much simpler back then, so different and because of that it seems like a distant memory of a much simpler time. As she thinks about it Alex realises that that night might have been the last time that she truly felt like herself, that it was close to being the last time she felt safe. As she thinks about that Alex realises that she misses that.

"Alex?" Olivia asks concerned as for about fifteen minutes Alex has been quiet.

"I'll fight him." Alex says looking at Olivia, "I'll testify."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Alex confirms, "But I don't know if I'm strong enough."

"You're stronger than you realise Ally, trust me." Olivia says.

"I do." Alex says as she reaches out and grabs Olivia's hand.

"Are you ready to go back out there?" Olivia asks curious.

"Yeah, I think I am." Alex answers and she and Olivia head out of the room.

* * *

Ever since Alex walked out of the room and Olivia followed Barba has been drinking while he pacing, it being clear to Casey, who is sitting at the table, that he is worried about Alex.

"Why don't you go in there?" Casey suggests, being pretty sure that she is getting dizzy from watching Barba.

"Because Olivia is helping her right now." Barba explains as he hears the door open as soon as he hears it Barba rusher over to where Alex and Barba are walking out of the room, "May I hug you?" Barba asks his best friend.

"Yes." Alex answers and Barba hugs her, after tensing at first Alex relaxes and leans into the hug.

"We'll get through this Lexie, we won't let him win." Barba whispers as he hugs Alex.

"Thank you." Alex says in response.

"So, do you still want me to make that deal?" Casey asks once Barba and Alex break apart.

"No." Alex answers, "I'm going to fight." She reveals.

"Good choice." Casey says, "But in that case you should call whoever filed the custody papers with the court that you already have, get started working on a defence."

"That would be Trevor Langan." Barba explains.

"Really?" Olivia asks surprised as she knows some of the history that Alex, Barba and Trevor have, though she doesn't know everything.

"There might be some mutual anger, and at times dislike, between us but there is also respect." Alex explains.

"And when it comes to doing what's best for his clients there is nothing Langan won't do which is what we needed for Ella." Barba adds, leaving out that they also needed someone they could trust and Trevor is one of very few people who is on that list.

"I'll call tomorrow." Alex explains.

"Good." Casey says, "I'll let you guys back to dinner."

"Would you like to stay?" Barba asks offering to be polite.

"Nah, it's okay. I have plans." Casey says before leaving.

"What about you, Liv?" Barba asks.

"I should be getting home to Noah, but thanks." Olivia says, "If you need anything just call." She tells Alex, "I'll come by tomorrow if that's alright with you."

"I'd like that." Alex answers.

"I'll see you then." Olivia says heading towards the door, "See you Barba." She says before leaving.

"You'll get through this, Lexie, and I'll do whatever I can to help." Barba promises.

"I know you will, and thank you for that, Rafi."

"Stop thanking me for doing for you what you'd do for me." Barba tells Alex.

"I'll try."

* * *

Hours later, well after he and Alex both went to bed Barba gets up to get a drink and when he does he sees the doors to the balcony open and Alex sitting out there so he heads out there to.

"Lexie." Barba says as he stands at the door, not wanting to scare Alex.

"Rafi." Alex says simply as she continues to stare at everything around them.

"What are you doing out here?" Barba asks as he sits next to Alex and notices the baby monitor that is next to her.

"I wanted to smell the city, watch it." Alex explains.

"You always did like doing that." Barba comments as he can't count the amount of times he has found Alex sitting on a roof, or balcony, or next to an open window in the middle of the night.

"That's because it never changes, no matter what New York always smells the same." Alex explains.

'Huh, guess you're right." Barba realises, "Do you want to talk about why you're not sleeping?" Barba asks curious.

"You know the answer to that." Alex says.

"I do, but that doesn't change my question."

"No, I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay."

"But, can you stay anyway?" Alex asks as honestly she wanted Barba to join her out on the balcony but she didn't want to be a bother by asking.

"Sure." Barba answers and he makes himself comfortable right next to Alex while the two of them sit into silence. Alex finding comfort in the mere fact that he best friend is next to her.

* * *

Alex and Barba spend almost an hour sitting on the balcony together before they both headed to bed Barba managed to fall straight to sleep but for Alex it took longer and she didn't sleep for long which is why when Barba wakes up he finds that coffee has been made, the files he brought home have been organized on half of the table, and Alex has heated up some of the food that Lucia made.

"How long have you been up?" Barba asks when he sees how much Alex has done.

"About an hour." Alex says while she watches Ella up.

"You organized my paperwork?" Barba asks surprised.

"I needed something to do." Alex explains, "I needed something to distract me."

"Well, you know my books and DVD's could do with some organization." Barba informs Alex as he pours himself a cup of coffee.

"I'll remember that." Alex says as Barba sits down at the table, "So within the hour Trevor should be in his office." Alex informs Barba, watching him careful for his reaction.

"Okay?" Barba asks, putting the cup he was about to raise to his mouth back on the table.

"I'm not ready to go into a law firm, would it be okay with you if I asked him to come here?" Alex asks.

"To help with protecting Ella I will be." Barba says, "You don't have to worry about me, Lexie, we can be in a room together, we have may times before." He says, understanding Alex's concern.

"I know that, but I also know how hard it is." Alex says as she starts to pick up the food that Ella Is dropping.

"It was eleven years ago." Barba tells Alex, glad that she cares but at the same time he doesn't want Alex to be so worried about him that she doesn't do what she needs to do.

"And can you honestly say you're over what happened?" Alex asks as even though she wasn't there she's talked to Barba about it so she knows his side and his feelings about it.

"No, I'll always wonder what could have happened, but I know we made the right choice for us at the time." Barba tells Alex, "Call him, invite him over. I'm going to have a shower." Barba says before heading to the bathroom.

As Alex watches Barba go she shakes her head, though honestly she is glad for the distraction. She is glad to have something to think about other than Torres and what's going to happen next, and Barba's history with Trevor Langan is the perfect distraction.

While Alex waits for Ella to finish he breakfast she pulls out her phone and sends a message to Olivia asking her if she can come around at lunch as that's when she is going to ask Trevor to come over, as honestly she would like Olivia to be there for that meeting and not just because it means that Alex doesn't have to put up with Trevor and Barba alone.

* * *

At five to one that afternoon Alex is sitting and playing with Ella while Barba watches when his phone starts to ring.

"Barba. You are? Okay. I'll buzz you up, and I will." Barba says, "Olivia's downstairs." He explains as he heads over to the intercom.

"Why did she call?" Alex asks as she looks up from what she was doing.

"Because she wanted me to open the door so that she didn't have to knock." Barba explains as presses the intercom then heads over to the door.

"Oh okay." Alex says, honestly it means a lot to her that Olivia remembered her reaction and is now doing her best to make sure that she doesn't make things harder for her.

Barba opens the door and about a minute later Olivia walks in.

"Olivia." Ella says happily.

"Hi Ella."

"Thanks for coming, Olivia." Alex says, being thankful.

"It's not a problem." Olivia responds as she walks over to Alex and Ella.

"Do you want some coffee, Liv?" Barba asks.

"Sure." Olivia says as she sits down with Alex and Ella, "So when will Langan be here?" she asks as Barba walks over to the kitchen.

"Any minute." Alex answers, "I didn't pull you away from anything important did I?" Alex asks concerned.

"No, just paperwork." Olivia answers and honestly she was glad to get Alex's text.

"Okay, I'm glad about that, I wanted you here for this and not just because I wanted someone to help me play mediator." Alex informs Olivia as even though it was part of the reason she does truly want Olivia there with her.

"Play mediator?" Olivia asks, not understanding why Alex will have to.

"Yeah, with Rafi's and Trevor's history someone needing to play mediator is pretty much a guarantee." Alex explains and Olivia just looks confused.

"Liv doesn't know." Barba says as he hands Olivia the coffee.

"Thanks." Olivia says as she accepts the coffee, "But I would be interested in knowing if you wanted to tell me." Olivia comments, having an idea but wanting to know if she was is right.

"On and off for eight years Trevor and I were in a relationship." Barba explains, "It ended eleven years ago."

"Okay." Olivia says as even though that is what she was suspecting it still surprises her, "I see why you wanted me here." Olivia says to Alex as she gets why Alex wouldn't want to be alone to put up with Trevor and Barba.

"It was only part of the reason." Alex says, "I really wanted you here."

"I'm glad." Olivia responds and before anyone can say anything the intercom buzzes so Barba gets up and walks over to it.

"Hello."

"It's Trevor."

"Come right up." Barba says as he lets him in, "Here we go." Barba mutters to himself as he walks over the door to open it so Trevor doesn't knock and scare Alex.

As Trevor's footsteps approach the apartment Alex tenses and so Olivia reaches over and grabs her hand in comfort. As Trevor's footsteps come closer Alex tightens her hold on Olivia's hand and it is clear that she is trying not to run.

"It's okay. It's okay." Olivia assures Alex, learning that Alex has a very strong grip.

"Rafael." Trevor greets as he walks into the apartment.

"Trevor." Barba greats as he closes the door behind him.

"You look good." Trevor informs Barba, giving him a smile.

"So do you." Barba responds.

"Alex, Olivia." Trevor greats, turning away from Barba.

"Trevor." Both Alex and Olivia respond as Alex stands up, Alex watching Ella carefully as she does.

"How are doing Alex?" Trevor asks curious.

"Alright." Alex lies, making it clear that she doesn't want to talk about it.

"So, you were vague when you called, what's going on?" Trevor asks curious after he, Alex, Olivia and Barba have all walked over to the table and have sat down.

"Torres's lawyer dropped an intent to file for custody off with Casey, it was his attempt of trying to strong arm a deal." Alex explains.

"I hope you told Casey not to give in." Trevor says as when he read what happened to Alex he was furious. He even came close to calling Barba many times, even drove half way to the hospital once before thinking better of it.

"I almost didn't, but yes." Alex admits.

"And now you need me to start working on your deference for family court." Trevor realises.

"Yeah." Alex confirms.

"Okay, well to start with I'm going to use some connections I have to push back the family court case until after the criminal, it will make your case stronger." Trevor tells Alex.

"I can make a few calls." Barba offers.

"So can I." Alex adds as even though it's been three years since she worked as a ADA in New York she still has connections.

"No, don't." Trevor says, "Neither of you, or you Olivia, can do that because then it won't look good for Alex, you need to let me handle this. As hard as it is, can you do that?" Trevor asks, knowing in Barba's case at least how hard it is going to be for him to stay out of it.

"Yeah." Alex answers and Olivia and Barba nod.

"Okay. I need to talk to Alex alone." Trevor informs Olivia and Barba.

"Because only Alex is your client and if Liv and are here it will make attorney client privilege void." Barba realises.

"Exactly."

"Will you be okay with that?" Olivia asks Alex.

"I think so." Alex says, not entirely sure if she is telling the truth.

"Okay well then why don't Liv and I take Ella for a walk?" Barba suggests, "Just down the block, maybe get some ice cream."

"Yeah, sounds good." Alex says.

"Just call if you need us to come back." Olivia tells Alex who nods and she gets up and walks over to Ella.

"Like Liv said just call if you need anything." Barba tells Alex before getting up and following Olivia and Ella out of the apartment.

"So, what argument are you thinking?" Alex asks Trevor once the door is closed.

"I've got several in mind, one of which is that in almost two years he hasn't spent any time with Ella."

"Because I made sure that he couldn't find us." Alex says.

"Because you were afraid of what he would do, a fear that is justified." Trevor explains, "Also I am going to argue that the family you've created for Ella, you, Rafael and Lucia, is a genuine support system and that it would be harmful to upset that." Trevor says.

"You're going to argue that Rafi has been a father figure to Ella and that it would be harmful to Ella to force someone else into that roll." Alex realises.

"Exactly."

* * *

While Trevor and Alex are talking Barba and Olivia are waking down the street, Olivia holding Ella.

"How were things last night?" Olivia asks curious.

"I don't think she slept much, and I found her out on the balcony at two." Barba explains.

"Smelling the city." Olivia guesses.

"Yeah." Barba confirms, "If he doesn't get convicted or if he win custody I'm terrified of what that would do to Lexie."

"So am I." Olivia admits.

* * *

About ten minutes later Olivia and Barba, with Ella, arrive back at Barba's apartment where they find Trevor and Alex still sitting at the table, both drinking coffee.

"Have you had enough time to talk?" Barba asks Trevor and Alex.

"Yeah, we've sorted out enough things for now." Trevor says, "Thank you for the coffee, I should get back to work."

"I'll walk you out." Barba says and while Trevor heads towards the door Olivia walks over to the table.

"What happened between them?" Olivia asks Alex curious after both Trevor and Barba leave, Barba going to walk Trevor all the way down instead of just to the door.

"It just didn't work out." Alex says, "They were both, are both, busy people and they both love their jobs too much to let them suffer." Alex explains.

"Sound like us." Olivia comments as that's one of the issues they had when they were dating, how little time they had.

"Yeah, but the difference is that we were also determine to make our relationship work, to find the balance, they weren't." Alex explains.

"Were they good together?" Olivia asks curious.

"They were happy, most of the time anyway, but they just couldn't make it work." Alex admits, because she knows that Trevor and Barba broke up a few months after she 'died' and before she came back from the trial, which was before Barba found out she was still alive, she couldn't help but wonder if part of the reason was because of her but Barba assured her that it wasn't.

For the next minute or so Alex and Olivia are quiet until the door opens and Barba walks back in.

"Do you need to talk?" Alex asks Barba when she sees the look on her best friends face.

"No." Barba answers, "Liv, would you like to stay for lunch?" He asks curious.

"Sure." Olivia answers and while Barba gets started on lunch both Alex and Olivia wonder what just happened between Barba and Trevor.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

It has been four days since Trevor came to the apartment to talk about Alex's case, two weeks since Alex was attacked and it's clear to Barba that Alex is even further from okay than he thought, something which worries him when he is meant to be going back to work on Monday.

Even though a lot of her injuries are close to healed Alex tends to still have a sleep during the day, which she usually has at the same time Ella sleeps which makes the apartment very quiet, at least for a little while, so it's the perfect time for Barba to do his paperwork, which is exactly what he is doing when his phone rings.

"Barba." He answers without checking his caller id.

"Hi, it's Liv." Olivia's voice responds.

"Hi, what's going on?" Barba asks.

"Amaro's leaving, I'm having a goodbye dinner Friday night I would like it if you and Alex, and Ella came." Olivia explains.

"What time?" Barba asks curious.

"Six."

"I'll talk to Lexie, see if she's up to it." Barba explains.

"How's she doing today?" Olivia asks, there being concern in her voice but before Barba can answer he hears a scream coming from Alex's room.

"Liv, I'm going to have to call you back." Barba says as he gets up and heads towards Alex's room, having thrown his phone down as he did.

* * *

"Barba? Barba? What's going on?" Olivia asks but all she hears in response is the dial tone, for a few seconds Olivia sits and wonders what to do but then she realises that she needs to go check for herself that everything is okay and so she gets up and heads towards the door, but she doesn't manage to do more than put her jacket on as when she opens her door she finds Tucker on the other side.

"Lieutenant Tucker, this is a surprise." Olivia comments.

"Is it a bad time?"

"Yes, It is actually I was just on my way out." Olivia explains.

"A case?"

"Not exactly. I'm going to go check on a victim from a recent case." Olivia explains.

"Alex Cabot?" Tucker asks and Olivia just gives him a look which gives him his answer, "You didn't work that case, why not?"

"Is IA investigating me?" Olivia asks as Tucker showing up in her office and talking about Alex's case leads her to one conclusion.

"Only if you don't give me a reason not to." Tucker explains, "So I have to ask why didn't you work it? You worked with Ms Cabot a long time, it's not like you to sit on the sidelines."

"If I had worked this case it would have jeopardised everything. Even risking claims of conflicts of interest." Olivia explains.

"Why exactly?" Tucker asks.

"Because of my relationship with Alexandra Cabot." Olivia explains.

"What exactly is the nature of that relationship?" Tucker asks, and honestly Olivia isn't sure if she wants IAB to know and she isn't sure whether Alex would be okay with them knowing, "Whatever you stay will stay between us." Tucker says, seeing Olivia's hesitation, "I just need a reason not to start an investigation."

"Alex and I were a couple from 2001 to 2003, and from 2009 to 2010 and briefly in late 2011 and early 2012." Olivia explains, "I knew that if I was working this case then I would be jeopardising the entire case even risking it being thrown out and I wasn't going to do that to her."

"Okay. You made the right call." Tucker informs Olivia, only being slightly surprised by the reveal, "I'll make it clear that there is no reason for an investigation." Tucker informs Olivia, "But you do realise that this could come up at trial."

"I know." Olivia says, "Torres has already made it clear just how much he's willing to use the legal system to hurt Alex."

"What do you mean?" Tucker asks curious.

"Torres has already filed for custody of Ella, Alex's sixteen month old daughter." Olivia explains.

"He's gutsy." Tucker comments, being surprised that after everything Torres has done he's still trying to get custody of Ella.

"Yeah."

"So, how's studying for the Lieutenant's exam going?" Tucker asks curious.

"Okay." Olivia says as even with everything that's going on she has been doing her best to study.

"Good. Do you think you'll be ready for the test?"

"I do." Olivia says as he phone goes off with a message, "I'm sorry I need to go." Olivia says once she reads the message.

"Of course, I don't want to keep you." Tucker says, "Remember what I said about thinking about your second."

"I will." Olivia says before hurrying off.

* * *

When Barba rushes into Alex's room he finds Alex tossing, turning, and screaming so he rushes over to her and tries to get her to wake.

"LEXIE. LEXIE WAKE UP." Barba says shaking Alex awake and within a few seconds Alex is sitting up with a look of pure terror on her face. "It's okay. Everything's okay." he assures her and without a word Alex gets up and hurries into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

"Lexie." Barba says racing over to the door as Ella starts to cry, "Lexie, open the door." Barba says and when he gets no response he walks over to Ella and picks her up, "Shh, its okay, Pequeña, it's okay Ella." Barba assures his niece as he walks back over to the bathroom, trying to comfort the toddler, as he stands by the door Barba is pretty sure that he can hear Alex being sick, "Lexie? Are you okay?" Barba asks, tempted to break the door but being pretty sure that that will make things so much worse. "Lexie?" Barba asks and as he once more gets no response he searches around the room for something to help and when he sees Alex's phone he walks over, picks it up and sends a message to Olivia, thinking that if anyone can help it's her. As he sends the message Barba walks back over to the bathroom door, "Lexie, just let me know you're okay." Barba requests, "Please."

"I'm okay." Alex's voice response, barley loud enough for Barba to hear.

"Will you open the door?" Barba asks.

"No." Alex answers.

"Okay." Barba say, "Well I'll be right out here if you change your mind." Barba says as he sits on the ground outside the bathroom.

"Mommy?" Ella asks.

"Mommy needs some time to herself right now." Barba says, saying the only thing he can think to help as honestly he doesn't know what else he can say. As he sits Barba realises that he has never seen Alex like this and he hates it because he knows that there is nothing he can do to help.

* * *

Barba has been sitting outside the bathroom door, waiting for Alex to let him in or show, in some way, that she is okay when Alex's phone goes off with a message from Olivia which says _'I'm downstairs.'_ And so he sends a message back before getting up so that he can let Olivia in.

* * *

A couple of minutes later, when Barba is standing at the apartment door, he sees Olivia walk out of the elevator and towards him.

"What happened?" Olivia asks, it being clear that she is worried.

"She must have been having a nightmare." Barba says as he and Olivia walk back into the apartment, "Lexie was tossing and turning and screaming. I managed to wake her up and she looked terrified. She hurried into the bathroom, locked the door behind her and I heard her being sick. She said she's okay but she won't open the door, not to me at least." Barba explains.

"Has she said anything else?" Olivia asks concerned.

"No." Barba says, it being clear that he is more than worried about how his best friend is doing.

"And you want me to see if she'll let me in." Olivia realises.

"Yeah, I don't know what else to do." Barba admits as he suspects that there might be a better chance of Alex letting Olivia in than him.

"Okay." Olivia says and she heads towards Alex's room, and as Barba watches her go he hopes that Alex will let Olivia in.

* * *

When Olivia walks into Alex's room she heads straight to the bathroom and she is about to knock on the door but stops herself before she can, "Alex, its Olivia."

"Olivia?" Alex's voice responds, there being surprise along with fear and pain in her voice.

"Yeah. Can you unlock the door?" Olivia asks.

"I don't know if I can." Alex admits.

"Please Ally, I just want to talk, see how you're doing." Olivia says, "Or I can stay out here and we can talk through the door." Olivia explains, "Whatever you want." Olivia says and she hears the sound of movement and the door unlock.

"You can come in." Alex says and Olivia walks in.

When Olivia walks in the bathroom she finds Alex sitting against the wall, her legs up against her chest, and so Olivia walks over to her and squats down across from her, being careful not to touch her.

"You don't have to talk until you're ready, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere." Olivia promises Alex.

"Thank you." Alex says, being grateful for that.

As Olivia watches Alex she realises that even after knowing her for fifteen years, and seeing her in some of her most private moments, she has never seen Alex like this and it breaks her heart to see it as no matter what has happened a part of her, a not so small part, will always love Alex and she hates that she is hurting so much.

After a few minutes of silence Olivia notices Alex starting to shake.

"It's okay Ally, you're safe." Olivia says when she notices the shaking.

"I can't stop." Alex admits.

"May I hold you?" Olivia asks and Alex gives a small nod and so Olivia moves so that she is now sitting next to Alex and once she is she puts her arm around her. At first Alex tenses and it takes a while but she eventually leans in to Olivia's embrace.

Even though she can't express it and probably won't be able to put it into words Alex is so thankful for Olivia, thankful that she is there for her without any expectations, not that that surprises her as that's who Olivia is, it still means a lot as it's exactly what Alex needs right now. There may be many things that Alex is uncertain of but one thing that she knows without a doubt is that she loves Olivia, but she doesn't know if she will ever be able to act on it, not after what happened; so she's happy and grateful to just have Olivia's friendship as that's what she needs the most.

* * *

Even though he knows that Alex is in good hands with Olivia Barba still feels his worry increase with the more time that passes while he watches Ella play.

For a while Barba sits as his concern grown debating what to do as he desperately wants to help Alex but at the same time he trusts Olivia and knows that without a doubt that she'll be able to help her.

Barba isn't sure of exactly how much time has passed, because to him it feels like forever, when he hears footsteps and so he looks over and sees Olivia.

"How's Lexie?" Barba asks.

"She's asleep again. She's exhausted." Olivia explains, "She asked me to sit with her until she fell asleep."

"She hasn't slept more than a few hours since she got home." Barba informs Olivia.

"I'm not surprised." Olivia comments, "Is she seeing a therapist?"

"Not yet." Barba answers, "You know, I can count on one hand the amount of times Lexie has left the apartment since she got back from the hospital." He explains and before Olivia can respond her phone rings.

"Benson….I'll be right there." Olivia says, "I've got to go, we've got a case."

"Okay."

"Look, how about you, Alex and Ella, come over for dinner tonight with Noah and I. It will just be the five of us and it could help Alex to spend time out of this apartment and I can bring up idea of Alex going to a psychiatrist." Olivia suggests.

"Sounds good to me, but I don't know if Lexie will agree." Barba admits.

"Suggest it, see how she reacts."

"I will." Barba confirms.

"Good, if she agrees say seven."

"Sounds good."

"Okay, I really need to go." Olivia says before hurrying out of the apartment.

Once Olivia leaves Barba walks over and closes and locks the door before heading back over to Ella.

* * *

About an hour and a half after Olivia left Barba once more hears footsteps and he look sot see Alex, looking slightly more rested, though not by much.

"Liv got called out on a case." Barba explains as Alex walks over to the couch where he is sitting and doing paperwork while watching Ella.

"Okay." Alex says as she sits down.

"She invited us over to dinner tonight with her and Noah." Barba informs Alex.

"Really?" Alex asks surprise.

"Yeah. Sounds like good idea to me." Barba informs Alex, "It will just be us and the kids, plus it will get us out of the apartment. What do you think?"

"Um, yeah, okay." Alex says, uncertain.

"Good. I'll let Liv know." Barba informs Alex, "Do you want to talk about what happened?" Barba asks, being pretty sure that he knows the answer.

"No, maybe someday, but not now." Alex informs Barba.

"Okay. Well whenever you're ready." Barba says and Alex nods, giving him a grateful look.

"Mommy." Ella says and Alex turns to look at her daughter, "Play." She demands.

"Say please first." Alex tells her daughter.

"Please." Ella says though it sounds more like pleeze.

"Good." Alex says and she gets up and walks over to her daughter where she sits down with her and plays.

As Barba watches Alex and Ella he is struck by the realisation that even though Alex is trying she is clearly tense, which strikes him as strange as away from work the Alex he knows is always relaxed, for the most part at least.

 _September 2000_

" _I see you got my message." Barba said as he noticed Alex walk out onto the roof of his apartment building that he is barbecuing on, she had two six packs of cider in her hand and looked like she hasn't slept much, but despite that she looked quiet relaxed._

" _Yep." Alex said as she walked over to where Barba was and put the drinks on the table behind him, "So, what made you want to barbecue?"_

" _It's a nice day, plus there won't be many other chances before the weather changes. Thanks." Barba says as Alex handed him one of the ciders before she sat down on the ledge of the roof, facing him, "So, how's SVU?" He asked, curious as they hadn't really had a chance to talk since Alex started to work at SVU two weeks earlier._

" _Busy." Alex answered as she took a sip of her drink, "And the cases….there is nothing like it."_

" _Yeah?"_

" _Yeah." Alex confirmed, "I can't help but wonder if we'll ever do enough." Alex admitted._

" _Is there such thing as enough?" Barba asked._

" _I don't know. But everything I've seen in the last two weeks tells me no." Alex said and the two of them drifted into silence, "So, is Trevor coming?" Alex asked after a few minutes of silence._

" _Yeah, he got a call from a client but he should be here soon." Barba explained and Alex gave a nod in response, "So, what are the people you're working with like?" he asked._

" _They're interesting. They are all dedicated and clearly a close squad, they're good at what they do, I'm looking forward to getting to know them better." Alex explained._

" _What's their name?" Barba asked._

" _What?"_

" _I know that tone, there is one person that you especially want to get to know, what's there name?" Barba asked and Alex looked away from in in a clear attempt to avoid answering his question, "At least tell me if their male or female." He requested._

" _Female. Olivia Benson."_

"Tío Rafi." Ella's voice says, snapping Barba out of his thoughts.

"Yes?" Barba asks looking down at Ella who is at his feet.

"Play." Ella tells her uncle.

"Sure." Barba says as he throws the file that he was meant to be reading onto the couch before following Ella over to where Alex is still sitting with Ella's toys.

"What game do you want to play?" Alex asks her daughter and in response Ella just pushes blocks over to Alex and Barba.

"Blocks it is." Barba says and as he and Alex start to build blocks with Ella they exchange a look over Ella's head. As they do it becomes clear to both of them that even with how so far from okay things are Ella mere presence is able to make things slightly better.

* * *

A couple of hours later Alex, Barba and Ella are on their way up to Olivia's apartment.

"It just us, just like if we were at home." Barba informs Alex.

"I know. I'm fine." Alex says actually telling the truth, "I'm just not used to the whole, being out of the apartment thing." Alex admits, "I still expect him to find me." She admits.

"He's in jail, he can't." Barba informs Alex.

"It feels like he can." Alex says as they arrive at Olivia's apartment door.

"You're safe Lexie, he won't hurt you again." Barba says as he knocks, about a minute later the door opens to reveal Olivia holding Noah.

"Hi, come in." Olivia say letting them in.

"This must be Noah." Alex says.

"Yeah." Olivia says with a smile, "Noah this is Alex, and you know Ella and Barba." Olivia introduces.

"Hi Noah, it's really nice to meet you." Alex says to the toddler.

"So dinner should be ready soon." Olivia says heading over to the couches.

"What are we eating?" Barba asks curious.

"Spaghetti bolognaise, salad and garlic bread." Olivia answers as she, Barba and Alex sit down, Olivia holding Noah and Alex holding Ella.

"Sounds good." Alex says.

"So Amaro's really leaving?" Barba asks curious.

"Yeah, both his kids are in California so you can't blame him for wanting to join them." Olivia comments.

"No, you can't." Barba says.

"I don't know if Barba told you but I'm having a goodbye dinner Friday night, Amaro, Rollins, Fin, Munch, Carisi, Melinda and George are all going to be there. I know we'll like it if you came." Olivia tells Alex.

"I'll think about it." Alex says, not sure if she is ready for that.

"I'm glad." Olivia says, "I should check on dinner." Olivia says putting Noah on the ground near his toys before heading to the kitchen.

"You should go Friday, even if I don't." Alex informs Barba.

"I will. But you should consider joining us." Barba informs Alex.

"I will." Alex says before putting Ella on the ground, because she is attempting to climb out of her mother's arms. Once Ella is on the ground Ella walks over to Noah and Alex gets up and heads over to Olivia, "Is there anything I can do to help?" Alex asks.

"Um, do you want to set the table?" Olivia asks.

"Sure." Alex says, "Is everything in the same place as always?" Alex asks as she knew her way around Alex's old kitchen, but she's not sure if she'll be able to find everything in the new one.

"Yep." Olivia answers, "In the top cupboard you'll find bowels and cups for Ella and Noah." Olivia explains and Alex nods. While Olivia finishes cooking and Alex sets the table Barba watches Ella and Noah, being quiet amused by how well the two of them get along.

"Barba can you please get the second high chair out of Noah's room." Olivia asks from the kitchen.

"Sure."

"Table's all set, what else can I do?" Alex asks Olivia curious.

"Dinner's ready, do you want to get Ella and Noah."

"Sure." Alex says and she goes and gets Noah and Ella while Olivia dishes out dinner and Barba brings the second high chair over.

"Drinks?" Barba asks.

"Fridge." Olivia answers and Barba heads there while Alex puts each toddler in a highchair.

"Everything smells great." Alex tells Olivia.

"Thanks." Olivia says as she finishes severing and Barba pours drinks for everyone, including Noah and Ella, "Dig in." Olivia say once everyone is sitting down and that's what all three of them do, Alex and Olivia feeding, and watching, Ella and Noah respectively more than eating their own dinner. As they do that the three adults talk and pass the food around and Barba notices just how in sync the three of them are and as he does can't help but smile at both that and the fact that Alex seems semi relaxed or as closed to relaxed as she seemed since the attack.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

It has been two days since Alex, Oliva, Barba, Ella and Noah had dinner together, a dinner that went very well and even made Alex feel that maybe everything will be okay. It is about five am and Alex has once more been woken by nightmares of Torres and what he did. For once her nightmares don't cause Alex to scream so she just wakes up in terror instead of screaming terror. For a few seconds Alex just sits up in bed, drenched in sweat while she tries to cope with what she saw, but as she does Alex feels sick to her stomach so she rushes to the bathroom. For a few minutes Alex braces herself, expecting to be sick, but she isn't. Even though she wasn't sick Alex rinses out her mouth and as she does she finds herself staring at her refection in the mirror. As she stares Alex realises that she doesn't even recognizes herself anymore and that between the fading cuts and bruises and the old bullet scar Alex can't help but think that all she is is scars.

Knowing that she isn't going to get any more sleep Alex splashes water on her face, being careful not to wet her cast, and heads back into her room to get changed.

* * *

After she gets dressed Alex grabs the baby monitor and heads out into the living room. Not wanting to wake Barba up Alex just turns on one of the lamps and heads over to the book case, planning on attempting to read something. Before she can pick a book to read Alex notices something out of the corner of her eye and when she goes to have a closer look she recognizes it as a photo album and so she takes it off the shelf and walks over to the couch.

As Alex flips through the pages of the album Alex can't help, but smile small smiles at some of the photos and others case her to remember days gone past.

 _July 1994_

" _This is the last one." Barba said as he walked into the apartment that he and Alex will be sharing, their first apartment together, "We're officially moved in." Barba said as he closed the door with is foot._

" _No we're not, not until all the boxes are unpacked." Alex said in response as she started to unpack one of the boxes._

" _Wow, Lexie, way to rain on my parade." Barba informed Alex._

" _Just pointing out the facts…..got it." Alex said as she pulled something out of the box._

" _Got what?" Barba asked curious._

" _A camera. Even if we aren't unpacked this is our new home we should take a picture." Alex told Barba._

" _Yeah, we should." Barba said, agreeing with that completely, "Against the window?"_

" _Sure." Alex said and she sets the timer and put the camera on the bench before heading over Barba. Seconds before the camera is due to go of Alex jumped on Barba's back, because he saw it coming Barba was able to react and catch her._

" _Really?" Barba asked with a grin causing both of them to have a grins on their faces when the photo is taken._

" _Really."_

* * *

 _May 1997_

" _Serious Lexie, how many more pictures are you going to take?" Barba asked Alex only hours before they are going to graduate from Harvard Law._

" _Until I run out of film." Alex explained as they both heard someone knock on the door._

" _That will be Trevor, he's going to walk over with us." Barba said as he heads to the front door._

" _Is he joining us later?" Alex asked as her mother, her, Barba and his family are going out to dinner after graduation._

" _No. Neither of us are ready for family to know, excluding you of course." Barba explained._

" _Okay, I won't say anything." Alex promised as Barba opened the front door, "Hey, Trevor."_

" _Alex." Trevor greats, "Rafael." Trevor says before he and Barba kissed then hugged, as they hugged Alex took a picture._

" _I'm going to take that camera from you in a minute." Barba informed Alex._

" _No you won't. You'll be happy when the photos are developed." Alex informed Barba and even though he didn't admit it at the time she was right._

* * *

 _July 2003_

" _I'm pretty sure I should be insulted." Barba informed Alex._

" _Really?" Alex asked, giving him an annoyed look._

" _Yeah. You're choosing to spend your birthday with Olivia rather than me." Barba explained, "I'm pretty sure that I should be in insulted by that."_

" _You've done the same thing." Alex reminded him._

" _True." Barba confirmed, "I hope you have a great day."_

" _I'm sure I will. Liv, took the day off." Alex explained._

" _Wow, definitely will be great." Barba said putting a wrap present in front of Alex, "Happy Birthday Lexie."_

" _Thank you Rafi." Alex said as she accepted the present. When Alex opened it she finds a new digital camera, "A new camera, thank you, Rafi."_

" _You're welcome. I thought you could do with an upgrade." Barba explained._

" _I could." Alex said as she got up and walked over to Barba so that she could hug him, "Let's test it out." He said and a few minutes later she took a picture of her and Barba._

* * *

 _January 14_ _th_ _2014_

" _Can I come in?" Barba asked as he knocked on the door to the private hospital room that Alex is in after she gave birth._

" _Of course." Alex said and Barba walked in._

" _She's beautiful, Lexie." Barba told Alex, smiling ear to ear, as even though he was with Alex when she gave birth he didn't have a good look at her as he didn't want to see her until she was clean._

" _She is." Alex confirmed as she looked down at her new born daughter with a look of amazement on her face._

" _So, have you picked a name?" Barba asked curious as he looked down at the baby._

" _Yes." Alex confirmed, "Meet Rafaela Olivia Cabot." Alex said to Barba's amazement, "My daughter's going to have to be strong so I named after one of the strongest people I know, Olivia and I named her after you because I can't think of anyone who is more important to me, who will be a better role model for her, or be more important to her." Alex told Barba a tear having come to her eye, an only partly due hormones._

 _For once Barba was shocked for words, "Thank you, Lexie." Barba finally managed to say, "I think it's time to take a picture of you and your Pequeña." Barba told Alex, having managed to think coherently._

" _I agree, but only if you're in the photo to." Alex told Barba._

" _I can do that." Barba said as he pulled out his phone before he sat down next to Alex putting his arms around both of them._

"Lexie." Barba said having walked out of his room after having a shower to find Alex sitting on the couch staring at the photo album, "Earth to Lexie."

"Rafi. How long have you been standing there?" Alex asks when she notices his presence.

"Not long." Barba says as he jumps over the couch and sits down next to Alex, "Wow, we were so young." Barba says as he sees a picture from their early days at Harvard.

"Yeah, we were." Alex confirmed.

"Have you been up for long?" Barba asked curious.

"Um, not for long." Alex says after looking at the clock.

"How did you sleep?" Barba asks, being pretty sure that he can guess but hoping that he is wrong.

"Slightly better than I have been." Alex informs Barba.

"That's good, right?"

"Yeah." Alex confirms then notices something, "Why do I have no memory of this picture?" Alex asks referring to a picture where she is wearing a traffic cone on her head and by looks of it singing into a bear bottle while standing on the couch that was in the apartment they shared in law school.

"It was after you found out Jamie was cheating on you. You drunk a lot." Barba explains, trying to keep the amusement out of his voice as it is an amusing image.

"And you decided to take a picture instead of getting me to go to bed?" Alex asks surprised.

"Trevor took the photo, not me, I just encouraged it." Barba admits, using that as a defence.

"Gee, thanks Rafi."

"Please like you wouldn't, and haven't, done the same." Barba informs Alex.

"That's…. a very good point." Alex admits.

"Told you." Barba says and the two of them drift into silence.

"So I was thinking about going to the park with Ella today." Alex says to Barba's surprise, "I think it would be good for her to spend a couple of hours outside."

"It would be good for both of you." Barba tells Alex.

"Yeah, I know." Alex says, "Will you come?" Alex asks as even though it is something sure wants to do it is also something that she is afraid of doing, like most things.

"Of course." Barba answers without hesitation and before Alex can say something in response she and Barba hear crying coming through the baby monitor, "I'll get started on breakfast." Barba tells Alex as she gets up and heads to Ella.

* * *

A couple of hours later Barba and Alex are walking around the park, Alex pushing Ella in her stroller. Even though Alex is attempting to stay calm it is clear to Barba that she is tense, scared and close to having an anxiety attack.

"So have you given any thought to whether you're going to come tonight?" Barba asks Alex, trying to get her to focus on something else as it might help.

"I have." Alex says, her eyes scanning the crowed, honestly she is expecting to see Torres, even though she knows that he is in prison.

"And?"

"I think I'm going to go." Alex says, it being clear that she is nervous.

"Really?" Barba asks, attempting to keep the surprise out of his voice.

"Yeah. I'm honestly not sure if I'm ready to face everyone, but I want to try." Alex explains.

"That's good Lexie, that's really good." Barba informs Alex, who flinches as a person walks pass her, "Do you want to head back to the apartment?" he asks, noticing Alex's reaction.

"Not yet, but soon." Alex says and Barba nods.

* * *

A few hours later Olivia, Amaro, Rollins, Carisi, Fin, Munch, Melinda and George are all at Olivia's for Amaro's goodbye dinner.

"So, are Barba and Alex coming?" Fin asks curious.

"Barba is, I'm not sure about Alex." Oliva explains.

"How's Alex doing?" Rollins asks, as she hasn't seen Alex since she was in the hospital.

"Not good." Olivia admits.

"How not good?" Melinda asks concerned.

"Very." Olivia says as there is a knock on the door so she walks over to get it where she finds Alex, Ella and Barba waiting on the other side, "Hi, come in." Olivia says as she lets the three of them into the apartment.

"I brought this, I thought you might need more." Barba says as he hands Olivia a bottle of wine.

"Thanks, Barba." Olivia says as she accepts the wine and they walk over to the others. As they do Alex takes Ella over to Noah so that they can play together.

"Alex, it's good to see you Counsellor." Fin says.

"It's good to see you too Fin." Alex responds, after checking to make sure that Noah and Ella are okay, forcing a smile.

"Ms Cabot I don't know if you remember me but I'm Dominick Carisi, Jr, but call me Sonny."

"No one does." Rollins comments.

"It's nice to meet you Carisi, call me Alex" Alex responds, feeling like when he helped arrest Torres shouldn't count as a meeting.

"You know I can't tell you how much of a pleasure it is to meet you. I've been studying some of the advances you've made in sex crime legislation, about how you were the first ADA to get spousal rape past the grand jury and….." Carisi starts to say but Olivia cuts him off.

"Carisi." Olivia says in a warning tone of voice, being worried that he is overwhelming Alex.

"it's okay, Olivia." Alex assures, feeling like it is something she wouldn't mind talking about as she would prefer it to everyone asking whether she is okay, "You're a law student?"

"At Fordham." Carisi answers.

"Well I wish you good luck with your studies." Alex says, meaning her words and at the same time she wants the attention off her.

"So Nick, when do you leave?" Barba asks, seeing how uncomfortable Alex is getting, though he is sure that no one else, other than maybe Olivia, would be able to tell.

"Tomorrow, I'm going to leave early." Nick explains.

"So it's your last night and you're spending it with us?" Munch asks, "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, I just want to spend my last night in the city with family." Amaro explains.

"Wow, if you're going to get sentimental already then I'm going to need more to drink." Rollins comments.

"I think we could all use another drink." Olivia says before heading to the kitchen so that she can get the wine.

"I'll give you a hand." Alex says, heading to the kitchen too so that she can get herself something non-alcoholic.

"There's some non-alcoholic cider in the fridge if you would like some of that." Olivia informs Alex as she knows that because of the medication Alex is still taking that she can't drink.

"I would, thanks." Alex says heading to the fridge.

"I'm glad you came tonight." Olivia tells Alex.

"I think I'm glad too." Alex admits, walking back over to Olivia.

"Good." Olivia says and she and Alex pour drinks for everyone before heading back over to the others, "I would like to propose a toast." Olivia says once everyone has a drink, "To Nick Amaro, my partner, my friend, my brother. I'll miss you soo much and I wish you luck with everything that you do."

"To Nick." Everyone else repeats.

"Thanks Liv." Nick says before giving Olivia a hug, being touched by what she said.

* * *

About forty five minutes later dinner is nearly ready and as Olivia walks back into the living area she becomes worried as she doesn't see Alex. At first she thinks that maybe Alex left, but after she notices that Barba is talking to Fin and Ella is with Noah being read to by Carisi Olivia doubts it.

"She slipped into your bedroom a few minutes ago." George tells Olivia noticing the look on her face.

"Alex?"

"Yeah." George says, "It looked like she needed a break." He explains.

"Thanks." Olivia says before heading into her room to check on Alex.

* * *

When Olivia walks into her room she finds Alex staring at the collection of pictures that are on her draws.

"Alex?" Olivia asks concerned as she closes the door behind her.

"Olivia, sorry, I just needed a minute." Alex explains.

"It's okay." Olivia assures as she walks over to Alex.

"You've increased your collection." Alex comments as Olivia has always put picture frames on her draws but now there are more than Alex remembers.

"I've had reasons to." Olivia explains.

"There are a lot of memories here." Alex comments.

"Yeah, there is." Olivia confirms, "But I have to stay that this is one of my best memories." Olivia says picking up a frame and showing it to Alex.

"Mine to." Alex says as she looks down at the picture. The picture is of a barbecue that them, Melinda and her family, George, Elliot and his family, Cragen, Fin and Munch had together at the park. It was their own late Fourth of July celebration just before she went into witness protection, "It was a great day."

"It really was." Olivia confirms as she puts the picture back and the two of them drift into silence.

"Rafi, Ella and I spend several hours in the park today." Alex informs Olivia.

"That's great, how did it go?" Olivia asks as she knows how much of a big deal it is for Alex.

"I was the terrified the entire time, I expecting to see him, but I didn't give in to the fear." Alex reveals.

"That's great Ally, that's really good." Olivia tells her.

"It was only a couple of hours and Rafi was with me the entire time." Alex says with a shrug.

"It's still a big step." Olivia says as Alex has spent eighteen months being terrified to spend time outsides so spending several hours, even with Barba by her side, is a big deal.

"I guess so." Alex says.

"So, dinner's nearly ready. Would you like me to save you some or are you okay to join us?" Olivia asks.

"I'm okay to join." Alex says and after a nod she and Olivia head back into the other room to join the others.

* * *

About an hour later everyone has finished eating and are once more mingling together. Even though she is attempting to be social Alex is sitting by herself watching Ella and Noah.

"Alex." A voice says and she looks up to see George.

"Hi George." Alex says as he sits down next to her.

"How you doing, Alex?" George asks curious.

"Are you asking as a Psychiatrist or a friend?" Alex asks curious.

"A friend."

"I'm….. I don't know how I am." Alex admits, being too tired to try and lie.

"Are you sleeping?"

"Not really." Alex admits.

"I can give you the names and numbers of people you can talk to, or you can always talk to me if you would like." George tells Alex.

"I'll remember that." Alex says, not sure if she will take George up on the offer.

"I'm going to say this as both you're friend and a psychiatrist, you should talk to someone Alex. It will help you, a lot." George says and Alex nods.

"How much longer are you going to be in the city for?" Alex asks curious.

"Permanently. I've been assigned to SVU again." George reveals.

"That's great." Alex says happily.

"Yeah, it's it. I'm glad to be home." George informs Alex.

"I know the feeling." Alex says as she looks around the room, "Does anyone else know?" She asks George curious.

"No. I'm going to tell Olivia on Monday." George explains, "Tonight is about Amaro."

"That it is." Alex confirms.

"Hey, everyone. I would like to say something." Amaro says and everyone turns to look at him and both Alex and George stand-up "I just want to say that the last four years have been some of the most amazing in my life." He reveals, "Like Liv said we're a family and I will love and miss you all so much." Amaro says, "But this is something I have to do."

"We know. We're just sorry to see you go." Munch informs him.

"I know." Amaro says, "But I'll stay in touch." Amaro says.

"You better." Rollins tells him.

"I will." Amaro promises, completely meaning that.

* * *

Over an hour and a half later Alex and Barba are back at Barba's apartment. Alex having just put Ella, who feel asleep at Olivia's, in her crib.

"Things are going to be soo odd without Amaro." Barba informs Alex as she sits down next to him.

"I'll bet." Alex says, "You've become good friends, haven't you?"

"Yeah, we have." Barba confirms.

"I'm sorry that you're losing a friend, Rafi."

"Me too Lexie, me to." Barba says and they drift into silence.

For a few minutes both Alex and Barba are silent while they think about Amaro leaving and the other friends that they both have lost, not surprisingly Alex finds herself thinking about Elliot and how she hopes, for Olivia's and the others sake, that Nick does a much better job of staying in contact that Elliot.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

It has been two days since Amaro's goodbye dinner and the day has come for Barba to start back at work, George to start working with SVU again, and the first official day without Amaro. Even though he has to be at court soon Barba has gone to the precinct instead of the court house as there is something he has to ask of Olivia.

"Counsellor, it's a bit early to see you." Rollins says when she sees Barba walk in.

"Yeah, Liv in?" He asks.

"Yeah, she's in her office." Fin answers and Barba heads straight there, knocking before entering.

"Barba, this is a surprise. We don't have a new case yet." Olivia informs him.

"I know….I um, need a favour." Barba admits.

"Sure, what is it?" Olivia asks.

"I was going to check on Lexie at lunch but I have court so I was wonder if…"

"I could check on Alex at some point today." Olivia realises.

"Would you?"

"Of course I will."

"Thank you." Barba says pulling his keys out of his pocket so he can lend Oliva the key.

"I take it Alex still doesn't react well when someone knocks." Olivia realise, seeing what he is doing.

"No, she doesn't." Barba says handing the key over.

"Okay, I won't knock." Olivia says, "I'll drop the key back by your office this afternoon."

"Thank you Olivia." Barba tells her.

"You don't have to thank me." Olivia assures Barba.

"Still, thanks." Barba says, "I've got to get to court. I'll see you later."

"See you later." Olivia says as Barba leaves.

* * *

For the rest of the morning Olivia works on paperwork and other things she needs to get done. At about twelve she notices the time and decides that it would be a good time to go and check on Alex and so she collects her stuff and heads out into the squad room.

"Fin, Rollins, Carisi." Olivia says as she walks out into the squad room.

"Yeah boss?" Carisi asks.

"I've got to step out for about an hour, call if anything comes up." Olivia tells them.

"Is everything okay?" Fin asks concerned.

"Yeah, everything's fine. There is just something I have to do." Olivia says before leaving, leaving Fin, Rollins and Carisi to wonder what is going on.

* * *

Half an hour later Olivia arrives at Barba's apartment and, it feeling incredibly odd to do so, Olivia lets herself into the apartment.

"Alex, it's me." Olivia says as she walks into the apartment and closing the door behind her, "Alex?" Olivia asks as she sees no sign of Alex but the TV is on, there is a tea cup on the table, and an open book next to it, "ALLY?" Olivia calls as she walks through the apartment. Thinking that it would be her best chance of finding Alex Olivia heads towards Alex's room. "Alex, are you here?" Olivia asks when she walks into Alex's room and once more sees no sign of Alex, or Ella.

"Olivia." Alex's voice says, coming from the direction of the closet.

"Alex." Olivia says rushing over to the closet. When she opens the doors Olivia finds Alex sitting on the ground, holding Ella and looking terrified, "Ally, what happened?" Olivia asks as she squats down in front of her.

"I heard someone out in the corridor, I thought it was him." Alex explains, "I didn't want him to find us again."

"He's in jail, he can't." Olivia says, "How long have you been in here?"

"I don't know." Alex admits.

"Why don't you come out, I'm here, you're safe now." Olivia tells Alex.

"Not yet." Alex says, being too scared to do.

"Okay." Olivia says, trying to think of what to do, "Ally I'm going to call George, see if he can come over, will that be okay? Will you talk to him?" Olivia asks as she knows that she needs help, for a minute Olivia just watches Alex until she gives a small nod.

* * *

It has been well over twenty minutes since Olivia found Alex and Olivia is waiting for George at the door to the apartment as he just buzzed up.

"What happened?" George asks Olivia as soon as he sees her, it being clear that he hurried over after Olivia's call.

"Barba asked me to check on Alex today while he was in court so I came over, let myself in. The TV was on, there was a cup of tea and a book on the table but I didn't see any sign of Alex. I went to her bedroom and called out and she call back from the closet. She sitting in her wardrobe, holding Ella, looking terrified. She won't move." Olivia explains as they walk back into Barba's apartment.

"And so you called me." George realises.

"I didn't know what else to do." Olivia admits.

"You did the right thing." George assures her, "Take me to her." George asks and he and Olivia head to Alex's bedroom.

When they enter the room Olivia walks right over to Alex and squats down in front of her again.

"George is here Ally." Olivia says.

"Hey, Alex." George says squatting down next to Olivia, "Have you and Ella eating today?"

"We ate a breakfast." Alex answers.

"You must be getting hungry then." George says.

"No, not really."

"What about you Ella? Are you hungry?" George asks the toddler.

"Yes."

"Alex why don't you let Olivia take Ella to have something to eat while you and I talk." George suggests as he thinks that he might have a better chance of getting Alex to open up if Ella isn't present. At George's suggestion Alex looks between her daughter and Olivia and George before giving a small nod.

"Okay, I can do that." Olivia says, "Come on Sweetie." Olivia says, getting Ella from Alex. Once Olivia has Ella she leaves the room leaving George and Alex.

Once Olivia leaves the room George moves so that he is sitting right next to Alex.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" George asks.

"I heard someone out in the hall. I thought it was him." Alex explains.

"And so you wanted to go somewhere safe." George says.

"I wanted to go somewhere he couldn't find me." Alex corrects.

"He's in jail Alex, he hasn't escaped."

"I know that. But I still though it was him." Alex admits.

"You've spend eighteen months afraid of him. Thinking that he has come after you, even when you logically know he's in jail, is a normal reaction." George says.

"It doesn't feel normal, nothing does." Alex reveals.

"It takes time, but things will start to feel normal again." George tells Alex.

"I don't believe that."

"It will Alex, I promise." George says, "He can't hurt you anymore, he can't control you, not unless you let him." He says, "Don't let him take anything else from you. You're in control, Alex, you, not him. If you want to stay in this closet, where you feel safe, then do and I'll sit right here with you until you're ready to move, but make sure it's what you want and that you're not doing it just because you're afraid of him." George says and Alex just gives a nod, not trusting her voice.

* * *

After making lunch for Ella and helping her eat it Olivia has walked over to the couch with the toddler where she has been sitting and reading for about twenty minute, doing her best to try and seem like she is okay even though she is very, very worried about Alex.

Olivia is nearly finished the book she is reading Ella when she hears footsteps and she looks over and sees George and Alex walking over. When she sees them Olivia gives Alex a supportive smile but before she can say anything her phone rights.

"Benson. Yes. Okay. Yeah, I'll be there when I can." Olivia says before hanging up.

"A case?" Alex asks.

"Um yeah, I can stay. I'll let Fin handle things." Olivia says, honestly not wanting to leave Alex.

"No, you should go." Alex says, it being clear that she doesn't want to be alone but at the same time she doesn't want Olivia to sacrifice anything to stay with her.

"I can stay, for however long you need." George informs Alex, noticing how uncomfortable she is.

"Thank you." Alex says, being grateful for that.

"Then I guess I'll see you later." Olivia says, "Bye, Bye Ella." Olivia says to the toddler before handing her to Alex and leaving. As she leaves Olivia can't help but think that she is abandoning her friend.

* * *

Having just finished with court Barba has returned to his office where he is completely shocked to find Jack McCoy waiting.

"Sir?" Barba asked doing his best to hide his surprise.

"Rafael." McCoy greats.

"Has something happened?" Barba asks, suspecting that the reason why McCoy is in his office is Torres.

"Yes. Torres's trial has been pushed up to Monday and he's going for an EED defence." Torres explains.

"He pushed up the trial? Really? Considering the evidence I expecting him to push it back as far as possible." Barba explains, focusing on one thing at a time.

"I think he wants it done with, and he might even be hoping that if it's sooner than Alex will be too traumatised to testify." McCoy explains.

"Makes sense." Rafael says then sighs, "What fake emotional distress is he using?" Barba asks.

"That Alex keeping his daughter away from him pushed him over the edge, caused him to have a psychotic break." McCoy explains.

"And the judge is letting him get away with that?"

"With the victim being Alex the judge doesn't want to risk the defence having grounds for appeal. The defence is allowed, but can be thrown out if the defence gives the judge a reason." McCoy explains.

"Great." Barba says sarcastically, "What do you need from me?"

"I need to go over your testimony with you, make sure you've told me everything and I'll need your help getting Alex ready." McCoy explains, "The defence is going to put her through the ringer, she's needs to be ready for that and having your help to make sure of that will help."

"When do you want to see her?"

"Tomorrow."

"Okay." Barba says with a nod, "I talk to her tonight."

"Good. I'll see you tomorrow." McCoy says before leaving.

After McCoy leaves Barba basically throws himself down into his chair being pretty sure that he feels like he hasn't slept for a month. As he leans back in his chair as he puts his feet up Barba finds himself thinking back to much simpler times.

 _October 2002_

 _It was a Friday night and Barba was catching up on paperwork in his apartment when he heard a knock on the door._

" _Your boyfriends an ass." Alex Cabot said the second Barba opened the door, even before Barba could say hello._

" _Hello to you too." Barba said as he closed the door as he did that Alex straight over to where Barba kept the scotch, "Tough week?" he asked as it was clear that Alex just came from the office as she put her bag down on the table._

" _Oh yeah, and most of it is your boyfriends fault." Alex informed Barba as she poured a drink for herself._

" _I'm not getting involved." Barba said as he walked over to the couch having been pretty sure that he is done with his paperwork for the night, whether he wanted to be or not._

" _That's probably a good idea." Alex admitted, as she sat down on the couch next to Barba, "I'm not going to ask you to get involved because that's not fair, but can I at least rant to you?" Alex asked curious._

" _As long as you don't expect me to say anything in response." Barba said._

" _I can live with that." Alex said before starting to rant about her latest cases and the roll Trevor Langer had been playing in making her job so much harder._

* * *

 _March 2003_

 _It had been a very long, busy week which is why Barba was sitting on his couch at ten pm on a Friday night doing paperwork when heard a knock on his door._

" _Just use your key." Barba called out, having recognized the knock and a few seconds later the door opens and Alex walks in, "Long week?" He asked as Alex kicked her shoes and hung up her coat, having looked completely exhausted._

" _Oh yeah." Alex confirmed as she walked over and sat next to Barba, having dropped her bag on the chair as she walked passed, "Barry Moredock is the defence council in my latest case."_

" _You're kidding." Barba says shocked, "What could you be arguing that would get him involved?" Barba asked as last he knew Alex was prosecuting one of Trevor's clients._

" _He thinks that I'm attacking the constitution." Alex explained as she took Barba's drink and drank some._

" _Okay, that makes sense now." Barba admits._

" _Barry taught me, taught us, almost everything I know to do with the law. How am I going to fight against him?' Alex asks_

" _That's not all he taught you."_

" _Really? Not even thirty seconds and you bring that up?" Alex asked with a sigh as she leaned back on the couch._

" _You knew it was coming." Barba told Alex._

" _Yeah, I did." Alex admits._

" _Answer me this Lexie, are you so worried about this because Moredock used to be our teacher or because you used to sleep together?" Barba asked as he too leaned back and turned to face Alex._

" _I'm worried because Barry is good, because he's one of the best and my case is shaky at best." Alex explained, "I don't know if I can win this one, Rafi, I don't know what to do." Alex admits._

" _You prep like hell." Barba told Alex, "You figure out every argument that Moredock could throw at you and you figure ways to beat them, that's what you do." Barba says, "You can win this Lexie, you can beat him, I know you can." Barba said as even though he knew nothing about the case he knew Alex and he knew that she could win._

" _Thanks Rafi." Alex said with a grateful smile._

* * *

Over an hour after McCoy left his office Barba hears a knock on his door.

"What?" Barba asks annoyed and Olivia walks in.

"Bad day Barba?" Olivia asks as most of the time Barba is more pleasant than that.

"Yeah, how's Lexie?"

"Not good." Olivia says as she sits down across from him, "When I got to the apartment I found her hiding in the closet. She was terrified. I called George and he managed to get her to come out, he was still there when I got a call from work."

"I should have realised it was too soon." Barba says, it being clear he is feeling pain about what his best friend is going through as well as guilt about not doing more to help her, "Lexie is barely hanging on and tonight I have to go home and tell her that the trial begins on Monday."

"Monday? It wasn't meant to start for weeks." Olivia say surprised.

"It's been pushed up and he's going with an EED defence." Barba explains.

"What possible emotional distress could he have?" Olivia asks angrily.

"Apparently Lexie keeping Ella from him pushed him over the edge, caused him to have a break." Barba says with a frown.

"So he's blaming Alex for the attack, wow, that can't be a legitimate defence." Olivia says.

"It's borderline, but it's being allowed to make sure there's no ground for appeal." Barba explains, "Casey and McCoy should be able to completely obliterate it." Barba explains.

"They better." Olivia says, "Would you like me there when you tell Alex about the trial?"

"Yeah, I think It would be best."

"Okay." Olivia says and they both drift into silence.

"Tell me about the case." Barba requests and that's what Olivia does.

* * *

A few hours later Olivia and Barba arrive back at Barba's apartment where they find George and Alex talking in the lounge room, it being clear that George is trying to calm Alex, and Ella is playing.

"It's just Liv and I, Lexie." Barba says as he closes and locks the door.

"Remember what we talked about." George says, "Focus on your breathing, in and out, deep breaths." George says and Alex gives a small nod. For the next few minutes it becomes clear that Alex is fighting the desire to run.

"So Rafi, how was your first day back?" Alex asks trying to distract herself from the desire to run.

"It was okay, until I returned from court and found McCoy waiting for me." Barba explains as he sits down on the coffee table and Olivia sits down on one of the chairs.

"What happened?" Alex asks the fear being clear in her voice.

"The trial's been moved up." Barba reveals, "It's starting Monday and Torres is going for an EED defence." Barba explains.

"Monday?" Alex asks, "That's too soon."

"I know, but it's happening." Barba explains and without a word Alex gets up and walks out of the room. "Damn it." Barba says, it being clear that he wants to help Alex but doesn't know how.

"Do you think Alex is up for a trial this soon?" Olivia asks George.

"It's hard to say, it's not going to be easy on her." George admits, "But putting this behind her. Alex knowing for sure that Torres is in prison will go very very far in helping her." He reveals.

"I think you're right, but even if you are I'm not going to convince Lexie to do anything that she doesn't want to do." Barba says, "You two are welcome to stay for dinner." Barba says before getting up and going to go talk to Alex.

As Barba leaves Olivia and George exchange a look and they both know that they are going to at least wait after Barba talks to Alex before they leave.

* * *

When Barba walks into Alex's room he finds her sitting on her bed staring at the wall, a dazed look on her face.

"Lexie?" Barba asks as he sits down next to her, "Lexie?" Barba asks again after about a minute of Alex not saying anything.

"Huh, Rafi?" Alex asks.

"Yeah." Barba says with a nod, "This isn't fair to you, you should have had more time to prepare; but these are the cards that have been played." He tells Alex, "If you're still willing to testify McCoy wants to see you tomorrow."

"I don't want to face him, I'm terrified of facing him, even in court." Alex admits, "But you're right, Olivia's right, George is right, I need to take my life back and this is the first step in doing that." Alex says, "So yeah, I'll meet with McCoy and I'll testify."

"You're making the right choice Lexie." Barba assures Alex.

"I might need you to remind me of that." Alex admits.

"You got it. I'll be by your side for this entire thing." Barba promises.

"I know." Alex says reaching out and grabbing Barba's hand, "And that means everything to me, Rafi." She says and her and Barba exchange smiles.

"Are you up to heading back out there? Olivia and Huang are still out there."

"Yeah." Alex says after taking a deep breath, "I think I am." Alex says and she and Barba head back out into the living room, where they find Olivia and George waiting.

"I'll testify." Alex tells Olivia and George who both give smiles in responds, "Rafi and I have to meet McCoy tomorrow, Liv can you be there too?" Alex asks as it would help her if Olivia is there too.

"Sure."

"Thank you."

"So Dr Huang, Liv, do you want to stay for dinner?" Barba asks curious.

"Sure." George says and Olivia nods.

* * *

Even with how tense things are and how worried all four of them were about what the next week is going to bring Olivia, Barba, Alex and George manage to have a great dinner together before Olivia left so that she could get home to Noah and George left so that he could just go home.

Because they know that the meeting with McCoy will take a while Barba and Alex are leaving Ella with Lucia at her school while they met with him.

"Thank you for doing this, Mami." Alex says.

"Please Lexie, you don't have to thank me." Lucia informs the woman who practically her daughter.

"I'll try and be back as soon as I can but we'll probably be gone for a few hours." Alex tells Lucia.

"That's fine I'll watch Ella, she'll be okay Lexie." Lucia assures her, being able to tell how worried Alex is.

"I know." Alex says as she completely trusts Lucia, but is also worried.

"Lexie, we should get going." Barba says, knowing that they don't want to be late for McCoy.

"Right, I love you sweetie, have a good time with Abuelita, I'll be back as soon as I can." Alex tells her daughter, placing a kiss on her head.

"Thanks Mami, I'll see you later." Barba says giving his mother a kiss on her cheek goodbye before he and Alex leave.

* * *

About forty minutes later Alex and Barba arrive at the DA's office and as they Barba goes to walk inside he notices that Alex has paused.

"Lexie? You okay?" Barba asks concerned.

"Yeah, it's just…. Been a long time." Alex says with a sigh.

"Yeah, it has." Barba confirms, "Are you sure that you're up for this?" he asks.

"Yes, no, yes." Alex says, "I'm ready." She tells Barba.

"Okay." Barba says and for the first time in three years Alex walks into the Manhattan DA's office.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

 **AN1** : Thank you for all the support that everyone reading has given me. It would mean a lot of you left a review, please.

* * *

It has been six days since Alex and Barba met with McCoy and in that time it has become even clearer that Alex is far from okay, and honestly Barba, Olivia and George are worried about what the trial is going to do to her.

It is Sunday night and Olivia and Noah are having dinner with Alex, Ella and Barba, at their place, something that has happened almost every night in the last week.

"So I know you were worried about who's going to look after Ella because all of us, and Lucia, have to testify, so I talked to Lucy and she said, if it's okay with you, she can watch Ella and Noah during the trial." Olivia informs Alex as they sit on the couch while Barba finishes making dinner.

"Really?" Alex asks, being thankful for that as it was one of the things she has been worried about the most.

"Yeah, she's completely okay with watching both of them." Olivia says.

"You trust her, right?" Alex asks, being pretty positive that Olivia wouldn't leave Noah with Lucy if she doesn't trust her but at the same time she wants to be sure.

"Completely." Olivia assures Alex, understanding that she would need that assurance.

"Okay." Alex says with a nod.

"Okay. So do you want to just bring her by tomorrow morning and then we can go to the courthouse together." Olivia suggests.

"Sounds good to me." Alex says.

"Dinner's ready." Barba informs Alex and Olivia, who both get up and head over to get Noah and Ella.

"So what did you make tonight Barba?" Olivia ask curious as Barba has been making different food every time the three of them have had dinner together at Barba's.

"Arroz con Pollo, It's something that my Abuelita used to make." Barba explains.

"It also tastes amazing." Alex adds as she has had it many time. She actually spent many hours, many years ago, tasting it over and over again while Barba tried to get the recipe right.

"Well I look forward to trying it." Olivia says as she puts Noah into the high chair while Alex does the same for Ella.

* * *

After dinner Olivia spent a couple more hours with Alex, Barba and Ella but after seeing how tired Noah is getting Olivia knows that it's time to head home.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Olivia tells Alex who is walking her and Noah to the door.

"Yeah, thank you Liv, for everything you're done, everything you're doing." Alex says, truly meaning her words.

"You don't have to keep thanking me Ally." Olivia assures her.

"It feels like I do." Alex admits, "Testifying against Connors was hard enough but this, this, feels so much harder." Alex admits.

"That's because it is." Olivia says, "But you can do this Ally, I know you can. Barba and I will be right beside you the entire time, he's even convinced McCoy to let him testify first so that he can watch the trial, and the whole squad has you're back. It will be okay."

"It doesn't feel like it." Alex says.

"I know." Olivia says, before slowly, so that she can stop if Alex looks like she is going to react badly, reaching out and taking Alex's hand, "It's nearly over, Ally."

"It doesn't feel like it." Alex says, "It feels like it's just starting all over again."

"I know." Olivia says, "You'll get through this, I promise you that Ally." Olivia says, trying to be as reassuring as possible.

Even though she is usually great with words Alex can't figure out how to say what she wants to say and so she leans in and places a kiss on Olivia's cheek, "Thank you, Liv."

"You're welcome, Ally." Olivia says, being so shocked that she doesn't respond with her normal 'you don't have to thank me', "I should get Noah home, I'll see you in the morning."

"See you then." Alex says and after Olivia and Noah walk out of the apartment Alex closes and locks the door behind them and walks back over to Ella and Barba, "Don't say it." She informs Barba when she sees the look on his face.

"I'm not saying anything." Barba says with a smirk which causes Alex to know exactly what he is thinking.

"Come on Sweetie, time for bed." Alex tells her daughter, picking her up while she purposely avoids looking at her best friend.

* * *

After getting practically no sleep Alex gets up deciding that she can't just lay in bed anymore and has a long shower; but even with spending longer than usual in the shower Alex manages to have two cups of tea before Barba gets up.

"I'm guessing that asking how you slept would be a stupid question." Barba says to Alex when he walks into the kitchen and sees her sitting at the bench.

"Yeah, it would be." Alex assures him.

"What would you like for breakfast?" Barba asks curious as he walks over to the fridge.

"Nothing, I don't think I could eat anything." Alex admits as Barba walks over to the fridge.

"Are you sure? You should really try." Barba says closing the fridge and walking over to Barba.

"Probably, but I can't. I'll be okay with tea." Alex informs Barba.

"Okay." Barba says, "You can do this Lexie."

"Yeah, so everyone's telling me." Alex comments, "I was lying in bed last night and I kept thinking about how I would try this case, I was thinking like a prosecutor."

"I'm not surprised, that's who you are." Barba says.

"Is it? I haven't been a prosecutor in eighteen months." Alex says as the last time she tired a case was when she was in Philadelphia.

"It's still who you are." Barba says.

"Yeah, but it doesn't help me when I'm the key witness." Alex points out, not wanting to call herself a victim.

"It does if it helps you stay calm, if it helps with your anxiety." Barba argues.

"Maybe." Alex says, not sure if she can believe that.

"McCoy and Casey have got this, they won't let him get off." Barba tells Alex.

"I know. I know how good they are, but I still wish you were the one trying this, or that I was." Alex admits as even with how good Casey and McCoy is the one person she completely trusts to try this case, other than herself, is Barba.

"So do I." Barba admits, "But they've got this, and I'll be in the courthouse the entire time, I'm make sure they do this right."

"Good, thanks Rafi." Alex says, being glad about that, "I should get Ella up, we've got to take her to Olivia's before heading to court."

"Sounds good. I'll make her some food, you may not be eating but she has to." Barba says and Alex nods.

* * *

An hour after talking in their kitchen Barba and Alex, with Ella, arrive at Olivia's apartment.

"Hi, come in." Olivia says letting Alex and Barba into her apartment.

"Hi." Alex says as she and Barba enter.

"How are you doing?" Olivia asks concerned.

"I don't know." Alex admits.

"I think considering the circumstances that's a good answer." Olivia says as honestly she wasn't expecting anything better than that.

"Yeah, guess so." Alex admits as she walks over to where Noah is, "Hey Noah." Alex says as she lets Ella down so that she can play with Noah. Hearing his name Noah looks up at Alex and smiles but then goes back to what he was playing with.

"Lexie, we should get going." Barba says.

"Right, I love you sweetie." Alex says to her daughter, giving her a long hug which honestly she doesn't want to end, "Has Olivia given you my number?" Alex asks Lucy, after standing up, being positive that she would have but needing to be sure.

"She has and I promise if anything I will call you both you and Olivia." Lucy promises.

"Thank you." Alex says, and Olivia walks over to her son and Ella, "Okay." Alex says with a sigh, "Let's go." Alex says forcing the words out of her mouth.

"I love you Noah, Bye Ella." Olivia says, having squatted down, "Let's." she says and she, Alex and Barba leave, both Olivia and Barba worried about how Alex is going to handle the next few days.

* * *

Forty minutes later, Alex, Barba and Olivia arrive at the courthouse and to their surprise they find Fin, Rollins, Carisi, George, Munch, Liz, Melinda and even Cragen waiting.

"Captain." Olivia says surprised to see him as she didn't know he was coming.

"I'm not your Captain anymore, Olivia." Cragen reminds her.

"What are you all doing here?"

"You're one of us Alex, there is no way we wouldn't be here." Fin informs her.

"Thank you." Alex says, it meaning a lot her to have all of them here, "You didn't ruin your holiday for me, did you?" she ask Cragen.

"No. We were coming back to the city tomorrow anyway, I just took an earlier flight." Cragen explains.

"Thank you, Don."

"Don't mention it." Cragen tells her.

"I really hope you're not talking about the case, you should know better." A voice says and everyone turns to see Casey and McCoy walking towards them, McCoy having been the one to speak.

"We weren't." Liz assures him.

"We do know better." Barba adds.

"Good. How are you doing?" McCoy asks Alex, there being concern in his voice.

"Okay." Alex answers, not entirely sure whether she is telling the truth.

"It's time." Casey says and she, McCoy and Cragen head into the courtroom and everyone else heads into the witness room.

* * *

"Prosecution call your first witness." The judge tells McCoy and Casey after opening statements.

"The People call Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba." McCoy says and Barba walks into the room.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?" The bailiff asks Barba.

"I do." Barba says before sitting down.

"Please state your name and position for the record."

"Rafael Barba, Assistant District Attorney." Barba answers.

"Mr Barba, It must be odd for you to be on that side of the witness stand." McCoy says as he stands.

"It is." Barba confirms.

"So I'll try and make this as quick as possible." McCoy says, "How long have you known Alexandra Cabot?"

"Just shy of twenty five years." Barba answers.

"And the defendant how long have you known him?"

"I met him for the first time approximately fifteen months ago." Barba answers.

"And what happened during that first meeting?"

"Felix Torres threatened me and demanded that I tell him where Lexie, Ms Cabot, was." Barba explains.

"How did he threaten you?"

"Torres pushed me against the wall and demanded that I tell him where Lexie was otherwise I would regret it." Barba says, not looking at Torres as he doesn't think he'll be able to keep the anger out of his voice if he does.

"And did you tell him?"

"No, I did not."

"Why not?"

"Because Lexie was afraid for her life and didn't want him to know." Barba answers.

"Did this meeting take place in New York?"

"Yes. Right outside my apartment building." Barba answers.

"And was that the last time Mr Torres threatened you?"

"Objection hearsay." Granger says.

"Establishes pattern your honour, I'm not asking about what words were said just the interactions" McCoy argues.

"Overruled, the witness may answer."

"No."

"How many times have you been threatened by Mr Torres?"

"Ten times over the last fifteen months." Barba answers.

"Objection, how can the witness know remember how many times he was allegedly threatened in such a long period of time?" Granger asks.

"Mr Barba how can you know that?" The judge asks.

"I reordered every time, I wanted to make sure there was a record of it." Barba answers.

"And at this time the people would like to introduce the peoples three, the printed and timestamped recorder of Mr Barba's records." Casey says as she hand the documents to McCoy who hands them to the judge.

"Overruled." The judge says as she accepts the documents.

"Let's talk about the night of May 20th. Why were you going to Ms Cabot's apartment?"

"I visited her and her daughter every day, we spent time together." Barba explains.

"And what did you find when you arrived?"

"When I arrived at Lexie's apartment I found out that the day doorperson had gone home sick leaving the building unattended. After hearing that I ran upstairs. When I run into the corridor of Lexie's floor I found the door open so I called out and ran into the apartment."

"And what did you find in the apartment?" McCoy asks.

"Lexie was on the ground, unconscious and bleeding, all her clothes were either ripped or missing, and her daughter, Ella, was on the ground next to her, crying." Barba explains.

"And what did you do?"

"I checked Lexie for vital signs, and once I found a pulse I picked up Ella and called the police and Sargent Olivia Benson." Barba answer.

"Why did you call Sargent Benson?" McCoy asks.

"Because I knew it would be a SVU case and Sargent Benson used to work with Lexie so I knew it would be better if she heard what happened from me rather than finding out when she arrived at the scene."

"Thank you. Your witness." McCoy tells Granger.

"Mr Barba what is the nature of your relationship with Alexandra Cabot?" Granger asks.

"We're best friends, I consider her to be family." Barba answers.

"And her daughter, she is named after you correct."

"Objection, relevance." McCoy and Casey say.

"It establishes state of mind your honour. It establishes how Ms Cabot sees her relationship with Mr Barba in comparison to other people in her life, including my client."

"I'll allow it, answer the question Mr Barba."

"Yes, Ella's legal first name is Rafaela and she is named after me." Barba answers.

"And you are Rafaela Cabot's godfather, and legal guardian in the event of something happening to Alex Cabot, correct?"

"Yes."

"Even though you're not Rafael's biological father?"

"Objection." Casey says.

"Move it along Mr Granger."

"You said you've known Ms Cabot twenty five years, how did you first meet?"

"At Harvard, which you know because you were there." Barba says.

"Mr Barba." The judge says in a warning tone.

"Sorry your honour."

"So twenty five years you and Ms Cabot have been friends, like family, would you consider yourself to be protective?"

"You could say that." Barba says, choosing his words carefully.

"In fact hasn't there been times when you have threatened people on behalf of Ms Cabot?"

"Objection, there is no records of these alleged incidents." McCoy says, having expecting that as Alex and Barba warned him about things Granger knows and could use against them.

"As Mr Barba established I was there when he and Ms Cabot met, and I was also present at some of these encounter and can call several other witnesses." Granger argues.

"Overruled. Answer the question Mr Barba."

"Yes, there has been."

"So isn't it fair to say that you lie for Ms Cabot if she asked or if you even thought she would want you to?"

"Objection."

"Withdrawn." Granger says, "Ms Cabot's moved frequently in the past eighteen months, whose idea was that?"

"Lexie's."

"Why?"

"Because she was terrified of your client. She was worried about what he would do if he found her, for good reason it seems."

"Objection." Granger says.

"Sustained. The jury will disregard the witness's last statement." The judge says.

"You work with police officers every day, but not just any offices the Special Victims Unit that focuses on things like the alleged incidents, if Ms Cabot was so afraid why didn't you go them, tell them what was allegedly going on?"

"Lexie didn't want me to. She was afraid that that would allow the defendant to find her and hurt her." Barba answers.

"So you let your best friend live in fear, and keep her to yourself, rather than go to the police."

"Objection."

"Withdraw." Granger says, "Do you like my client Mr Barba?"

"Objection, relevance."

"Mr Barba is Ms Cabot's best friend, he clearly has an influence over her, so his opinion would matter and Ms Cabot would take into considerations his feelings about my client when making her own decision"

"Overruled. The witness may answer."

"No, I do not." Barba answers.

"So your protective of Ms Cabot, you care about it, and you don't like my client. Isn't it fair to say that all this alleged abuse could be products of your jealousy rather than the truth?"

"OBJECTION."

"Withdraw. I have no more questions for this witness." Granger says before walking over and sitting back down.

"You may step down Mr Barba."

"Call your next witness Mr McCoy."

"The people call Detective Tutuola." McCoy says and while Barba walks to the gallery Fin walks up to the stand.

* * *

One by one Fin, Munch, Rollins, and Carisi get called to the stand before the court adjourned for the day. Once the court in adjourned Olivia, Alex, Barba, Cragen, Fin, Munch, Casey, Rollins, Melinda and George all head back to Olivia's to have dinner together with Lucy, Ella and Noah.

"So, how do you think things are going?" Olivia asks Casey as she was in the witness room so she doesn't know how things are going.

"About as good as they can be." Casey says, "The evidence is clear and unquestionable so Granger is using the EED defence to say that Alex and Barba's actions caused him to lose it and that he wasn't in control."

"And is he succeeding?" Olivia asks, hoping that he's not.

"Hard to say." Casey admits, "How's Alex doing?" she asks as she looks over at Alex who is sitting with Ella and Cragen.

"About as well as can be expected." Olivia admits, "She's holding on."

"Good." Casey says, being glad about that, "Granger is going to be brutal on her."

"She knows." Olivia says, "Alex, Barba and Granger have a complicated history, she can handle him."

"I hope so."

* * *

When Alex, Barba, Lucia, Olivia, Fin, Munch, Cragen, Casey, McCoy, Liz, Rollins, Carisi, Melinda and George arrive at the courthouse for the second day Barba, Cragen, McCoy, Casey, Fin, Munch, Rollins and Carisi all head to the courtroom while Olivia, Alex, Lucia, Liz, Melinda and George all head to the witness room.

Once the trial starts Liz, Melinda, Lucia, and George all get called to the stand one by one, George being the last until it is just Olivia and Alex waiting.

"It's okay, you're okay." Olivia says to Alex when she notices Alex starting to shake.

"I just want this over." Alex says, "The waiting is making this worse." Alex admits.

"I know, but it will be over soon." Olivia assures her.

"I know." Alex says as the door opens.

"Sargent Olivia Benson." The bailiff says.

"When it's your turn don't look at Granger or Torres, look at me, or Barba or Casey or McCoy or anyone else, don't give him the satisfaction." Olivia says, wanting to give Alex one more piece of advice before she has to go.

"I won't. You need to go." Alex says.

"Yeah, I do." Olivia says and she takes Alex's hand, gives it a squeeze then let's go before leaving.

As soon as Olivia leaves Alex can feel her anxiety grown and she realises just how empty the room feels.

"Just breathe." Alex tells herself, trying to stay calm as she knows that if given the chance then Granger will use it against her. As trying deep breathing doesn't help Alex starts to search through her pockets and pulls out a photo, a photo of Ella. As soon as Alex looks at the picture of her little girl she starts to feel herself relax.

* * *

"Your witness." McCoy says to Granger ten minutes after Olivia was called to the stand.

"Sargent Benson, even though you are the commanding officer of Manhattan Special Victims unit you didn't personally work this case, is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Why not?" Granger asks.

"I thought it would be best to stay with Alex, for her protection and because I believed that it was the best place for me to be." Olivia answers.

"I see, and how long have you known Alex Cabot?" Granger asks.

"Almost fifteen years." Olivia answers.

"And in those fifteen years what has the nature of that relationship been?" Granger asks.

"Approach your honour." McCoy requests and the judge nods.

"Is there a problem Mr McCoy?" The judge asks when McCoy, Casey and Granger are standing before her.

"Asking this question of Sargent Benson, putting her answer in the record, puts her, and Alexandra Cabot, at risk for discrimination and potential harm." McCoy argues.

"The nature of Sargent Benson's relationship with Alex highlights the bias that the Special Victims Unit showed while investigating this and the conflict of interest."

"You're going for an EED defence, not police misconduct and Sargent Benson's actions prove that she was acting in a way to avoid a conflict of interest." Casey says.

"I will talk to Sargent Benson in my chambers and decide whether the jury needs to hear the Sargent's testimony on this subject." The judge says.

* * *

"What is the nature of your relationship with Alex Cabot?" The judge asks Olivia once they are in the chambers.

"We're friends, close friends, but have been a couple in the past." Olivia answers.

"In the romantic and sexual sense?"

"Yes." Olivia answers, "That was why I chose to be at the hospital with Alex rather than work the case, so there couldn't be claims of conflicts of interest."

"Before this case who were aware of this relationship?"

"My squad, past and present, including Don Cragen, Rafael Barba, Liz Donnelly and I believe Arthur Brunch and Nora Lewin. Liz Donnelly and Don Cragen were our direct superiors when we were in a relationship and they were both aware."

"I see. And Don Cragen and Liz Donnelly weren't concerned about their relationship affecting the job?"

"They were, which is why we were under close scrutiny for a year, they made it clear that if our relationship affected the job then one or both of us would be reassigned." Olivia explains.

"I see. I at this stage I don't believe that the jury needs to hear and I'll make it clear that Mr Granger cannot question you or Alexandra about the nature of your relationship." The Judge informs Olivia.

"Thank you."

* * *

After Olivia's in chamber discussion with the judge she returned to the stand to finish her testimony where it became clear that Granger was annoyed that he couldn't ask about Alex and Olivia's relationship.

"Nothing further." Granger says.

"Mr McCoy."

"The people call Alexandra Cabot."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

 **AN1** : Thank you for all the support that everyone reading has given me. It would mean a lot of you left a review, please.

* * *

Alex has walked across the courthouse many, many times but as she walks form the back to the witness stand Alex is sure that it has never felt as long as it does this time.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?" The bailiff asks Alex once she is standing in front of the witness stand.

"I do."

"Please state your name for the record."

"Alexandra Cabot."

"Thank you for agreeing to testify today Ms Cabot, I know this can't be easy for you." Casey says as she stands up, "Let's start with something basic, do you know the defendant?"

"Yes."

"And how did you first meet?" Casey asks.

"Through a case I was working as an ADA in Philadelphia in September 2012." Alex answers.

"And what happened after that first meeting?"

"The defended invited me for coffee and after that coffee date we went out to dinner together, we started to date." Alex says, doing as Olivia suggested and looking at her and Barba instead of Torres.

"And in your words how would you describe your relationship with the defendant?" Casey asks.

"In the early days we had a good relationship, but then Torres started to become more controlling, he would limit who I could talk to, check my phone and all communications, he wanted to know where I was all the time." Alex explains.

"Objection, hearsay, and the alleged incidents happened out of the jurisdiction." Granger asks.

"Goes to pattern your honour." Casey argues.

"Sustained." The judge says, "Ms Novak please stick to questions regarding crimes within this jurisdiction."

"Yes, your honour." Casey says, "When did you return to New York?"

"November 30th 2013." Alex answers.

"And why did you return?"

"I was afraid for my life and the life of my unborn child." Alex answers, focusing on Olivia in hopes of trying to stay calm.

"Because of Mr Torres's actions?"

"Objection, leading."

"I'll rephrase." Casey says, "Why were you afraid for your life?"

"Because I had been attacked by the defendant and I was afraid that he was going to kill me." Alex says.

"And after you left Philadelphia when was the next time you saw the defendant?" Casey asks.

"May 20th 2015."

"The day off your attack."

"Yes." Alex answers.

"You said you didn't see the defendant, but did you have any other contact with him?" Casey asks.

"Not in person, but the defendant did break into the various places I was living and left threatening messages."

"At this stage the people would like to introduce into evidence peoples 10-15, threatening letters left for Alex Cabot written by the defendant." Casey says, "You've moved frequently for the past eighteen months, correct?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Casey asks.

"Because I was afraid of what the defendant would do if he found me." Alex explains.

"You worked with Manhattan Special Victims for years, why wouldn't you go to them and tell them that you were afraid?" Casey asks.

"Because I know the law, I knew that with what he did he would get bail and that getting an order of protection would tell the defendant where I was, and I believed that he would come after me and my daughter." Alex answers.

"Objection. What the witness believed has no relevant to this."

"Isn't Ms Cabot's believes and actions what you're basing your entire defence on?" Casey ask.

"Ms Novak is right Mr Granger, overruled."

"Let's go back to the afternoon of May 20th." Casey says, "Can you tell me in your own words the events of that afternoon."

"Yes." Alex says before taking a deep breath, "Just before 2pm I was sitting the floor of my apartment reading to my daughter Ella when I heard footsteps outside. At first I thought it was Rafi."

"Rafi?" Casey asks.

"Rafael Barba. I knew at some point he would come and visit, but then I realised that it didn't sound like him." Alex says, not looking away from Olivia and Barba because if she does she thinks she will fall apart, "I looked up then next thing I knew the door was broken in. I grabbed Ella and tried to run, but I didn't get far." Alex explains, "The defendant, Felix Torres, knocked me and Ella to the ground. I think that must have been when I hurt my arm."

"Objection, speculation." Granger says.

"Sustained."

"What happened next?" Casey asks.

"The defendant kept coming towards me with a knife, and because I was worried for the safety of my daughter I fought back." Alex explains, "He cut and stabbed me with the knife, and he overpowered me." Alex says,

"He?" Casey asks.

"The defendant."

"What happened next?" Casey asks.

"He ripped my clothes, and heled me down." Alex says, starting to shake slightly.

"Do you need a minute Ms Cabot?" Casey asks, noticing Alex's reaction.

"No, I can continue." Alex says, not being entirely sure that that's true.

"Okay, what happened next?" Casey asks.

"The defendant put on a condom and pushed his penis into my vagina." Alex says, being pretty sure that she is close to losing control but she forces herself to continue, "He raped me. It hurt so much, I thought I was being ripped in half." Alex says, closing her eyes, trying to force the memories down.

"Alex?" Casey's concerned voice asks after a minute, "Are you sure you don't need a minute?" she asks, being worried that maybe this is more than Alex can handle.

"No. I'm okay." Alex says, taking another deep breath, as she just wants everything over with as quickly as possible, "I fought back, I attempted to stop the defendant, but I didn't succeed." Alex says, "I was cut again and again and the defendant hit me multiple times. Once he was finished he pulled the condom off and ejaculated on my stomach." Alex says, feeling sick as she remembers that particular detail, "Once he was done with me he started to move towards Ella and because I was afraid that he was going to hurt her I fought back and I he knocked me down again, I don't remember anything else." Alex explains.

"Thank you Ms Cabot." Casey says, giving Alex a comforting smile, "Your witness."

"Ms Cabot how old is your daughter?"

"Seventeen months old as of two days ago."

"So she was born after you returned to New York?" Granger asks.

"Yes."

"And who is her father?" Granger asks.

"Objection, relevance."

"Ms Cabot has spent the last eighteen months hiding with her daughter, if she is doing that to keep her daughter away from a biological parent then the jury deserves to know." Granger argues.

"Overruled. The witness may answer."

"Biologically, Felix Torres." Alex answers, choosing her words carefully as she doesn't consider Torres to be Ella's father in any way other than biology and she never will.

"And in the last seventeen months have you allowed my client to visit with his daughter?"

"No, because I was worried about what he would do to her." Alex admits.

"You mean you wanted to keep your daughter all to yourself and your ideal family."

"Objection!"

"Withdrawn." Granger says, "How did you get from Philadelphia to New York?"

"I was driven."

"By whom?"

"Objection. Relevance."

"If I'm given a bit of latitude it will become clear." Granger tells the judge.

"Get there quickly Mr Granger. The witness may answer."

"I called Rafael Barba and he drove me from Philadelphia to New York." Alex answers.

"You worked with Manhattan Special Victims Unit from the year 2000 to 2003, and 2009 to 2012, correct?" Granger asks.

"Yes."

"And you became close to the detectives?"

"Yes."

"So even though you have years of experience with Sex Crimes and know the detectives well you chose to call an ADA, who you convinced not to tell anyone, instead of going to the police, why?"

"I was afraid." Alex answers.

"You were afraid, or did you know that you could manipulate your oldest, closest, friend into believing you but you knew that you couldn't lie to police officers?" Granger asks.

"Objection!"

"Withdrawn." Granger says, "Ms Cabot you spend time in Witness protection, didn't you?"

"Objection. Relevance."

"Goes to state of mind your honour." Granger argues.

"Overruled. Tread carefully Mr Granger. Please answer the question Ms Cabot."

"You know I did." Alex answers as she realise exactly where Granger is going with what he is saying.

"Ms Cabot." The judge says in a warning tone of voice.

"Yes, I spent three years in witness protection." Alex answers.

"And would you say that for that entire time you were in fear for your life?" Granger asks.

"I was afraid, yes." Alex answers.

"So is it fair to say that even after getting out of the program, even after your life was no longer in danger, you saw threats and danger everywhere for no reason?" Granger asks.

"Objection!"

"Withdrawn." Granger says, "I just have one last question Ms Cabot are you in love with Mr Barba?"

"Objection!"

"Withdraw. Nothing further." Granger says before walking back to the desk.

"You may step down Ms Cabot." The judge says.

"The people rest." McCoy says as Alex walks across the courtroom. When she gets to the gallery Alex walks over and sits between Barba and Olivia. As soon as she is sitting they both give her supportive looks and Olivia reaches over and gives her hand a squeeze in comfort.

* * *

For the next day and a half Alex sits between Olivia and Barba as Granger calls witness after witness, to attest to Torres being in a compromised state due to Alex keeping Ella away from him. With every witness Alex becomes more and more grateful that she is sitting between Olivia and Barba as they are helping her handle what is being said, but even with their comfort it doesn't make it easy for Alex to hear.

"Mr Granger are you prepared to proceed?" The Judge asks on the Thursday morning.

"Yes your honour." Granger says, "The defence call Trevor Langan to the stand."

"Objection, Mr Langan is Ms Cabot's lawyer and cannot testify without breaking privilege." McCoy argues.

"Along with being Ms Cabot's lawyer Mr Langan is an old friend of Ms Cabot and Mr Barba he has intimate knowledge of their relationship and can testify to the lengths they would go to protect one another." Granger explains.

"I'm going to allow this witness, but you are on thin ice Mr Granger, if you cross the line into privileged information the witness's testimony will be disallowed." The Judge explains.

"Yes, your honour." Granger says and Trevor is called to the stand, "Mr Langan, how long have you know Alexandra Cabot?"

"Almost twenty five years. We met at Harvard University." Trevor answers.

"And how would you define your relationship?"

"We're friends, I consider us to be good friends." Trevor answers.

"You also know Rafael Barba, do you not?" Granger asks and Trevor, Alex, Barba and Oliva are all sure that Granger is going to ask about Barba and Trevor's relationship.

"Yes, I do."

"You're friends with both Mr Barba and Ms Cabot, correct? You've seen how close they are?"

"Yes."

"In fact didn't you once state that Ms Cabot and Mr Barba are a package deal?" Granger asks.

"Objection, hearsay." McCoy says.

"There were many witnesses who herd the comment including myself, Mr Barba, and Ms Cabot, which makes it an exception to the hearsay rule." Granger argues.

"Overruled, the witness may answer."

"Yes, I did say that, about eighteen years ago." Trevor says.

"So you consider Ms Cabot and Mr Barba to be co-dependent."

"Objection. Mr Langan is a lawyer not a psychologist."

"Mr Langan is in the unique position to know the particulars of the relationship between Alex Cabot and Rafael Barba that makes him an expert in their relationship." Granger argues, due to the fact that he considers Trevor to be a friend he is doing his best not to out him while still giving his client a good defence.

"Overruled. Answer the question Mr Langan."

"No, I wouldn't. I would consider them to be close friends." Langan corrects.

"In the twenty five years you have known them have you known Ms Cabot or Mr Barba to be violent?" Granger asks and right away Alex, Barba, and Trevor know exactly what he is talking about.

"Only to defend themselves." Trevor answers.

"Is it true that in the past you've broken up fights between Ms Cabot, Mr Barba and other people?" Granger asks.

"Considering the other person was you, you know the answer is yes." Trevor answers.

"Have you known Ms Cabot or Mr Barba to lie for one another?" Granger asks.

"Not to my direct knowledge." Trevor answers.

"Your witness." Granger tells McCoy.

"The people have no questions for this witness." McCoy says and Trevor steps down.

"The defence calls Felix Torres to the stand." Granger says and Alex tenses at that, honestly not sure if she can handle hearing what Torres is going to say.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?" The bailiff asks.

"I do." Torres says as he sits down on the witness stand.

"Please state your name for the record."

"Felix Torres."

"Mr Torres do you love Alex Cabot?" Granger asks.

"I do." Torres says and Alex tenses, "I love her with every fibre of my being and if I was in control with myself I would never hurt her." Torres says, looking at the jury with a charming grin.

"And do you love your daughter?"

"Yes. All I want is to get to know my daughter, to be the father I haven't been allowed to be." Torres says, "I want us to be a family." Torres says, looking directly at Alex, who looks away.

"Mr Torres what happened on the afternoon of May 20th?" Granger asks.

"I had learnt where Alex and my daughter were living two days earlier and I was going to write a letter, but I decided to go over, I thought that if Alex and I talked in person then we could finally sort things out" Felix says, "I was desperate, I just wanted to see my daughter. I wanted to get to know her. " Felix says, looking at the jury and giving them a sympathetic look, "I knew Alex wouldn't let me in so I broke the door down, I know I shouldn't have, but I just wanted to see my little girl so badly." Felix says, trying to draw as much sympathy as possible, "Alex was reading to my daughter and I just wanted to hold her but Alex tried to run, she wouldn't let me get closer so I pushed Alex, just trying to get her to stop running." Felix explains, "Alex pushed back while holding my daughter and all I could think is that this is the person who's keeping my daughter away from me, I saw red and next thing I knew I was by the window and I heard Rafael Barba yelling Alex's name. I looked over and saw Alex on the ground she was unconscious and there was blood everywhere. My daughter was crying and I knew that Rafael Barba was coming and so I climbed out of the window. I knew that I couldn't explain what had happened." Torres says, "I love Alex and my daughter, I would never have hurt either of them if my daughter wasn't kept from me." Torres says and Alex shifts in her seat, resisting the urge to run.

"Your witness." Granger tells McCoy.

"You love Alex Cabot, do you?" McCoy asks as he stands up.

"Yes, deeply." Torres says.

"I see. I draw the jury's attention to the people's one." McCoy says before playing the video of Torres attacking Alex, while that happens Alex has to look away and Barba has to fight to keep his anger down as the video being shown for the first time on Monday was the first time saw it, "is this how you show you're love? By beating and raping, almost killing the woman you supposedly love?"

"I didn't mean to, I just wanted to meet my daughter."

"Why didn't you go through the courts?" McCoy asks.

"Because Alex has connections, she has friends in family court she could make sure that I never got to know my daughter." Torres says, "That's all I wanted, I wanted to get to know my daughter."

"If you love your daughter so much then why haven't you called her by her name?"

"Objection."

"Withdrawn." McCoy says, "did you break into Alex Cabot's apartment?'

"Yes, but…"

"Did you attack her with a knife?"

"Yes, but…"

"Did you rape Alexandra Cabot?"

"Yes, but…."

"Nothing further." McCoy says.

"Cross, your honour?" Granger asks.

"Go ahead."

"Mr Torres, how does watching this video, seeing your actions, make you feel?" Granger asks.

"I can't believe I did that. I would never hurt Alex, I love her and my daughter. I don't even recognize the person in that video, I would never believe I was capable of something so horrendous." Torres says.

"Thank you, Mr Torres." Granger says, "The defence rests, your honour."

"Mr Granger are you ready to procedure with closing statements?"

"Yes, Your honour." Granger says standing up, "What happened to Alexandra Cabot was horrible, there is no denying that, but at the time of the assault Mr Torres wasn't in his right mind, he was under extreme emotional distress. For months his daughter had been kept from him, hidden away, by her paranoid mother. Mr Torres isn't a predator he is a father who was desperate to meet his daughter, just like any other parent." Granger says before walking back over and sitting down.

"The defences' argument of a parent doing whatever they can for their child is exactly what Alex Cabot was doing, she left Philadelphia out of fear for her life and she hid herself away to protect herself and her daughter. You've seen the tape the defended broke into Ms Cabot's apartment, after months of harassment, and brutally raped and assaulted her, there is no excuse for that, no matter what the defence would have you believe."

* * *

It has been an hour since the jury were adjourned for deliberation and ever since Casey, Barba, McCoy, Alex, Olivia, Fin, Munch, Melinda, George, Cragen, Liz, Carisi, Trevor, and Rollins have been in Barba's office waiting to hear something.

"It shouldn't be too much longer." Casey comments.

"It could be, you can never tell with a jury." Liz says, saying something that everyone in the room knows, "How are you doing?" Liz asks Alex who is sitting in Barba's chair.

"I don't know, I just want them to hurry up." Alex admits.

"Why don't you go home or go see Ella?" Rollins suggests.

"I can't, I need to be here when the jury comes back."

"I was watching the jury when Torres was testifying, any of the jurors who were buying into his charm weren't once they saw the video again." Casey tells Alex.

"I hope you're right." Alex says and before any of them can say anything there is a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" Barba asks.

"The Jury's back." Barba's assistant tells everyone and one by one everyone heads out of the office until it's just Alex, Barba and Olivia in the office.

"Lexie?" Barba asks concerned, "You can wait here if you need to." Barba tells her.

"No. I need to see this through." Alex says and calling on basically all her courage Alex gets up and with Olivia and Barba either side of her Alex walks out of her best friends office and back to the courtroom.

* * *

"Has the jury reached you're a verdict?" The judge asks.

"We have your honour." The foreperson says. "On the charge of stalking in the fourth degree we find the defendant, Felix Torres, guilty." The foreperson says and Alex feels a sense of relief as she knows that at least he is being put away for something. "One the charge of criminal trespassing in the first degree we find the defendant, guilty." The foreperson says and Alex feels a bit more relief. "On the charge of harassment in the first degree we find the defendant, guilty. On the charge, of aggravated harassment in the second degree, we find the defendant, guilty. On the charge, assault with a deadly weapon, against Alexandra Cabot we find the defendant, guilty. On the charge, assault with a deadly weapon, against Rafaela Cabot we find the defendant, guilty. " The foreperson says and with ever charge Alex feels a bit more relief, because they know at the more serious charges are coming up both Olivia and Barba reach out and each take one of Alex's hands, "On the charge of sexual abuse in the first degree we find the defendant, guilty." The foreperson says and knowing what the next two charges are Alex tenses, "On the charge of attempted murder in the first degree, we find the defendant, guilty." The foreperson says and Alex isn't sure if she could describe how that makes her feel, "And on the final charge, rape in the first degree, we find the defendant, guilty." The foreperson says and Alex feels both Olivia and Barba give her hand a squeeze in comfort, but honestly she isn't sure that she believes what she just heard.

"Members of the jury the state of new York thanks you for your service, you are free to go. Felix Torres you are to be healed in the custody of the state of New York until sentencing. Court is adjourned." The judge says before banging his gavel.

"Lexie." Barba's voice says, snapping Alex out of her daze.

"It's over." Olivia says, "He'll never hurt you again." Olivia says and Alex nods, stands up and walks over to Casey and McCoy.

"Thank you Casey, Jack." Alex says, shaking both of their hands.

"I'll be asking for the maximum on every charge to be served consecutively, he'll never get out." McCoy tells Alex, who just gives a nod while she stares at Torres who is being lead out of the courtroom.

"This is very good for the custody case." Trevor says as he stuck around to watch the rest of the trial, "Especially considering one of the counts of assault with a deadly weapon was against Ella, thanks to that we have a very good chance of getting his rights striped." Trevor says, "I'll let you know when I hear when the custody hearing is." Trevor tells Alex.

"Thank you, Trevor." Barba says and Trevor nods and leaves, "Let's get out of here." Barba says to Alex who is staring at the door where Torres was taken out off, in response Alex just gives a nod and follows the others out of courthouse.

(line break)

More than a few hours later Olivia, Alex, Noah, Ella, Lucy, Barba, Fin, Munch, Cragen, Casey, George, Melinda, Rollins and Carisi are at Olivia's having a celebratory dinner.

"How do you think she's doing?" Olivia asks Barba as she looks over to Alex who is sitting on the ground with Noah and Ella.

"I don't know. I'm not entirely sure she's accepted what happened." Barba admits, looking worriedly at his best friend.

"Hopefully she can move on now." Olivia comments.

"Hopefully." Barba says and the two of them head back over to the others. Olivia heads straight over to Alex while Barba heads over to Fin and Casey.

"How are you?" Olivia asks Alex in a quiet voice.

"I don't even know." Alex admits and before Olivia can say anything her phone rings.

"Benson." Olivia answers, "What? Are you sure? I'm with her right now. Yes Sir. I will sir. We'll be right in." Olivia says before hanging up and as soon as Olivia's phone started to ring everyone turns and looks at her, and everyone realises that whatever news she is getting is bad news.

"Liv? What is it?" Alex asks, terrified of the answer.

"That was Dodds." Olivia reveals, "Felix Torres was being transported to Rikers when he somehow managed to break free of his restraints. He killed the guards that were transporting him and has escaped." Olivia reveals, looking right at Alex, "His current whereabouts are unknown."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

 **AN1** : Thank you for all the support that everyone reading has given me. It would mean a lot of you left a review, please.

* * *

"No, no, no, no." Alex says, starting to hyperventilate.

"Look at me, Ally. Focus on me." Olivia says, "Just breath, in and out, you can do it." Olivia says, being sure not to touch Alex as she is sure that that it will make things worse.

It takes well over ten minutes but Alex finally manages to get her breathing under control. While Olivia is doing that Fin, Munch, Rollins and Carisi get into defensive positions just in case something happens.

"I'm so sorry, Ally." Olivia says.

"I just want this to be over." Alex says, completely breaking apart, something that Olivia, Barba and George know has been a long time coming, "Is that too much to ask?" Alex asks Olivia through her tears.

"No, Ally, it's not." Olivia says slowly moving so that she can give Alex a hug, being prepared to stop if it looks like Alex is too uncomfortable, but to Olivia's surprise Alex does the opposite, she leans in.

While Olivia holds Alex while she cries everyone else in the room just stand around awkwardly, not really sure what to do. As Barba watches Alex fall apart Barba wishes that there was something he could do to help his best friend and he hates, with every fibre of his being, how much pain she is in.

"Liv, what did Dodds say?" Fin asks about ten minutes later.

"He wants us all at the precinct so that we can work out a way to find Torres and figure out a protection detail, he said it's our case." Olivia explains as she rubs her hand comforting on Alex's back.

"How about we head in." Rollins suggests, "And you can come in when you're ready." She tells Olivia.

"That would be a good idea." Olivia says and everyone but Olivia, Alex, Barba, Lucy, Ella and Noah leave.

Once everyone else leaves Barba walks over to Alex and Olivia while Lucy walks over to Ella to make sure they are okay.

"Mommy?" Ella asks, finally realising that something is wrong with her mother. At her daughter's words Alex pulls away from Olivia.

"Hi sweetie." Alex says after wiping her eyes.

"Sad?" Ella asks, having walked right over to her mother.

"Yeah, I'm sad." Alex tells her daughter who just hugs her.

While Alex and Ella hug Barba and Olivia exchange a look, saying without words that this is bad and it being perfectly clear that they both hate how much pain Alex is in.

"Lexie." Barba says placing his hand on Alex's shoulder while she hugs her daughter, "We should head into the precinct." Barba tells her and Alex gives a small nod.

* * *

Half an hour later, after doing their best to make things as safe as possible for Alex, Oliva, Barba, Ella, Noah and Lucy arrive at the precinct, because they knew that Torres is more than willing to go after anyone important to Alex to hurt her Olivia wasn't going to leave Lucy and Noah alone at her apartment.

When they arrive at the precinct Alex, Oliva, Barba, Lucy and the kids find Dodds briefing the squad.

"Have you got anything?" Olivia asks as they walk in.

"Not yet." Dodds answers, "We have APBs out and everyone in the city is looking for him, we'll find him Ms Cabot." Dodds says and Alex, not trusting her voice, just gives a nod.

"Why don't you and Lucy take Ella and Noah into my office." Olivia suggests, looking at Alex.

"Okay." Alex says and she and Lucy head into Olivia's office with the kids.

"How the hell did this happen?" Olivia asks once the door to her office is closed.

"It looks like Torres dislocated his thumb to get free. He got a gun of one of the guards before they could do anything, he killed both the guards and escaped, with the gun." Dodds explains.

"He could have escaped at any time why would he choose now?" Barba asks.

"Because he wanted to go the trial. He wanted to put Alex through that." George explains, "It was just another way for him to control Alex."

"What are we going to do for Alex to keep her safe?" Olivia asks, "We all know that Torres is going to go after her, or anyone she cares about."

"Protective custody for her and those who Torres is most likely to go after." Dodds explains.

"So that would be me, Olivia, Ella, Mami." Barba answers and Dodds nods.

"Torres is going to come after Alex, she as betrayed him in the ultimate way, he just wants her to suffer and pay." George says, "He'll go after Alex and won't care who gets in his way."

"We need to get Alex to a safe house and keep the protection in house." Fin says, "We still don't know what connections he has."

"Set it up." Olivia says as she and Barba head to Olivia's office to talk to Alex.

* * *

When Barba and Olivia walk into Olivia's office they find Lucy sitting on the couch reading to both Ella and Noah while Alex is sitting on Olivia's chair with a dazed look on her face.

"Lucy why don't you take Ella and Noah next door to have a look at the toys." Olivia suggests.

"Sure, Liv." Lucy says and she heads into the other room with Ella and Noah. As Lucy leaves Barba walks over to Alex.

"Lexie?" Barba asks, as he sits down on the desk right next to where Alex is sitting on the chair. "Lexie are you with me?" Barba asks as he reaches over and puts his hand on Alex's arm. Barba's action causes Alex to flinch back and even push the chair away.

"It's just me, you're okay." Barba informs Alex, trying to help her.

"Sor…." Alex starts to say but Barba cuts her off.

"Don't, it's okay." Barba assures her.

"Alex we've got to get you and Ella to a safe house under protective custody." Olivia informs Alex.

"No." Alex says to Olivia and Barba's complete shock.

"Lexie…" Barba starts to say and Alex cuts her off.

"I will go to a safe house and I want more than anything for Ella to be safe, but she's not safe with me." Alex says, "Ella needs to stay with the two of you, here with the squad." She says to Barba, "It's the only way she'll be completely safe."

"Ally, are you sure?" Olivia asks shocked as Alex is making an impossibly hard decision and as a mother Olivia understands that even with as hard as it is going to be for Alex to be separated from her daughter she is doing so because it's the best way to keep Ella safe.

"Yes." Alex answers, it being painful for her to do so, "He is going to come after me and he won't care who's in the way, Ella won't be safe with me." Alex says, focusing on what's best for Ella instead of how panful it is for her to admit that, "But I know she will with you." Alex says looking at Barba, "I trust you." Alex tells Barba, "Both of you." She adds looking at Olivia.

"Okay. I'll assign Fin as your protection detail. He won't let anyone hurt you." Olivia says and Alex nods.

"I should talk to Ella, explain everything to her." Alex says before getting up and heading into the other room.

"She's given up." Barba says once Alex is out of the room, looking like her can barely believe what he is saying.

"No, she hasn't." Olivia says, "She's accepted the worse and is now focusing on keeping Ella safe." Olivia says as the door opens and Lucy walks in holding Noah.

"What's going on?" Lucy asks Barba and Olivia.

"Can you explain? I have to tell the others what's going on." Olivia tells Barba who nods.

* * *

"Ella." Alex says as she sits down next to where her daughter is playing.

"Mommy."

"Can you come here for a second, I need to talk to you." Alex tells her daughter and Ella drops what she is playing with and walks over to her mother. Once Ella is close enough Alex picks up her daughter and sits her on her lap, "Ella, sweetie, I have to go away for a while."

"Why?" Ella asks confused.

"Because it's something I have to do." Alex tells her daughter, "But while I'm gone Tío Rafi and Olivia are going to be with you. They'll look after you." Alex says her daughter.

"Why?" Ella asks.

"Because it's what's best." Alex says, "I love you so much Ella. I love you more than anything." Alex tells her daughter, fighting to stop the tears that are threatening to fall as she doesn't want to fall apart in front of her daughter.

"Hug?" Ella asks and Alex hugs her daughter and as she does Alex is sure that she doesn't want to let go.

* * *

For almost ten minutes Barba watches as Alex holds Ella, it being more than clear to him that Alex is saying goodbye to her daughter, just in case. Finally Alex gets up and heads comes back in the room, as she does Lucy heads back in the other room with Noah so that the two kids can play together.

"That was the hardest thing I've ever done." Alex tells Barba.

"It looked like it." Barba says, "You were saying goodbye." He comments, it was clear to him that Alex wasn't just saying goodbye for now she was saying goodbye for good.

"I was." Alex confirms, "Rafi, if he manages to kill me this time, you'll have custody of Ella. You'll be the only parent she has."

"Lexie…" Barba starts to say.

"No, I need to say this." Alex says, cutting him off before he can say anymore, "Be there for her Rafi, look after her, love her, and when she is old enough make sure she knows how much I love her and how much she means to me. Make sure she knows who I am." Alex tells Barba.

"She will. I promise Lexie, she will." Barba says before hugging, fighting to stop the tears from rolling down his face as he knows that it's a very real possibility that Torres will kill Alex, "I love you, Lexie." Barba says as he hugs Alex.

"Te quiero, Rafi." Alex says back.

For a few minutes Alex and Barba hold each other both realising that they are saying goodbye, possibly forever.

"Oh, sorry, everything's ready." Olivia says, walking back into her office.

"Okay." Alex says as she and Barba break apart.

"I'll give you two a minute." Barba says before leaving, giving Olivia and Alex their privacy, knowing without a doubt that they need it.

"Don't give up, Ally." Olivia says walking over to Alex as Barba leaves, "We'll get him."

"I'm just being realistic." Alex says, "He wants me dead." She says, looking over at Olivia who is now standing next to her.

"Well he's going to have to go through us if he wants to hurt you again." Olivia informs Alex.

"He will." Alex says, "He won't care who he hurts." Alex informs Olivia, "If Torres succeeds then Rafi will be the one raising Ella; but he'll need help and support, they'll need you, Olivia."

"I will do whatever I can to help, but they need you, Alex" Olivia says, getting upset, "I need you." Not knowing what to say and knowing that there is a real possibility that this is goodbye Alex leans in and kisses Olivia. At first Olivia is shocked but after a few seconds she puts her arms around Alex and gives in to the kiss.

* * *

"Torres broke out of custody, has military training and connections to drug cartels. We're not going to be able to catch him unless he wants to be caught." Carisi tells the others while they are waiting for Olivia and Alex to come out into the squad room.

"He'll make a mistake again and we'll get him." Dodds says.

"Before or after he tries to kill Alex again?" Rollins asks.

"Before." Dodds says.

"You don't know that." Barba says, "Lexie is expecting to be killed and honestly I don't blame her." He admits, it being clear that it is killing him to do so.

"He'll have to go through me to hurt Alex and I'm not going to let that happened." Fin promises Barba, who gives a small nod.

"You and Alex should get going, before Torres can get people in place to follow." Cragen says.

"I'll go get Olivia and Alex." Munch says.

"I'd call out first, but whatever you do don't knock" Barba says and Munch nods. About a minute later Oliva and Alex, both looking far from okay, along with Munch walk over to where the group is.

"You ready to go?" Fin asks Alex.

"No, but let's go." Alex says.

"It won't be for long, we'll get him." Dodds tells Alex.

"Yeah…" Alex says, it being clear that she doesn't believe that, "Rafi…" she starts to say and as soon as she does Barba knows exactly what Alex is going to say.

"I will, promise." Barba says and he and Alex share a look, a look which says so much.

"Let's go Counsellor." Fin says.

"Go out the back." Olivia instructs and Fin nods before he and Alex leave, everyone watching them as they go, Barba wondering if this will be the last time he sees his best friend.

"I want Torres found and I want him found now. Whatever it takes." Olivia says.

* * *

After leaving the precinct Alex and Fin travel to the safe house, an apartment in hell's kitchen, Fin doing everything in his power to make it hard, if not nearly impossible, for anyone to follow them.

"This place is completely off the books, it's as safe as can be." Fin says as he lets Alex into the apartment, "Wait here a minute." Fin says while he goes and check through the rest of the apartment.

While Alex waits for Fin she can't help but think about her first few nights in WITSEC and how terrified she felt that she was going to be found and killed.

"We're alone." Fin says as he walks back in, "You'll be safe here."

"You hope."

"No, I'll make sure of it." Fin says opening the bag he brought with him, "Here." Fin says pulling a gun and holster out of the bag.

"Your backup?" Alex asks surprised.

"Yeah, if I remember correctly you know how to use it." Fin says as one day about thirteen years ago all the detectives and Alex went to the range together where they found out that Alex is actually a pretty good shot, "keep it hidden, but within arm reach at all times, just in case." Fin says.

"I will." Alex says, knowing how big of a deal it is for Fin to give her a gun and it meaning a lot to her.

"He won't get near you, I won't let him." Fin tells Alex.

"I don't want you to be hurt because of me." Alex says.

"Alex, we've known each other fifteen years, we started SVU together, were the new kids together, and we're a family, girl. You're one of us even without the badge, you always have been and always will be, and I won't let one of my own get hurt." Fin says and to his shock Alex walks over and hugs him.

"Thank you, Fin." Alex says as she does.

* * *

"Anything?" Olivia asks over two hours after Alex and Fin left.

"Nope. The only calls and visits that Torres got were form his lawyer." Carisi tells her.

"Then we've got to get Granger down here, he has to know something." Olivia says.

"Even if he didn't have attorney client privilege Granger wouldn't say anything, not to us." Barba informs Olivia, knowing that without a doubt.

"You don't know that." Olivia says, "We've got to try, we're running out of leads."

"I know we are, but I've known Granger twenty five years, he won't talk to us." Barba tells Olivia.

"Is there anyone you can think of that he will talk to?" Rollins asks.

"Yeah, I'll make a call." Barba says before heading to Olivia's office, knowing that he is going to have to ask his ex-boyfriend for a really big favour.

* * *

"I forgot that you're amazing at board games." Fin tells Alex after they had been playing games for several hours.

"Is that why Eliot always used to beat me?" Alex asks.

"Stabler used to beat everyone." Fin says.

"That's true." Alex realise, "Has he reached out to anyone since he left?" as that has been something she has been curious about but she had no one to ask as Barba wouldn't know and she didn't want to ask Olivia in case it caused her pain.

"No. he didn't even call Liv during the Lewis case." Fin explains, knowing that for a fact, and looking less than happy about that.

"Wow." Alex says, shocked about that, and wondering why Elliot wouldn't call, "We can't open the windows can we?"

"No. it's probably better that you don't go near them." Fin says and Alex nods, "It's getting late, why don't you try and get some sleep." Fin suggests.

"I won't be able to sleep." Alex says, knowing that without a doubt.

"You can try." Fin suggests, "It might do you some good."

"I guess trying won't hurt." Alex admits being sure that she won't succeed.

"I'll be right out here, call if you need anything." Fin informs Alex who nods.

* * *

It has been a few hours since Barba made the call to Trevor and he is sitting with the others in the squad room waiting for some lead when his phone goes off.

"I'll be right back." Barba says as he stands up.

"Your contact?" Olivia asks as Barba walks across the squad room.

"Yeah." Barba responds.

After leaving the squad room Barba heads downstairs where he meets up with Trevor who is wanting.

"Hi, thank you for doing this Trevor." Barba says when he sees him.

"It's the least I could do. Have you got any leads?" Trevor asks.

"No. We've hit a brick wall which is why I'm hoping you got something." Barba tells Trevor.

"Granger was tight lipped, but he gave enough hints. I would bet good money on Granger knowing exactly what his client was going to do." Trevor says, "And he definitely knows that Torres want's Alex dead."

"Do you think he knows where Torres is?" Barba asks.

"He wouldn't have agreed to go drinking with me if he did." Trevor says, "He's too smart, he knows that it's too risky to know that. He knew what Torres would do, not where he is. How's Alex?'

"Not good, she's expecting to be killed." Barba says, "I should get back. Thank you Trevor."

"No, problem, let me know if there is anything else I can do." Trevor tells Barba.

"I will." Barba says before heading back upstairs.

* * *

Alex has been lying in bed for a while trying to get to sleep when she hears a noise in the other room, fearing the worse Alex gets the gun and stands up before walking towards the door. She doesn't get more than a few steps when the door opens and the light is flicked on.

"Goodbye Alex." Torres says before firing a gun at her. Alex dives to the ground but she feels a bullet graze her shoulder, just above her previous bullet wound. Once she is on the ground not letting herself focus on the pain, Alex crawls towards the guns she dropped.

"Hiding won't help you. You're mine and you're dead." Torres says just as Alex manages to get the gun. Once she gets to it Alex picks it up and starts to fire at Torres, just as he fires at her.

* * *

At the precinct it is clear that everyone is getting more and more annoyed that they are getting nowhere.

"There has to be something, this guy has to have left some clue." Munch says as Dodd's phone starts to ring.

"Dodds." He answers, "Yes, I understand, thank you." Dodds says, "Shots have been fired at the safe house." Dodds says before running out of the squad room, everyone, except for Lucy, Casey, and the kids, following right behind him.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

 **AN1:** So this is the last chapter. Thank you so so much to everyone who has supported me.

* * *

Thanks to the fact that they speed with lights and sirens and the time of night Olivia, Barba, Dodds, Munch, Rollins, Carisi, George, Cragen and Melinda arrive at the safe house within ten minutes. As they make their way upstairs, Olivia, Dodds, Munch, Rollins, George and Carisi pull their guns while Cragen pulls Rollins's backup which she leant him while Melinda and Barba follow behind.

When they burst into the apartment the group finds Fin unconscious on the ground.

"Is he okay?" Olivia asks as she continues to move through the apartment, wanting to find Alex.

"He's unconscious, I see no other wounds." Melinda answers.

"We've got a body." Olivia says and everyone else in the room tenses, "its Torres, he's dead." She says, after checking for a pulse, while she does she notices another figure on the ground, "ALEX." Olivia says racing to the person she considers to be the love of her lives side.

"I'm okay." Alex says, dropping the gun that she has been holding onto for dear life since she got it back.

"You're bleeding." Olivia realise, seeing that both Alex's shoulder and right leg are bleeding, her leg more than her shoulder, "MELINDA, GEORGE." Olivia calls as she reaches out and grabs Alex's hand that is in a cast as that is the side that's not bleeding, and the two doctors along with Barba run in.

"Fin? Is he okay? I couldn't get to him." Alex tells Olivia as she managed to drag herself a few feet across the floor but with the injuries she already had, added the new wounds, the task was nearly impossible.

"He's unconscious, but he seems fine." George says.

"We need to stop the bleeding." Melinda says as while the shoulder seems like a graze the leg wounds seems to be slightly worse.

"There are towels in the bathroom." Olivia says and Barba gets up and runs to the bathroom, returning a few seconds later with towels.

"A bus is on its way, and Fin is awake." Munch says as Melinda and George try to stop Alex from bleeding out.

"Good. Hold on Alex, please hold on." Olivia says, getting a sense of déjà vu, in response Alex just gives a nod, feeling herself getting weaker.

* * *

Two hours later Olivia, Barba, Ella, Noah, Lucy, George, Cragen and Fin are waiting in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for news about Alex while Rollins, Carisi, and Dodds work the scene with Melinda.

"Maybe you should go home and get some rest." Munch tells Fin, being pretty sure that it is useless request.

"I can't. He snuck up on me, I was meant to protect her and she was shot." Fin tells Munch, blaming himself for Alex getting hurt as he didn't protect her, he broke his promise and now Alex is paying the price.

"That's not on you."

"Yes, it is." Fin says, knowing that it doesn't matter what anyone say he'll still blame himself.

"Family of Alexandra Cabot?" A doctor asks as he walks in.

"Yes, how is she?" Barba asks as everyone rushes over to the doctor, he and Olivia getting there first.

"Ms Cabot is stable. She had a graze to her shoulder and a through and through to the leg. There was a large amount of blood lost but she has been given a transfusion and is now completely stable, she can go home tomorrow."

"Thank you. Can we see her?" Olivia asks.

"She's down the hall room 208, but only two at a time, its hospital policy." The doctor says.

"Thank you." Barba says.

"Say hello for all of us." George tells Barba and Olivia.

"She'll want to see Ella." Olivia tells Barba.

"So we bend the rules." Barba says walking over and getting Ella from Lucy, knowing without a doubt that Olivia is right and that the person Alex will most want to see the most is Ella.

* * *

A few minutes later Barba, Olivia, and Ella walk in the room where they find Alex lying in bed with an IV attacked, her arm that's not in a cast in a sling, and her leg up on a pillow with a bandage around it.

"MOMMY." Ella says happily.

"Hi sweetie." Alex says, happy to see Ella and Olivia and Barba.

"How are you doing Ally?" Olivia asks as she sits down on the edge of Alex's bed while Alex hugs Ella, tightly it being clear that Alex is thrilled to hold her daughter again.

"I'm not sure." Alex admits, "I killed him, didn't I?" Alex asks looking between Olivia and Barba, not letting go of Ella.

"He's dead, yes." Barba informs Alex, "It's over, truly this time." He says and Alex just nods, trying to comprehend everything.

"Dodds and McCoy will be here soon wanting a statement." Olivia tells Alex.

"He shot at me, I fired back." Alex tells Olivia.

"And when the evidence proves that you'll be off the hook." Olivia says, trying to be as reassuring as possible, "Like Barba said it's over, for good this time."

"Yeah, I guess it is." Alex says as she reaches out and takes Olivia's hand, exchanging a smile with her a she dose. For the first time in over eighteen months Alex feels that maybe, there is a chance that everything will be okay.

* * *

"I don't know if this is a good idea." Barba tells Alex as he, Alex and Ella make their way through the corridor of the medical examiner's office, Alex on crutches, while Barba holds Ella.

Just like Olivia said they would Dodds and McCoy showed up at the hospital less than an hour after Olivia and Barba could see her to get her statement. After less than five minutes Dodds and McCoy told Alex that there would be no charges filed and he left.

Alex has just been realised from the hospital and instead of going home Alex asked to be taken to the medical examiner's office.

"I need to do this Rafi, I… I just need to do this." Alex says as she knows that she won't truly feel safe until she sees Torres's body for herself.

"Okay." Barba says, realising that he isn't going to be able to talk Alex out of it, "Do you want me to come in with you?"

"No. Ella shouldn't have to see this, and I need to do this alone."

"Okay. Then I'll be right out here." Barba says and Alex nods. After taking a minute to collect herself Alex pushes open the door and hobbles into the morgue.

* * *

"I really shouldn't be doing this." Melinda says when she sees Alex.

"I know. I owe you Melinda."

"You don't owe me anything, Alex." Melinda assures Alex as she walks over to the fridge that Torres is being kept in, "Take as long as you need." Melinda tells her.

"Thank you." Alex says and Melinda leaves, leaving Alex and the dead, covered, body of Felix Torres. For a few minutes Alex just stares at the white sheet trying to prepare herself before she is finally able to reach out and pull back the sheet.

* * *

As Barba waits outside holding Ella he can't help but wonder whether Alex seeing Torres's body is a good idea but at the same time he realises that it could help her get some closure. With every minute that passes Barba finds himself leaning more towards it being a bad idea than a way to help Alex get closure.

"Mommy?" Ella asks.

"Mommy should be back soon." Barba says, hoping that he didn't just lie to his niece.

For a few minutes Barba waits and he is almost tempted to go and see if Alex is okay when the door opens and Alex hobbles out.

"Are you okay?" Barba asks Alex as he walks over to her.

"Yeah, I think I am." Alex admits, completely meaning that, "He can't hurt me anymore." Alex says, sounding amazed as she never ever considered that to be a possibility.

"No, he can't. You're safe." Barba tells Alex who gives the first relaxed smile she has given in months.

"Let's go home." Alex says and that's what they do.

 **TWO WEEKS LATER**

It has been two weeks since Torres was killed and ever since it has become clear just how much better Alex is doing. She has been spending more time out of the apartment, even going to see a Psychiatrist that George recommended, and even though she still reacts with fear on occasion those reactions have been occurring less than they were, though they would still be considered a lot by most people's stranded.

In the two weeks since she was shot Alex has gotten her cast removed and all her injuries have healed, leaving only scars behind.

At about seven o'clock on Thursday night Alex is sitting on the floor reading to Ella when she hears footsteps approach the door. Even though she tenses and feels the desire to run Alex manages to push the feeling down and remains in place while the door open and Barba walks in.

"Hey." Alex says when she sees him, "I've ordered dinner, it should be here soon." She tells Barba.

"What did you get?" Barba asks interested, being thankful that he doesn't have to cook as it has been a long day.

"Italian." Alex answers.

"Sounds good." Barba says, "I'm going to get changed." Barba says heading to his room, really wanting to get out of his suit.

"LEXIE." Barba calls about a minute after he went into his bedroom.

"I don't think Tío Rafi likes his surprise." Alex tells Ella as she picks her up and heads to Barba's room carrying her daughter, "Yes Rafi?" Alex asks when she walks into his room.

"Did you reorganize my suits and order them by colour?" Barba asks turning to look at his best friend.

"And your shirts and ties." Alex answers.

"Why?" Barba asks confused.

"I needed something to do." Alex admits as for eighteen months, when Ella napped she just sat near her daughter waiting for an attack, or slept herself, but she doesn't have to do that anymore and she isn't sure what to do instead.

"And so you attacked my suits?" Barba asks.

"I didn't attack anything I reorganized them." Alex corrects, as she rolls her eyes, and before Barba can say anything in response Alex's phone rings, "It's McCoy." Alex says surprised when she pulls her phone out of her pocket and sees the caller ID, "Cabot." She answers, and Barba watches in interest as Alex listens to whatever McCoy is saying, "Yeah, I can be there, but I'll have Ella with me. It is? Okay, see you tomorrow. Bye Jack." Alex says before hanging up.

"What's going on?" Barba asks.

"McCoy wants to see me at nine tomorrow. He said that there is something he wants to discuss with me." Alex says as she puts her phone back in her pocket.

"Really? What could he want?" Barba asks surprised.

"I'm not sure." Alex admits, "Guess I'll find out tomorrow." She says with a shrug, "Are you really mad about your wardrobe?" Alex asks.

"I'll let you know in the morning." Barba says as if it makes things harder for him in the morning then he'll be annoyed.

* * *

At eight forty am the next day both Barba and Alex are walking through the DA's office, Alex doing her best to ignore the looks she is getting as she pushes Ella through in her stroller.

"So you really have no idea what McCoy could want to see you about?" Barba asks.

"Now that the case is over, none." Alex admits, not seeing what McCoy could want.

"I need to get to arraignment, but why don't you come round my office after you're meeting with McCoy." Barba suggests.

"Sure. You better get going, judges don't like it when you're late." Alex says with a teasing tone of voice, a tone that Barba is so glad to hear in Alex's voice again.

"You'd know." Barba says with a smirk before walking away.

After watching Barba walk away Alex heads to the McCoy's office seeing more people that she doesn't know rather than people she does.

* * *

It takes a few minutes, during which basically everyone she walks past looks at her twice, for Alex to arrive at McCoy's office.

"Go right in Ms Cabot." McCoy's assistant tells Alex before she can say anything.

Still confused about what McCoy could want to see her about Alex walks straight into McCoy's office.

"Alex's it's good to see you." McCoy tells Alex, walking over to her and sticking out his hand for Alex to shake.

"Yeah, it's good to see you too, Jack." Alex says, returning the handshake.

"How are you doing Alex?" McCoy asks curious as he sits down and gestures for Alex to sit down across for him which she does.

"Better." Alex answers, "Why did you want to see me, Jack?" Alex asks, not wanting to beat around the bush.

"I have a job opening, one I've known about for weeks, and I want you to take it. In fact you're the only person I want for the job." McCoy tells Alex to her surprise.

"I…I wasn't expecting that." Alex admits, realising that she should have, "What's the job?"

"Bureau Chef of Manhattan Special Victims Unit." McCoy says, "I would understand if it would be too hard for you, but I would like it if you considered it."

"Why are you offering me this job?" Alex asks, honestly not sure how she feels about working SVU again.

"Because you have more cumulative experience with the Special Victims Unit than anyone else. Your record is well above average and you've set presidencies, created new case law. You have got charges past the grand jury for the first time. Alex, you've been making advances in Sex Crimes legislations for fifteen years. There is no one else I want for this job, there is no one better suited, but I would understand if you didn't want to take it." McCoy tells Alex as after what happened to her he was debating whether he should even offer it to her.

"I need to think about it." Alex tells McCoy, "I've got a lot of things to consider." Alex says, the biggest of which being whether she can even try the cases that she'll have to try considering what just happened.

"I can give you until Monday night, but then I'll need an answer." McCoy says, "You'll be starting on Tuesday if you accept."

"Okay." Alex says, having a hundred things running though her mind, "I'm not saying that I'm accepting the job, but if I do I pick my own Deputy Chief." Alex tells McCoy.

"I was going to appoint Rafael Barba, unless of course you have some problem with that." McCoy says, knowing exactly who Alex would appoint.

"That's who I was going to say, but I thought Casey Novak has seniority." Alex comments as deputy chefs are usually appointed by seniority and even though she thinks Casey is a good lawyer she thinks Barba is better and not just because he's her best friend.

"She does, but ADA Barba has a better record, he's better suited for the position, something which I think you agree with." McCoy says.

"I do." Alex says with a nod, "I'll get back to you by Monday, Jack." Alex says and McCoy nods.

"I look forward to hearing from you." McCoy says and Alex gets up and leaves.

* * *

After leaving McCoy's office Alex doesn't head to Barba's office, instead she heads to the 1-6 as she desperately wants to talk to Olivia, partly because she knows that Olivia will understand the conflict she is feeling, and partly because she just wants to see her.

When Alex walks into the 1-6 squad room she finds Fin and Rollins sitting at their respective desks, both of whom look up when she enter pushing Ella.

"Counsellor, this is a surprise." Fin says getting up and walking over to her.

"I was in the neighbourhood, thought I would stop by. Is Liv around?" She asks Fin.

"She's just finishing an interrogation with Carisi, but she'll be free in about five minutes." Rollins says.

"If you want to wait around I'm sure she won't mind you waiting in her office." Fin tells Alex.

"I think I might do that." Alex says heading to Olivia's office.

"What do you think that's about?" Rollins asks Fin curious.

"Wouldn't want to guess." Fin says as there could be many reasons for Alex to want to see Olivia and ninety percent of them are none of his business.

* * *

When Alex walk into Olivia's office she walks over to the couch and sits down. Once she is sitting Alex lifts Ella out of her stroller and grabs the toy that Ella had with her.

"What do you think Ella? Do you think Mommy should become a Bureau Chef?" Alex asks her daughter who just gives her a look, "Yeah, I don't know either." Alex admits.

"Keys." Ella says trying to reach for the toys that are attached to the stroller.

"Do you want to play with the keys?" Alex asks.

"Yes." Ella says.

"Okay." Alex says and she reaches over and takes the toy keys off the stroller.

For the next few minutes Alex sits and watches as her daughter plays with the keys while she thinks about the decision she has to make.

"Alex." A voice says and Alex looks up to see Olivia, "Are you alright?"

"Um, yeah." Alex says as Olivia sits down next to her.

"Do you want to talk about whatever it is?" Olivia asks, not being able to help her concern.

"McCoy called me last night, he wanted to see me." Alex explains, "I saw him this morning and he offered me a job."

"Really?" Olivia asks surprised.

"Yeah."

"What job?"

"Bureau Chef of Manhattan Special Victims Unit." Alex answers.

"And you don't know what to do." Olivia realises.

"I don't know if I can work SVU cases every day." Alex admits, "But a part of me really wants to accept it." Alex informs Olivia, "I don't know what to do."

"You do what's best for you." Olivia says, "If you choose to accept the job then you'll be reminded of what happened every day, you'll struggle." Olivia says speaking from experience, "But it could help you to help others get justice." Olivia says, "You've just got to think about what you want, and what you can handle." Olivia says and Alex nods, "Take your time and decide what you want."

"McCoy needs an answer by Monday, and if I say yes I'll start Tuesday." Alex reveals, "I don't know what I can handle, and I've got to think about what it would mean for Ella, how it would affect her. I've been with her every day since she was born, and if I accept this job I won't be and that will be a huge shock to her, and I'm not going to have enough time to find a nanny I can trust." Alex says, it being clear that she really doesn't know what she wants to do.

"If you accept the job I'll talk to Lucy and ask if she would be willing to watch Ella as well as Noah, until you can figure things out. If that's okay with you." Olivia offers.

"That would be great." Alex says, "What if I accept this and find out I can't do it anymore? Or what if I say no and regret it?" Alex ask, feeling completely lost about what she should do, "What should I do, Liv?"

"I can't answer that Ally, you're the only one who can." Olivia tells her, "It's got to be your choice and yours alone." She says, "But I'll support you whatever you choose." Olivia tells her.

"Thank you." Alex says reaching over and taking Olivia's hand and the two of them drift into silence.

Alex and Olivia have been sitting in silence for several minutes when their silence is interrupted by Olivia's phone ringing.

"Benson." Olivia says, "What? Calm down Barba. Alex is okay, she's with me. Yes. Okay. Bye." Olivia says before hanging up, "Barba's worried about you."

"I was meant to meet him in his office after my meeting." Alex realises feeling bad about worrying him.

"You don't know how to tell him." Olivia realise.

"I honestly didn't know how to tell anyone other than you." Alex admits, "He'll be the deputy Bureau Chef if I accept the job."

"Your idea or McCoy's?" Olivia asks curious.

"Both actually." Alex answers, "If I accept this job then the only person I want by my side is Rafi and McCoy wants him in the position too."

"He deserves it." Olivia says.

"Yeah, he does." Alex confirms, "He's coming here isn't he?" Alex asks.

"Yep." Olivia says and she and Alex drift back into silence.

* * *

Ever since Barba called Alex and Olivia have been sitting next to each other on Olivia's couch watching Ella.

"Come in." Olivia says when she hears a knock on the door about twenty minutes after Barba's call, "Barba." She greats, "Why don't I take Ella to get something to eat while you two talk." Olivia suggests.

"That would be good, thanks Liv." Alex says.

"No problem." Olivia says taking Ella from Alex and leaving her office.

"What's going on Lexie? What did McCoy want?" Barba asks, it being clear that he is concerned.

"He offered me a job." Alex reveals.

"Really? What job?" Barba asks curious as he sits down next to Alex.

"Bureau Chef of Manhattan Special Victims Unit, with you as my deputy." Alex informs Barba to his surprise.

"That's….wow… how do you feel about that?" Barba asks completely surprised about that, and realising what that would mean not just for Alex, but for him as well.

"I don't know." Alex admits, "I don't know what to do." She says.

"When does he need an answer by?"

"Monday." Alex answers.

"You're going to need to think about this, and you're going to have to decide for yourself what you want, without influence, so I'm just going to say this once." Barba tells Alex.

"Okay..."

"You're the most like yourself when you're prosecuting SVU cases, speaking and fighting for victims is who you are, and it truly matters to you, Lexie, that's why you get so caught up in cases, it's why you're so dedicated." Barba says, "But that being said if you don't think you can handle seeing what you'll see every day then don't put yourself in that position, it's not fair to you. Decide what you want, what you can handle." Barba tells Alex, "it's your choice and I'll have your back either way." Barba promises.

"Thanks Rafi." Alex says, not being able to put into words how much it means to her to have both Olivia's and Barba's support no matter what she choose.

* * *

It has been two days since Alex got offered the Bureau Chef position and even though she hasn't mentioned what she is considering to anyone it is clear that the choice is weighing on her.

"Lexie, you ready to go?" Barba calls from the living room of their apartment, "We're going to be late if you don't hurry up." He calls as the two of them, Ella, Rollins, Fin, Carisi, George and Melinda are having Sunday night dinner at Olivia's.

"I'll be right out." Alex calls.

"I have a lesson for you, Pequeña, whenever your Mommy says that it means she'll be at least another ten minutes." Barba informs his niece.

"I heard that." Alex says as she walks out, completely dressed, "And you're wrong."

"Nine times out of ten I would be right." Barba tells Alex.

"As true as that it, you can't talk, you take longer than me to get ready someday." Alex informs Barba.

"Let's go." Barba says, not commenting on Alex's comments.

"I'm right behind you." Alex says with an amused smirk on her face.

* * *

It has been about an hour since Barba, Alex and Ella left their apartment and they have been at Olivia's for about half an hour. Ever since they have arrived Alex has been waiting for an opportunity to talk to Olivia in private but she hasn't had a chance. As she looks around the room and notices Carisi and Rollins playing with Ella and Noah, George and Barba off talking in a corner and Melinda and Fin in another Alex realises that now is the perfect chance so she heads over to Olivia who is in the kitchen.

"Hey Liv, can we talk?" Alex asks, "In private." She adds.

"Sure." Olivia says and the two of them head into Olivia's bedroom.

"You've made your decision." Olivia realises as she closes the door behind them.

"I have." Alex says, "I want to be Bureau Chef of SVU, but I want to be with you more." Alex tells Olivia.

"What are you saying?" Olivia asks, being sure that she knows what Alex is saying but wanting to hear Alex actually say it.

"I've made the wrong choice too many times. I chose to go to the Congo, to go to Philadelphia, I was so messed up, so afraid that what we had together could be real that I gave into that fear and I shouldn't have. I'm not going to do that again, I can't do that again." Alex says, "I want us to be together Olivia, I want us to have a real shot and if that means I can't be SVU's Bureau Chef, then that's a…. that's not even a sacrifice. After everything that has happened I know what's important to me, and giving us a real shot is important to me." Alex says, for the last day she has been practicing that speech, preparing herself for what she would say when she came face to face with Olivia.

"I talked to Tucker today." Olivia says, knowing without a doubt how big of a deal it is that Alex is willing to choose her over her career.

"What?" Alex asks confused.

"I called Tucker this morning. I asked him to come over so I could ask him whether we could be together if I was a Sargent or Lieutenant and you were SVU's Bureau's chef." Olivia informs Alex.

"What did he say?" Alex asks.

"He said that our record is in our favour, he said that because we have many years of being together and not letting it affect our work there is nothing to indicate that we can't do that again." Olivia explains, "He also said that as long as we disclose from the start there won't be a problem. We'll be under intense scrutiny for at least a year, but we can be together, there are no rules against it." Olivia explains reaching out and taking both of Alex's hand an action that she barley flinches at, "I want the same thing as you, Ally, I want us to give this a real chance, but I also want you to do the job you want. So, if you want to be Bureau's chef then I will go to 1PP first thing tomorrow and I will gladly disclose our relationship, and face the scrutiny, the question is what do you want?" Olivia asks.

"I want everything you just said." Alex says, "I want you, and the job." Alex says as even though she knows that it is going to be hard she wants to speak for victims again, she wants to fight for them, to help them.

"Then congratulations; Executive Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot." Olivia says with a grin, before leaning in and kissing Alex.

* * *

A couple of minutes later Olivia and Alex walk back into the other room, holding hands and both looking happy.

"Um, everyone." Olivia says and everyone turns to look at them, "We have an announcement to make."

"You're back together… again." Barba says and Alex and Olivia exchange a look.

"Well yeah, but that's not the announcement." Alex says.

"Then what is?" Carisi asks, wondering what else they could have to tell them.

"Starting Tuesday I will be The Manhattan Special Victims Bureau Chef with Rafael Barba as my Deputy Chef." Alex informs everyone, looking directly at Barba who nods and smiles back at her.

"That's great." Rollins says, "Congratulations, both of you." She says looking between Barba and Alex.

"This calls for a tost." Fin says and all the adults walk into the middle of the room, Olivia and Alex grabbing their drinks as they do, "To Alex Cabot officially being one of us again, you'll be an amazing Bureau Chef because you get the job, you've seen what we seen." He says.

"To Alex." Everyone repeats and as they toast Olivia puts her arm around Alex and kisses her on the cheek. As Alex feels Olivia put her arm around her she doesn't flinch, she doesn't feel afraid and she realises that for the first time in over three years she truly feels like herself again.

 **THE END.**


End file.
